Glossary: sex and BDSM terms from A to Z

Term	What it means
24/7	In 24/7 BDSM the power exchange runs day and night, also outside of play. What it means, how couples arrange it, and what it asks of you.
69	The 69 sex position is two people orally pleasuring each other at the same time. Where the name comes from and what makes it tricky in practice.

Term	What it means
A-spot	The A-spot is an area high on the front wall of the vagina, near the cervix. Where the name comes from and why the evidence for it is thin.
Abrasion	Abrasion is dragging rough materials over the skin to stimulate it. What it is, how it works, and where play ends and a wound begins.
Adrenaline	Adrenaline is the stress hormone released by tension, fear and pain. What it does in your body, and what’s true about the crash afterward.
Affair	An affair is an outside relationship that runs longer and stays secret. The figures on how often it happens, and who it usually starts with.
Aftercare	Aftercare is the care after a BDSM session: a blanket, water, talking, checking in. What it is, who it’s for, and what has been measured.
Aftercare plan	An aftercare plan is what you agree before a BDSM session about the care afterward: who does what, what you need, and for how long.
Afterglow	Afterglow is the relaxed, connected state that lingers for hours after sex. What afterglow is, how long it lasts, and why it feeds the bond.
Afterplay	Afterplay is everything you do together after sex, from lying close to talking, kissing and caressing. What it is, why it counts, and what research says.
Ageplay	Ageplay is role-play where an adult takes on an age other than their own. What it is, what people seek in it, and what research shows.
Algolagnia	Algolagnia is sexual arousal from pain, given or received. A word you now find almost only in old medical literature.
Alligator clamp	An alligator clamp is a toothed spring clip from electrical work, used in BDSM on nipples and skin folds. What it does and how long it can stay on.
Ambiamorous	Ambiamorous means feeling equally at home in a monogamous or a polyamorous relationship. Who coined the word, and what the numbers say.
Amerikaantjes	Amerikaantjes are adjustable nipple clamps with a screw you set yourself. What they are, how they work, and how long they can stay on.
Anal beads	Anal beads are a row of balls on a string, inserted anally. What the sensation does, which materials there are, and why the end ring matters.
Anal hook	An anal hook is a curved steel rod with a ball end, inserted anally and clipped to a tie. What it is made of, how to size it, and the retrieval risk.
Anal sex	Anal sex is penetration of the anus. How common it is in the Netherlands, why it takes more preparation, and what the STI risk means.
Anal training	Anal training is the step-by-step practice of anal sensitivity. How it works, why it stays safe, and why gradual preparation makes the difference.
Anchor partner	An anchor partner gives you stability and something to hold on to, a non-hierarchical alternative to the primary partner in polyamory.
Andropause	Andropause is the gradual drop in testosterone as men age. How it differs from menopause, and when your doctor is the one to help.
Anililagnia	Anililagnia is attraction to older women. Preference or disorder, where it comes from, and how it differs from gerontophilia.
Animal play	Animal play is role-play where someone acts like an animal: a dog, cat or pony. What it is, what research says, and why it is not bestiality.
Ankle cuffs	Ankle cuffs are cuffs around the ankles with a D-ring on them. What they are for, and why ordinary ankle cuffs must not bear weight.
Anorgasmia	Anorgasmia is when orgasm is hard or absent despite enough stimulation. Where it comes from, the orgasm gap, and when your doctor helps.
Anti-degradation	Anti-degradation is BDSM play built on praise and affirmation, the opposite of humiliation. What it is and why people choose it.
Anus	The anus is the outer end of the rectum, ringed by two sphincter muscles, one you can’t consciously control. Why anal sex needs time and lube.
Anxious attachment	Anxious attachment is wanting closeness while doubting it is safe. Where the pattern comes from and how it plays out in relationships.
Armbinder	An armbinder is a tube-shaped sleeve that binds both arms tightly behind the back. What it does to shoulders and nerves, and why time matters.
Arousal	Sexual arousal is the state in which your body prepares for sex. What happens, why it differs from desire, and how body and feeling diverge.
Arousal nonconcordance	Arousal nonconcordance is the gap between what your body shows in arousal and what you feel. Why a response is not the same as wanting.
Asanawa	Asanawa is the Japanese name for natural-fiber rope, the standard material for shibari. What thickness is common and why the fiber matters.
Asphyxiophilia	Asphyxiophilia is sexual arousal from oxygen deprivation. Where the word comes from, how it relates to breath play, and why it demands care.
Attachment style	An attachment style is the pattern by which you seek or avoid closeness. The four styles, where they come from, and why they aren’t fixed.
Auralism	Auralism is getting aroused by sound itself: a voice, a moan, or a whisper. What it is, why it works, and how it relates to audio erotica.
Avoidant attachment	Avoidant attachment is experiencing closeness as threatening and pulling away the moment it gets close. Where it comes from and what it does to intimacy.

Term	What it means
B&D	B&D stands for bondage and discipline, the first two letters of BDSM. What the abbreviation covers and why people use it to draw a line.
Bad pain	Bad pain is the pain that warns you something is going wrong in BDSM. What it is, how to spot it, and why it differs from good pain.
Bagging	Bagging is breath play with a bag over the head, clear-cut edgeplay. What it is, how it works, and why blackout comes fast and unnoticed.
Bakushi	Bakushi is the Japanese title for a master of kinbaku, shortened from kinbakushi. What the word means and how it relates to nawashi.
Ball crusher	A ball crusher is a clamp tool that squeezes the scrotum between two plates with screws. What it does and where the medical limit lies.
Ballbusting	Ballbusting is the form of CBT where the testicles are struck on purpose. What people look for in it, and where play ends and the ER begins.
Ballgag	A ballgag is a mouth gag with a ball and straps behind the head. What it does to speech and saliva, and why you never leave someone alone in one.
Ballstretcher	A ballstretcher is a ring or cuff around the scrotum that pulls the testicles down. What it does, and why blood flow sets the limit.
Banding	Banding is binding off the scrotum tightly within CBT. What it is, how it works, and why binding too long puts the tissue at risk.
Barrier method	A barrier method blocks contact with body fluids and lowers the chance of an STI. What it is, which ones exist, and how you use them.
Bastinado	Bastinado is striking the soles of the feet. Why that spot hurts so sharply, why repetition does leave lasting damage, and how to build up slowly.
BDSM	BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. What it is, how common it is, and what research says about it.
BDSM checklist	A BDSM checklist is a sheet of acts you pick from, choosing what you want to try. What the name stresses, and what the length of the list does.
BDSM emblem	The BDSM emblem is a three-part triskelion in a circle that lets BDSM people recognize each other. Where the shape comes from and what stays unconfirmed.
BDSM test	The BDSM test is an online questionnaire that scores you on archetypes like rigger, brat and pet. What it’s good for, and what the result doesn’t mean.
Bench	A bench is play furniture that holds you bent forward or leaning back. What it does for position and access, and what to watch for.
Bid for connection	A bid for connection is a small signal to make contact. What Gottman means by it, why the response to it predicts so much, and what it tells you.
Bight	A bight is the curved, slack section between the two ends of a rope. Why nearly every shibari tie starts there.
Birch rod	A birch rod is a bundle of thin twigs used as an impact tool. Where it comes from, what it does to the skin, and why it stings but stays shallow.
Bit	A BDSM bit is a long mouthpiece of rubber, leather, wood or metal. Where it comes from and why the material matters more than the shape.
Bitgag	A bitgag is a gag with a bar behind the teeth that holds the mouth half open. What it does and doesn’t block, and why it belongs in ponyplay.
Biting	Biting the neck, shoulder or thigh is sensation and marking play. Why a bite that breaks the skin is medically different from a bruise.
Blackmail play	Blackmail play is consensual role-play where obedience is demanded with ‘compromising’ material. How it works, and where the fantasy has to stop.
Blended orgasm	A blended orgasm comes from two or more kinds of stimulation at once, usually clitoral and vaginal. What it is and why it feels more intense.
Blindfold	A blindfold takes away sight and makes the other senses seem sharper. What really happens, why it works, and where the limit is.
Blood cupping	Blood cupping is cupping over small scratches, so blood is drawn into the cup. What it does to the skin and which side effects are known.
Blood play	Blood play is the umbrella term for play that draws blood: cutting, needles, cupping. Its risk profile and the agreements that belong up front.
Bloodsports	Bloodsports is the English umbrella for BDSM play that draws blood, from one cut to scarification. What the term covers and why it confuses.
Body image	Body image is how you see and judge your own body, apart from your looks. Why that often weighs more in bed than the other person’s gaze.
Bodybag	A bodybag is a latex, leather, or rubber sack that fully encloses someone. What it does, and why it needs watching rather than time.
Bondage	Bondage is consensually tying up or restraining someone. What it does, how common it is, and where the medical limits lie.
Bondage mat	A bondage mat is a rug for floorwork that protects the floor and keeps your rope clean. What you use it for, and when you actually need one.
Bondage tape	Bondage tape has no glue and clings only to itself, not to skin or hair. Why that works, and why it still sits tighter than rope.
Bonding	Bonding is the act of applying bondage: tying someone with rope, cuffs or tape. What the word covers, what it leaves out, and the rules that apply at once.
Boot worship	Boot worship is licking, kissing, polishing, or worshipping boots as submission. Where it comes from, why it works, and how people do it.
Bottom	A bottom is the role on the receiving end of the action in a session. How it differs from a sub, what research measures, and how to bottom well.
Bottoming	Bottoming is filling the receiving role, taking in the sensation and letting the other person set the pace. What you do, and what your body does.
Boundary	A boundary is the point someone won’t, can’t or dares not go past. What a boundary is in BDSM, who sets it and why they shift.
Boundary exploration	Boundary exploration is feeling out together where a limit lies, without crossing it. What it is, how it works, and how it differs from a violation.
Boundary violation	A boundary violation is crossing a boundary someone did not want crossed. When it counts, and what you do about it.
Boyfriend experience	Boyfriend experience means paying a man for company that feels like a relationship. What the term covers and where it comes from.
Branding	Branding is permanently marking the skin with heat or electric current. The methods, what the scar research shows, and why it is irreversible.
Brat	A brat is a submissive who deliberately pushes back and teases to provoke a reaction. What it is, why it appeals, and how you agree on it.
Brat tamer	A brat tamer is the dominant who tames a brat and answers the challenge instead of punishing out of frustration. What the role asks.
Bratting	Bratting is deliberate disobedience as a form of play, within agreed limits. Where it stops being play and how you mark that line.
Breast bondage	Breast bondage is rope worked above, below, and around the breasts in a visible pattern. The techniques, the Japanese origins, and what can go wrong.
Breast torture	Breast torture is pain play on the breasts and nipples, with clamps, weights, blows, or rope. What it does, where the limit is, and what tissue won’t take.
Breath control	Breath control is limiting someone’s breathing or blood flow for arousal. Why the reassuring word in the name is exactly the wrong one.
Breath reduction	Breath reduction is deliberately squeezing someone’s breathing without cutting it off. Why partial is not the same as controlled.
Breathwork	Breathwork is consciously steering your breathing to release tension. What the meta-analysis shows, which exercise pays off most, and where the limit lies.
Bruising	Bruising is the scene name for bruises left on purpose by impact play. How a bruise forms, how long it lasts, and the spots to stay away from.
Bull	A bull is the third man who has sex with the woman in cuckolding, with her partner’s knowledge. What the role involves and what’s expected.
Bullwhip	A bullwhip is a long single-tail whip with a handle. How it is built, why the crack is a shock wave, and how much room you need for it.
Bunny	Bunny is short for rope bunny: someone who likes being tied up. Why some people avoid the word, and what to watch for with rope.
Butt plug	A butt plug is a plug with a wide base that stays in anally. What the shape does, which materials are safe, and why that base is no detail.

Term	What it means
Cage	A cage in BDSM is a barred enclosure someone is locked inside. What else the word covers and what to watch for.
Cancellation terms	Cancellation terms set how long you can cancel an appointment for free and what you pay after. How they work and why they exist.
Candaulism	Candaulism is the thrill of showing your own partner naked to someone else. What the term means, where it comes from, and how you agree it together.
Candle Wax	Candle wax is melted wax on bare skin. Which waxes melt cool enough, why beeswax and stearin drop out, and from what height you pour.
Cane	A cane is the thin flexible rod used for striking. Where the rattan comes from, what it does to the skin, and what to watch for.
Caning	Caning is striking with a thin, flexible cane. How the build-up works, why the pain comes late, and how to read the marks the next day.
Carabiner	A carabiner is a metal loop with a spring gate. Where it comes from, what the kilonewtons on it mean, and where it goes wrong.
Caregiver	Caregiver is the caring half opposite a little: guiding, protecting and looking after instead of punishing. What the role involves and what it costs.
Cat o’ nine tails	The cat o’ nine tails is a whip with nine ends on one handle. Where the Dutch word came from and what the navy really did with it.
CB	CB stands for chastity belt or chastity cage. Why the abbreviation is so often confused with CBT, and what the difference is.
CBT	CBT means cock and ball torture: pain play aimed at the penis and testicles. What it covers, why people do it, and where the line is.
Cell popping	Cell popping is a form of branding that burns tiny dots into the skin with a hot needle, an edge play that leaves permanent scars.
Cervical orgasm	A cervical orgasm comes from stimulation of the cervix. What it is, which nerve pathway is involved, and why it does not work for everyone.
CFNM	CFNM stands for clothed female naked male, humiliation play where she stays dressed and he is naked. The counterpart is called CMNF.
CGL	CGL stands for caregiver/little: the umbrella name for dynamics where one person cares and the other takes the little role. What the letters cover.
Chain	A chain is a run of metal links used to hold someone in place. Where the word comes from and why steel works differently than rope.
Chain whip	A chain whip is a whip with thin metal chains instead of leather strands. What sets it apart, and why the dictionary means something else.
Chastity	Chastity means abstaining from sexual release, once a moral virtue, now also a BDSM practice of handing that control to someone else.
Chastity belt	A chastity belt is a locking garment that puts the genitals out of reach. Its medieval origin turns out to be a later myth.
Chastity cage	A chastity cage is a lockable cage around the penis, too small for an erection. How the ring works and why the duration is the whole story.
Chastity play	Chastity play is orgasm denial where you hand control of your release to a keyholder, with or without a cage.
Check-in	A check-in in BDSM is a quick mid-session read on how you’re doing. How to do it without breaking the tension, and when not to trust the answer.
Chemical play	Chemical play is play with stinging substances like ginger, menthol and capsaicin. How it works, why a safeword does not stop it, and where the line runs.
Cinch	A cinch is the extra turn of rope across a bundle of wraps that tightens it. What it does, why it goes too tight, and what to watch for.
Clamps	Clamps are pinching objects that hold pressure on a fold of skin. The models lined up, and why taking one off is the most delicate moment.
Cling film	Cling film in bondage is thin plastic that clings to itself without glue. How household film and stretch wrap differ, and what it means for wrapping.
Clit torture	Clit torture is pain play on the clitoris with clamps, suction, vibration, or taps. What it does and why the build-up decides everything here.
Closed group	A closed group is a fixed circle of swingers who only play among themselves and admit no new people. What it is and why people choose it.
Clothespins	Clothespins are ordinary laundry pegs, used in BDSM as a cheap clamp on nipples or skin folds. How to dose them and how long they can stay on.
Clover clamps	Clover clamps are clamps with an eyelet whose jaws close the moment you pull the chain. How that mechanism works and why it removes the usual way out.
CMNF	CMNF stands for clothed male naked female, humiliation play where he stays dressed and she is naked. The counterpart is called CFNM.
CNC	CNC stands for consensual non-consent: agreeing in advance to play as if there’s no consent. What the abbreviation means and what it asks of you.
Co-primary	Co-primary means you have more than one primary partner, both without rank. What that asks and what it gives you.
Co-regulation	Co-regulation is how another person’s calm settles your own nervous system. What it is, how it works and why it belongs with attachment and stress.
Cock ring	A cock ring sits around the base of the penis and holds an erection longer. How it works, how long it can stay on, and when it is an emergency.
Cocooning	Cocooning means wrapping someone completely in film, tape or fabric into a cocoon. What it does, why heat is the first problem, what to keep ready.
Collar	A collar is a band around the neck, usually with a ring on it. What it’s made of, how it should fit, and what you never attach to it.
Collar of consideration	A collar of consideration is the first, temporary collar: a trial period where two people seriously explore each other, with a way out.
Collaring	Collaring is the ritual where a dominant puts a collar on and the other accepts it. What happens, which stages there are, and what it binds.
Coming out kink	A coming out kink means telling someone you love BDSM. What research says about the stigma and why it feels nerve-wracking.
Companionship service	A companionship service is a paid date where presence and attention are the product, with or without sex. What the term really means.
Compersion	Compersion is feeling glad that your partner is enjoying someone else. Where the word comes from, what it is not, and what the research says.
Complex trauma	Complex trauma, or complex PTSD, develops after prolonged or repeated trauma. What it is, how it differs from ordinary PTSD, and where to find help.
Condom	A condom is a thin sheath that stops sperm and protects against STIs and pregnancy. How well it works and how to use one right.
Condom Contract	A condom contract is a network’s agreement on when a condom is or isn’t used. What it covers and why it matters.
Consent	Consent is voluntary, informed agreement you can withdraw at any moment. What the word means, how it works, and where it goes wrong.
Consent Culture	Consent culture is an environment where asking, refusing, and changing your mind are normal and safe. What it is, how it works, and what it gives you.
Consent violation	A consent violation is crossing what was agreed, with or without intent. How often it happens, how it starts, and what you do about it.
Consent workshop	A consent workshop teaches you how to talk about consent: asking, naming limits and staying in tune. What it is and how such a meeting works.
Contraception	Contraception is anything you use to prevent pregnancy. The methods lined up, how reliable they are, and why only the condom also stops STIs.
Contract	Contract in BDSM: a written record of roles, rules and limits. What is in it, what it is worth legally and why people make one.
Coolidge effect	The Coolidge effect is the surge of sexual desire with a new partner. What it is, how it works in the brain and what it means for your relationship.
Core erotic theme	A core erotic theme is the recurring scenario that fires your arousal, the formula under your fantasies. From Jack Morin, and how to find yours.
Coregasm	A coregasm is an orgasm that comes from physical exercise, without sexual touch. What research says and which exercises trigger it most often.
Corner time	Corner time is standing or kneeling in the corner facing the wall. Where it comes from, what it does and how long it makes sense.
Corporal punishment	Corporal punishment is punishing through the body. Out of Dutch criminal law since 1854 and out of parenting since 2007, in BDSM an agreed role.
Corset	A corset is a cinched garment around the waist that forces posture and limits breathing. Underbust and overbust, and what the cinching really does.
Couple privilege	Couple privilege is the automatic priority an established couple has over later partners. What it is and how it differs from hierarchy.
Couples arrangement	A couples arrangement is when a couple does something together with another person. What it is, how couples agree beforehand, and why that is the heart of it.
Courtesan	Courtesan is the historical term for a companion with one steady patron. Where the word comes from and its link to the Greek hetaira.
Cowboy	In polyamory, a cowboy is someone who poses as poly and then tries to pull a partner into monogamy for themselves.
Cowgirl	In polyamory, a cowgirl is a woman who pretends to be poly and then tries to pull a partner back into monogamy for herself alone.
Crop	Crop meaning in BDSM: the short whip with a leather tongue from equestrian sport, lots of sound for little force.
Cross	In a playroom, cross is the short word for a standing X-frame with attachment points. Why the word can mean so many things at once.
CT	CT is the abbreviation for clit torture: pain play aimed at the clitoris. What the two letters on a checklist do and do not tell you.
Cuckcake	A cuckcake is the woman who, with both partners’ consent, has sex with another woman’s man. What the role means and what you agree on beforehand.
Cuckold	A cuckold is the man whose partner has sex with someone else with his consent. What the role asks of him, and what psychology says about it.
Cuckolding	Cuckolding means getting aroused by your partner being with someone else, with consent. What it is, why it appeals and how couples go about it.
Cuckoldress	A cuckoldress is the woman who, with her partner’s consent, has sex with others. What the role means and how she differs from the bull.
Cuckquean	A cuckquean is the woman whose partner has sex with someone else with her knowledge. What the word means and where it comes from.
Cuckqueaning	Cuckqueaning is the dynamic where the woman watches and her partner gets the freedom. What it is, who plays which role and how couples approach it.
Cuddle party	A cuddle party is a facilitated group event around non-sexual touch, with consent as the core rule. And how it differs from cuddle therapy.
Cuddle therapy	Cuddle therapy is guided, non-sexual touch one-on-one. What the term means, where the evidence stops, and how it differs from a cuddle party.
Cunnilingus	Cunnilingus is oral sex on a vulva, using tongue and lips. What the word means, why the clitoris is central, and how people do it.
Cupping	Cupping is vacuum-suctioning skin with cups until a round mark forms. What the suction does, which marks stay, and where the wet variant differs.
Cutting	Cutting in BDSM means cutting patterns into the skin with a sterile blade. The scar it leaves behind, and the wound care it needs.

Term	What it means
D-ring	A D-ring is a metal ring shaped like a capital D that serves as an attachment point on restraints, collars and harnesses.
D-type	D-type is the collective name for anyone on the leading side of a D/s relationship. What the term means and how it differs from dominant and top.
D/s	D/s is the form of BDSM that is about power, not pain. What the abbreviation means, how such a relationship works and what it asks of both sides.
Daddy Dom	Daddy Dom is the dominant who fills the guiding father-figure role opposite a little. What the role involves and why that one word works.
DADT	DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell) is an open-relationship agreement where partners deliberately do not share the details of each other’s contacts.
DDlg	DDlg is the best-known caregiver-and-little dynamic, with a father figure and his partner. What the abbreviation means and what the research says.
Dead bedroom	Dead bedroom is the popular name for a relationship that has become nearly sexless. What it is, how it happens and what you can do about it.
Debrief	A debrief is the talk a day or a few after a BDSM session: what worked, what did not, what changes. Why it only works once the high has faded.
Deep throat	Deep throat is oral sex where the penis passes the gag reflex into the throat. What the word means, what happens anatomically and what you agree on.
Default world	Default world is jargon for the ordinary, non-alternative world outside the scene. Where the word comes from and how it relates to vanilla.
Degradation	What is degradation in BDSM? Consensually and willingly putting someone down during a scene, until they briefly feel like a thing.
Degradee	Degradee is the role of the person put down during a scene. What the role involves, what it gives, and where it leaves you vulnerable.
Degrader	Degrader is the role of the person who puts the other down during a scene. What it demands in precision, and why it is harder work than it looks.
Dental dam	A dental dam is a thin sheet of latex you lay over the vulva or anus during oral sex. What it is, how it works, and what to watch for.
Deposit	A deposit is part of the amount you pay in advance. What the law says, why services have no maximum, and what to watch for.
Desire conversation	A desire conversation is a planned talk about what each of you wants, free of blame. What it is, why it works and how to approach it calmly.
Desire discrepancy	Desire discrepancy is the difference in sexual desire between partners. What it is, why it is normal and what you can do when it chafes.
Developmental trauma	Developmental trauma is trauma that arises in childhood and affects attachment, emotion regulation and self-image. What it is and where to find help.
Dilator	A dilator is a rod in increasing sizes to help a body opening get used to penetration. The medical use and the BDSM use are two different things.
Dildo	A dildo is a penis-shaped toy for vaginal or anal penetration. Why silicone is the safest choice and why a wide base is required for anal use.
Dinner date	A dinner date is a booking with an escort centered on a shared meal and company rather than sex. What it involves and who it is for.
Disciplinarian	A disciplinarian is a dominant BDSM role built on rules, correction and punishment. What the role involves and how it differs from a sadist.
Discipline	Discipline in BDSM means rules, training, reward and punishment. What the D covers, how punishment differs from discipline, and how you agree on rules.
Discretion	Discretion is restrained conduct with sensitive information. The dictionary lists four meanings of it, and the best-known is not the oldest.
Dissociation	Dissociation is the sense of being disconnected from yourself or your surroundings. What it is, how it links to trauma, and where to turn for help.
DM	DM stands for dungeon monitor: the volunteer who watches over safety and house rules at a play party. What a DM does and when they step in.
Dogging	Dogging is British-English slang for sex in a public place, or watching it. What it involves and where the line lies in the Netherlands.
Doggystyle	Doggystyle is a sex position with penetration from behind. What it involves and where the name comes from.
Dollification	Dollification is roleplay where someone is turned into a doll: made up, posed, treated as an object. What it is and why it draws people in.
Dom	Dom is short for dominant and also a form of address. Why the capital letter, who the word applies to, and where it comes from.
Dom list	A dom list is the filled-in list where the dominant side marks what they want to do. What goes on it and why it belongs next to the sub list.
Domdrop	Domdrop is the crash the dominant partner can feel after a session. What it looks like, why it works differently than subdrop, and what helps.
Domestic service	Domestic service is household work as a form of surrender. What it involves, how common it is, and where it clashes with the real division of chores.
Dominance	Dominance is the dynamic where one person leads and the other hands that lead over. What power exchange is, how it works, and why the power is on loan.
Dominant	A dominant takes the lead in BDSM and carries the responsibility. What the role involves, why people choose it, and what it asks of you.
Dominatrix	A dominatrix fills the dominant role professionally, for pay. What the work involves, what usually does not happen, and where the word comes from.
Domme	Domme is the female spelling of Dom. The history of the word, why it is not required, and how it relates to Domina.
Door cuffs	Door cuffs are cuffs with blocks that wedge behind a closed door, so you can restrain someone without a suspension point or play furniture.
Dopamine	Dopamine is the brain’s signaling chemical behind desire, reward and anticipation. What it is, how it drives the wanting, and what it does not do.
Dorei	Dorei is the Japanese word for slave, used in kinbaku. It implies ownership, a stronger claim than the neutral bottom. What it means.
Double column tie	A double column tie binds two limbs side by side, with a cinch between them. How the cuff works and why it does not pull tight.
DP	DP stands for double penetration: two spots filled at once, usually vaginal and anal. The variants, how it works and what you watch for.
Dragon tail	A dragon tail is a short impact tool with one flat, wide leather tongue that tapers to a point. What it is, how it feels and where it belongs.
Dress code	A dress code is a club or party’s clothing rule that decides what you have to wear to get in. How it works at swingers clubs and fetish parties.
Drop	Drop is the setback after an intense scene or a kink weekend. What the word covers, which four forms there are and when the dip usually hits.
Dual control model	The dual control model sees sexual response as the balance between an accelerator and a brake. What the model is, how it works and why people differ.
Duckbill speculum	A duckbill speculum is a type of speculum, a spreader that stays open with a screw. Where the name comes from and what it is used for.
Dungeon	A dungeon is a room set up for BDSM, with a cross, a bench, a cage, and suspension points. What’s in it and why people go there.
Duty of silence	Duty of silence is the scene’s standing rule that you speak only when spoken to. In plain Dutch, zwijgplicht is professional secrecy.
Duty sex	Duty sex is sex out of obligation rather than desire. How it differs from responsive desire, and why routine ‘having to’ undermines your well-being.
Dyspareunia	Dyspareunia is the medical term for pain during sex. Surface versus deep, possible causes, and where to go when the pain keeps coming back.

Term	What it means
E-stim	E-stim is the gear for electrostimulation: a box with electrodes. Which three kinds exist and what the three dials actually do.
Edgeplay	Edgeplay is BDSM whose risk cannot be removed, only reduced. What it covers, why people do it and what it asks on top of lighter play.
Edging	Edging is steering an orgasm, keeping arousal high without coming. What the word means, where it comes from and what it is not.
Ejaculation	Ejaculation is the expulsion of semen in two phases, emission and expulsion. What it is, how it works and why it is not the same as an orgasm.
Electro play	Electro play means playing with electrical stimulation on the body. What it is, which devices count, and the safety rule that matters most.
Emotional affair	An emotional affair is a secret, intimate bond outside your relationship without sex. What it is, why it starts and why it cuts so deep.
Emotionally focused therapy	Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is short-term, attachment-based couples therapy from Sue Johnson. What it is, how it works and who it is for.
Endorphin	Endorphin is a natural opioid the body releases under pain and stress. What has been measured during BDSM, and why the familiar story does not hold up.
Enema	An enema is introducing fluid into the bowel through the anus. What it is, why people do it, and what the literature says about the real risks.
Enthusiastic consent	Enthusiastic consent is an active, freely given yes, not the absence of a no. What it is, how the FRIES model works and why it counts.
Erogenous zone	An erogenous zone is a body area of heightened sensitivity that turns touch into arousal. Examples, why they are sensitive and the differences.
Erotic blueprint	The erotic blueprint is Jaiya’s model of five erotic types, from energetic to kinky. What it is, what it is good for and the honest caveat.
Erotic distance	Erotic distance is Esther Perel’s idea that desire needs room and mystery. What it means and why too much closeness snuffs desire out.
Erotic equation	The erotic equation is Jack Morin’s formula that attraction plus obstacles is arousal. What the term means, how it works and what you gain from it.
Erotic imagination	Erotic imagination is the sexual fantasy in your head. What it is, how common it is, and where it differs from actually wanting to do something.
Erotic intelligence	Erotic intelligence is Esther Perel’s term for keeping desire alive in a steady relationship, in the tension between safety and mystery.
Erotic massage	Erotic massage is massaging the erogenous zones for sexual pleasure. What it is, how it differs from tantra massage, and what you agree on beforehand.
Escort	An escort is a sex worker paid for companionship and often intimacy, usually incall or outcall. What the term means and how it stands apart.
Ethical non-monogamy	Ethical non-monogamy is the umbrella for relationship forms where everyone consents to more than one partner. The forms, the numbers and the stigma.
Ethical slut	An ethical slut is someone who openly and honestly has multiple relationships, with everyone’s consent. What the term means and where it comes from.
Exhibitionism	Exhibitionism is arousal from being watched. Where the line falls between a consenting audience, a clinical disorder and a criminal offense.
Experimentalist	An experimentalist wants to try almost everything in BDSM at least once. What the label means and what is known about that curiosity.
Extension	An extension expands the booked time block on the spot, if you both want it and my schedule allows. How it works and why it stays optional.

Term	What it means
Face slapping	Face slapping is consensual striking of the cheek within impact play. Where you land it safely, where you stay away, and why people love it.
Facesitting	Facesitting is sitting on someone’s face, for oral pleasure or to limit breathing. How it works and why a safeword does not work here.
Failsafe	A failsafe frees you from bondage in one move: safety shears, a panic snap or a quick-release. What it is and why it belongs alongside a safeword.
Fantasy archetype	A fantasy archetype is a recurring base shape that sexual fantasies group into: power, taboo, worship, being seen, multiple partners.
Fantasy versus desire	Fantasy versus desire is the difference between finding something exciting to think about and wanting to live it out. What it is and why it matters.
Fawn response	The fawn response is the alarm reaction where you please to disarm a threat, and in sex it is the hardest form of not wanting to spot.
Fear of intimacy	Fear of intimacy is the fear that rises the moment closeness gets real, while you do feel the longing. What it is, where it comes from and where to find help.
Fear play	Fear play works with the real fears of the person receiving. Why fear can be arousing and where the line with abuse lies.
Fellatio	Fellatio is oral sex on a penis. What it is, that the STI risk is lower but not zero, and how you keep it safer.
Female ejaculation	Female ejaculation is a small amount of milky fluid from the Skene’s glands. What it is, how it differs from squirting, and why it is not a goal.
Female lover	A female lover is a woman someone has a love relationship with, usually outside a marriage. What the word means and how it touches the courtesan.
Female slave	Female slave is how English names a woman in a slave role. English has no single feminine word, where Dutch has slavin. What that difference brings.
Femdom	Femdom is the dynamic where the woman leads, from a single scene to a whole relationship. How common it is and what the leading role costs.
Fetish	A fetish is an object, material or body part with a strong erotic charge. When it stays a preference and when it becomes a diagnosis.
Fetish party	A fetish party is a party with a dress code of leather, latex or uniform. Why that is not yet a play party, and which rules apply.
FetLife	FetLife is a social network for kink and BDSM, not a dating site. How it is used in the Netherlands and where the limits of privacy lie.
Fifty Shades effect	The Fifty Shades effect is the wave of mainstream interest in BDSM after the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. What it set off, and its downside.
Figging	Figging means inserting a peeled ginger root for a fierce burning feeling. Why ginger burns, how long it lasts and where the risk lies.
Fight-or-flight response	The fight-or-flight response is the automatic alarm reaction to threat. Why freezing is part of it, and why doing nothing is not consent.
Findom	Findom is the dynamic in which the submissive gives away money or gifts as a form of surrender. How it works, what it delivers and where the risk lies.
Finger cot	A finger cot is a thin sheath over one finger. What you use it for with handwork, what it is made of, and why you use it only once.
Fingering	Fingering is stroking or entering a vagina or anus with the fingers. What it is, how to do it well and safely, and why going slow gives the most.
Fire cupping	With fire cupping the vacuum comes from a flame inside the cup. How that works and why burns really do happen with this method.
Fireplay	Fireplay is erotic play with a brief flame on the skin. What it covers, and why refilling the fuel is the most dangerous moment.
Fisting	Fisting is inserting a hand vaginally or anally. What it is, what studies measured on incontinence and transmission, and how people build up to it.
Flagging	Flagging means showing your role or preference without a word, from a colored handkerchief and keys on a belt loop to an icon on your profile.
Flashback	A flashback is involuntarily reliving a distressing event as if it is happening now. What it is, how it works and where to turn.
Flogger	A flogger is a whip with two or more supple tails on a handle. How it is built, what makes a blow thud or sting, and where to stay off.
Floorwork	Floorwork is rope bondage where the body stays resting on the ground. What sets it apart from suspension, what it gives you, and why it isn’t risk-free.
Florentine flogging	Florentine flogging is flogging with two floggers at once, one in each hand, in a continuous figure-eight rhythm. What it is and how it works.
FLR	FLR stands for Female Led Relationship, a relationship where the woman is structurally in charge. What it is, how it works, and why people choose it.
Flyswatter	A flyswatter is a springy handle with a flat blade, which makes it a stinging impact tool. Why the electric version has nothing to do with it.
FMF	FMF is a threesome with two women and one man, where the women do not touch. What the letters mean and why people choose it.
Follow-up	A follow-up is short contact a day after the date, to hear how it landed. What it is, why it helps, and how it differs from a debrief.
Food control	Food control is an agreement where someone else decides what, when and how much you eat. How people do it, and where it tips into an eating problem.
Foodplay	Foodplay is using food as play material during sex. What it is, how people do it, and why sugar and allergens really matter here.
Foot fetish	A foot fetish is arousal by feet. How common it is, why the best-known explanation collapsed in 2014, and where the clinical line sits.
Foot Worship	Foot worship is kissing, licking, massaging or caring for feet as submission. What really happens, where the word comes from, and what to watch for.
Forced bi	Forced bi is a scenario where a dominant partner has a submissive man contact another man, with consent. The forced part is play, agreed in advance.
Forced feminization	Forced feminization is roleplay in which a man is made feminine. What it is, why ‘forced’ names an agreement, and what it is not.
Forced orgasm	Forced orgasm means coming without any say over it, because the stimulation doesn’t stop. Why the word sounds heavier than the scene actually is.
Foreplay	Foreplay is everything that comes before penetration. Why for many women it is the main course rather than the warm-up, and what research says.
Forniphilia	Forniphilia is bondage in which someone serves as furniture: a footstool, table or coat rack. What it is, why it draws people, and how long it stays safe.
Four horsemen	Gottman’s four horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. What they are, why they predict a breakup, and what you set against them.
Foxplay	Foxplay is a petplay variant where someone plays a fox, cheekier than a pup and less docile than a kitten. What it is and how it works.
Free use	Free use is an agreement where one partner has sexual access at any moment. How that ongoing consent works, and where the line sits.
Frenzy	Frenzy is the rush that makes a beginner want everything at once. Where it comes from, why it is risky and how to slow it down.
Friction	Friction in rope play is a holding turn without a real knot: the rope grips itself. How that grip works and why it comes undone so fast.
FRIES	FRIES is a memory aid for good consent: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, specific. What the five letters mean.
Frottage	Frottage is sexually rubbing your body or genitals against another, without penetration. What it is, how it works, and why people do it.
Frubble	Frubble is the warm feeling when you see your partner happy with someone else, the everyday version of compersion. What it is and how it works.
Fucking	Fucking is a crude, direct word for sexual intercourse. What it means, how blunt it sounds, and where the word comes from.
Full swap	Full swap is partner swapping that includes intercourse, unlike soft swap where it stays outside the deal. What it is and how it fits swinging.
Funishment	Funishment is a ‘punishment’ both partners enjoy, so it corrects nothing. Why it works as a reward, and when it goes wrong.
Futomomo	Futomomo is a Japanese leg tie that binds calf to thigh, keeping the knee bent. How the tie works and where the nerve you must spare sits.

Term	What it means
G-spot	The G-spot is a sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina. What it is, why its existence is contested, and what that means for you.
Gag	Gag is the English word for a mouth device. The Dutch word knevel is older. It began as a wooden peg for pulling rope tight.
Garden party polyamory	Garden party polyamory: metamours stay cordial at shared events and live separate lives otherwise. The middle ground between kitchen table and parallel.
Gas mask	A gas mask seals over nose, mouth and eyes and filters air but supplies none. What it is used for in BDSM and why someone always stays with you.
GGG	GGG stands for good, giving, and game: Dan Savage’s standard for a good sexual partner. What the three words mean and where the line is.
Gigolo	A gigolo is a man who offers company and intimacy for pay, usually to women. What the word means and where it comes from.
Gimp suit	A gimp suit is a full-body enclosing suit of leather, latex or PVC with a mask, used in BDSM. What it is and where the term comes from.
Girlfriend experience	Girlfriend experience (GFE) means paid company that feels like a relationship. What the term covers, where it comes from and the male version.
Gloves	Gloves for sex are thin disposable latex or nitrile gloves used as a barrier for fisting, penetration by hand and blood play.
Golden shower	A golden shower is urinating on someone for sexual pleasure. What the word covers, how common it is, and why urine is not sterile.
Good pain	Good pain is pain that is wanted in BDSM play and feeds the high, against pain that is a warning. What decides the difference.
Gor	Gor is the fictional world from John Norman’s novels, with a strict master-slave order. What it is and why in real life it stays roleplay.
Gorean	A Gorean lives BDSM or a lifestyle by the fictional world Gor, with set forms of address, positions and rituals. What that involves.
Gote shibari	Gote shibari is the Japanese tie with the arms behind the back. How it differs from takate kote, and where on the upper arm the nerve lies.
Gratuity	A gratuity is a voluntary extra payment afterward, on top of the agreed price. Nowhere required, though customary in some circles.
Green flag	A green flag is a positive signal that someone handles a relationship in a healthy, respectful way. Examples, and the difference with a red flag.
Grounding	Grounding is coming back to the here and now with your senses, breath or touch. What the technique involves, and why it’s barely been researched.
Group marriage	Group marriage is a marriage-like bond in which three or more people consider themselves married to each other, usually with no legal status.
Group sex	Group sex is sex with three or more people at once, from a threesome to an orgy. What it covers, how common it is, and what people watch for.
Gun play	Gun play is edgeplay in which a weapon serves as an instrument of fear. What it is, why it is extremely risky, and why it is always a replica.

Term	What it means
Hair pulling	Hair pulling is gripping and pulling someone’s hair as an erotic act. What it does, how common it is, and where you do and do not grip the hair.
Hall pass	A hall pass is a one-time, agreed-in-advance permission from your partner to do something with someone else once. What the term means.
Handcuffs	Handcuffs close the wrists with a ratchet that only tightens. How the double lock works and which nerve most often suffers under them.
Handjob	A handjob is manual stimulation, on yourself or someone else. How common it is, and what research says about preferences in pressure and pace.
Handler	A handler stays human while the other plays a pup: leading, training, caring and watching the time. What the role asks and how common it is.
Hanky code	The hanky code is a color code from the 1970s gay and leather scene. What each color means and how left and right work.
Hard limit	A hard limit is what happens under no circumstances. What makes a limit hard, how you write it down and what happens if someone crosses it.
Harem	A harem in BDSM and polyamory is a group of submissives under one dominant, usually with an internal ranking. What the term means exactly.
Harness	A harness is a whole of straps or rope that closes around the torso. What it spreads, how it fixes the arms and why the armpit is the risk.
Heel fetish	A heel fetish is arousal that centers on the high heel itself, on its shape, the sound and the posture it forces. What the term means.
Hemp rope	Hemp rope is laid rope of the bast fiber of Cannabis sativa. Where the smell comes from, why it swells and what is really in the pack.
Hempex	Hempex is laid rope of spun polypropylene that resembles hemp. What the manufacturer does and doesn’t say about it, and when to skip it.
Herrin	Herrin is the German word for a dominant woman. Where it comes from, why it was coined in the sixteenth century and when you run into it.
Hierarchical polyamory	Hierarchical polyamory is polyamory with a fixed ranking. A primary partner comes first, then secondary and sometimes tertiary partners.
High protocol	High protocol is a formal code of conduct within D/s. Fixed titles, postures and rituals, where it comes from and where it goes wrong.
Hishi	Hishi is the Japanese diamond pattern in rope across the torso. Where it comes from, why it barely binds, and how it differs from kikkou.
Hogtie	A hogtie ties wrists and ankles together behind the back. What the position does to your breathing, what the research says, and how long it lasts.
Hoist	A hoist spreads weight over several chain parts, so one person can lift someone up. What you win with it, and what you give up.
Hood	A bondage hood closes off the head and takes away sight, hearing and identity. Why panic so often comes with it, and how to head that off.
Horseplay	On Dutch kink lists horseplay means pony play, but in English the word means roughhousing. What to search for instead.
Hotel date	A hotel date is an appointment in a hotel room, often chosen to keep home addresses out of it. Why a hotel is a classic place for sex work.
Hotel fantasy	A hotel fantasy turns on the anonymity of a room outside your own life, where you can briefly be someone else. What the fantasy is.
Hotwife	A hotwife is a woman who, with her partner’s blessing, has sex with others, without humiliation. What the role asks, and how she differs from a swinger.
Hotwifing	Hotwifing is the arrangement where one partner sleeps with others and the other does not. How couples build it, and what research says sets it apart.
Hourly rate	An hourly rate in sex work is the price per hour, usually with a minimum. What you pay for, why it is stated openly, and how I handle it myself.
House	A house in BDSM is an organized group under a master or mistress, where rank, protocol and knowledge get passed on. What the term means.
House rules	House rules in BDSM are the rules of a play party, fetish club or dungeon. What they say, who enforces them, and what a club may decide.
Humbler	A humbler clamps around the base of the scrotum and locks to a bar behind the thighs. What the tool does, and where the anatomical limit lies.
Humiliation	Humiliation is putting someone lower with consent. What the word means literally, why it arouses, and when it stops being play.
Hypersexuality	Hypersexuality is compulsive sexual behavior that gets in the way of your life, in the ICD-11 as 6C72. Not the same as a high libido.
Hypnokink	Hypnokink is erotic hypnosis as a form of play. What science establishes about hypnosis, what the scene claims, and where consent gets tricky.

Term	What it means
Ice cubes	Ice cubes are frozen water for temperature play on the skin. What cold does to the nerves, why you keep moving, and where cold injury begins.
Ichinawa	Ichinawa is the free Japanese rope style with a single rope, where flowing on and off matters more than the pattern. What it is and how it works.
Ignore play	Ignore play is a BDSM scene where you act, for a set time, as if the other person is not there. Where it comes from and why it hits so hard.
Impact play	Impact play is the umbrella term for anything that strikes the skin: hand, paddle, flogger, cane, whip. What it does and where the line is.
Incall	Incall is an appointment at the provider’s location, not at the client’s. What incall is, how it differs from outcall and why the place matters.
Independent sex worker	An independent sex worker offers sexual services self-employed, without a club or pimp. What it means, and how the law works in the Netherlands.
Infidelity	Infidelity is sexual or emotional contact outside your relationship without your partner’s knowledge or consent. Why consent is the line, not the act.
Informed consent	Informed consent is consent that only counts once you know what you’re saying yes to. Where the term comes from and what it asks of you.
Injection needles	Injection needles are hollow steel needles with a beveled point. Why that hollow core sets the risk profile and what it asks in needle play.
Inspection	Inspection in BDSM is a ritual where the submissive undresses to be looked at and judged. Why being watched lands so hard.
Intake	Intake is the conversation beforehand about your wishes, limits, health and expectations. What an intake is, where the word comes from and what it isn’t.
Intake form	An intake form is the written intake: a sheet where you fill in your wishes, limits, health and expectations beforehand. What’s on it and why.
Internal enslavement	Internal enslavement is an M/s form where the slave role is lived as part of who you are, not as play. What it is and how it differs from TPE.
Interrogation	Interrogation in BDSM is an interrogation scene: questions, threat, and pressure over a made-up secret. How the roleplay works and where the limit lies.
Introductory call	An introductory call with a gigolo is the no-obligation chat beforehand where you feel whether it clicks, before you book anything.
Irrumatio	Irrumatio is the Latin term for oral sex where the active partner thrusts into the mouth and the receiver stays passive. How it differs from fellatio.
IV needles	IV needles are hollow needles with a plastic cannula around them. Which gauges exist, what the color code means, and how to play sterile.

Term	What it means
Japanese bondage	Japanese bondage is the umbrella name for rope work from the Japanese tradition. How it differs from Western bondage, and which word you’re after.
Jaw clamp	A jaw clamp in BDSM is a device that forces the mouth open with a ring or screw. In Dutch, the same word means the exact opposite in medicine.
Jealousy	Jealousy is the fear of losing something valuable in a relationship to someone else. What it is, what it tells you, and how it plays out in open relationships.
Jibaku	Jibaku is Japanese for binding yourself with no one else there. What the dictionary says about it, and why it names no rope technique.
Judas cradle	A Judas cradle is a pointed seat you’re lowered onto by your own weight. What the sixteenth-century sources say, and what is museum folklore.
Jute	Jute rope is made from the bast fiber of plants in the genus Corchorus, and it is the standard rope for shibari.

Term	What it means
Kajira	Kajira is the Gorean word for a female slave, with its own system of postures and forms of address. What the role involves and how consent works.
Kannuki	Kannuki is the Japanese word for a cinch, the rope pass across a bundle of wraps that tightens it. What it literally means and what the rope does.
Karada	A karada is a rope harness over the torso, laid from ten to fifteen meters of rope. What it does and doesn’t fix in place, and why the name misleads.
Karezza	Karezza is slow lovemaking where you deliberately leave out the orgasm so attention goes to connection. Who invented it and what it’s for.
Kegel balls	Kegel balls are weights you wear in the vagina, also called ben wa balls or geisha balls. What they are, how they work, and what the evidence says.
Keyholder	A keyholder keeps the key to a chastity lock and decides when it comes off. What the role involves and what it asks of you.
Kidnapping scene	A kidnapping scene is pre-arranged roleplay where someone is ‘taken.’ What you agree on, and why article 282 of the Dutch penal code keeps watching.
Kikkou	Kikkou is the hexagonal turtle-shell pattern in shibari, where rope over the torso forms a grid of hexagons. What it is and how it differs from hishi.
Kinbaku	Kinbaku is simply the Japanese for tying tightly. Where the term comes from, when it turned erotic, and how it relates to shibari.
Kink	Kink is the umbrella term for sexual preferences off the beaten path. What it covers, how common it is, and how it relates to BDSM.
Kink discovery	Kink discovery is the process of getting to know and explore your own kinks. How it unfolds, how people do it, and why it’s not a race.
Kink event	A kink event is a gathering of people with a kink, from a munch without play to a play party or festival. What forms exist and where to begin.
Kink identity	Kink identity is kink as part of who you are, not only something you do. What it is, what it consists of, and how it differs from discovering kink.
Kink-friendly	Kink-friendly means open and non-judgmental about kink and BDSM, like a therapist, doctor, or venue. What it is and how it differs from kink-aware.
Kinklist	A kinklist is a list of acts where you mark yes, maybe, or no per line. How to fill it in, how to discuss it, and where it goes wrong.
Kinkshaming	Kinkshaming is judging someone for a consensual kink. What it is, why an unusual preference is not a disorder, and what you do about it.
Kinkster	A kinkster is someone who counts themselves as part of the kink world. What the label does and does not say, when people start using it, and what it brings.
Kinky	Kinky means off the beaten sexual path. When something gets that name, what the research says about it, and why the line shifts.
Kissing	Kissing is touching each other with the lips out of affection or desire. Why it bonds, and why not every culture knows the romantic kiss.
Kitchen table polyamory	Kitchen table polyamory is the poly style where all partners and metamours get along well enough to sit together at the kitchen table. What it is.
Kitten play	Kitten play is roleplay in the role of a cat. What sets it apart from puppy play, where the willfulness comes from and how people do it.
Knifeplay	Knifeplay is playing with a knife over the skin: threat, cold and pressure. What’s measured, where cutting starts, and what Dutch weapons law says.
Knismolagnia	Knismolagnia is arousal from tickling or being tickled. Where the word comes from, and how tickling works in a BDSM scene with restraints.

Term	What it means
Latex	Latex clothing is made from vulcanized natural rubber in sheets of 0.18 to 0.5 mm. How it wears, and why fruit matters.
Leash	A leash is the strap or chain on the ring of a collar, to lead or keep someone close. Why it must never be tied to anything.
Leather	Leather in BDSM is tanned animal hide. Why it feels different from latex, how to keep it clean and why chromium causes skin allergy.
Left of the slash	Left of the slash is, in the notation D/s or M/s, the side before the stroke: the dominant or top role. What the notation means and where you see it.
Libido	Libido is the strength of your desire for sex. Where the word comes from, how common low desire is in the Netherlands, and when it’s a problem.
Lifestyle	Lifestyle in BDSM means the dynamic holds even when no one is playing. What the word covers, and why it causes confusion in the Netherlands.
Lifestyler	A lifestyler lives their BDSM full-time instead of now and then. Where the term comes from, how rare it is and why it’s no ranking.
Limit	A limit is an agreed outer edge in a BDSM scene. What hard and soft mean, how you adjust limits, and why a limit is not a safeword.
Limits list	A limits list is a written record, made in advance, of what is definitely off the table. What it is, what goes on it, and how it differs from a kinklist.
Lingam	Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the penis in tantra and Hinduism, and at the same time the abstract symbol of the god Shiva, with the yoni as its counterpart.
Lingam massage	Lingam massage is a slow, tantric massage of the penis, aimed at relaxation and attention rather than orgasm. What it is and what it is not.
Lingerie fetish	A lingerie fetish is arousal that comes from lingerie itself: lace, satin, a corset or garters. What the term means and when it counts as a fetish.
Little	A little is an adult who takes on the small role in ageplay. What littlespace is, which kinds of littles exist and what the role does to you.
Loneliness	Loneliness is the unpleasant experience of too little or too shallow contact. What it is, how it connects to touch, and where you can turn.
Loss of libido	Loss of libido is a lasting drop in desire for sex, from stress, medication or menopause. What it is, when it’s a complaint, and where to turn.
Low protocol	Low protocol is the loose way of relating within D/s: the bond stays, the form falls away. What still holds, and why low is not the same as none.
Lubricant	Lubricant removes friction during sex. The three types (water, silicone, oil), their limits, and which is safe with condoms and toys.

Term	What it means
M-jo	M-jo (M女) is the Japanese word for a woman with masochistic leanings. Why S and M are ordinary dictionary letters in Japan and scene slang here.
M/s	M/s stands for Master/slave, an ongoing relationship where one holds authority and the other serves. What it involves and what the law says.
Magic wand	A magic wand is a powerful mains-powered wand vibrator. What the device is, where the name comes from, and what to watch for when you buy one.
Maintenance sex	Maintenance sex is sex you have mainly to keep the relationship warm, even when the desire isn’t there. When that helps and when it doesn’t.
Maintenance spanking	Maintenance spanking is a spanking at a set time, with no wrongdoing. Why it isn’t punishment, where it comes from, and what you agree beforehand.
Making love	Making love is a broad, soft word for sexual contact, from kissing to intercourse. Wider than plain fucking, and the tender history behind the word.
Male lover	A male lover is a man someone has a romantic or sexual relationship with, often alongside a steady partner. What the word means, and the paid lover.
Maledom	Maledom is the dynamic where the man is in charge. Why the word is barely used while femdom is everywhere, and what that tells you.
Marking	Marking in BDSM is deliberately leaving a visible trace on the skin. What stays, who sees it, and what you agree beforehand.
Martinet	A martinet is a short French whip with about ten thin leather strands. The word’s history, and why it feels fierce but does little damage.
Mask	A fetish mask covers the face wholly or partly. What it’s worn for in BDSM, and the point where it turns into edgeplay.
Masochism	Masochism is drawing pleasure from pain you undergo yourself. Where the word comes from, how it works, and why it isn’t a disorder.
Masochist	A masochist is someone who draws arousal from pain they undergo themselves. What the label does say, what it doesn’t, and when people use it.
Massage scenario	A massage scenario is erotic roleplay with a massage as the setting: one plays masseur, the other is cared for. What it is and why people choose it.
Master	What is a Master in BDSM? The title for the leading party in a D/s dynamic, and the Dutch word Meester behind it, with eight centuries of history.
Masturbation	Masturbation is pleasuring yourself. 78 percent of Dutch people did it in the last six months; in BDSM someone else decides about it.
MDlb	MDlb stands for Mommy Dom/little boy: the CGL form with a woman in the caregiving role. What the acronym covers, and why it is no mirror of DDlg.
Medical play	Medical play is erotic roleplay with the roles and tools of the consulting room. What it covers, why it works, and where the Wet BIG begins.
Meet and greet	A meet and greet is a first, no-obligation introduction before anything sexual happens. What it is in the swing scene, and why you get acquainted first.
Meeting fantasy	A meeting fantasy is a sexual fantasy where the pull of the unknown comes first, not the act. What it is, and why the stranger draws you.
Menopause	Menopause is the period around when your periods stop. The stages, the Dutch figures, and what the GP guideline says about sex.
Menstrual cycle	The menstrual cycle is the monthly series of hormonal changes. What the four phases are, and why your desire for sex often moves with it.
Mental bondage	Mental bondage is bondage without rope or cuffs: you stay in place through a command or instruction. What it is, why it works, and what you agree.
Mentor	A BDSM mentor is an experienced player who helps a beginner along with advice, usually without playing together. What a mentor does, and how you find one.
Metamour	A metamour is your partner’s partner, someone you have no relationship with yourself. How young the word is, and why research long skipped that bond.
MFM	MFM is a threesome with two men and one woman, where the men do not touch each other. What the letters mean, and how MFM differs from FMF and MMF.
Milking	Milking is prostate stimulation that presses out the fluid without arousal or orgasm. Where the word comes from and what it carries.
Mindfuck	A mindfuck in BDSM means deliberately sowing confusion in a scene. How you mislead someone who agreed to it, and where it becomes a violation.
Missionary position	The missionary position is the sex position with the woman on her back and the man above. What it is, where the name comes from, and why people like it.
Mistress	Mistress is the title for a woman who leads in a power exchange. Where the word comes from and how the Dutch scene uses it.
Mommy	Mommy is the feminine, maternal caregiver role across from a little, from nurturing to steering. What it is, and how it differs from a mommy domme.
Mommy domme	A mommy domme is the feminine name for the caregiving dominant across from a little. What the role asks, and why the name itself is settled nowhere.
Money slave	A money slave is the paying, submissive role in findom, aroused by handing money to a dominant receiver. What it is and how it works.
Monogamish	Monogamish is a mostly monogamous relationship with an opening agreed in advance. What Dan Savage’s term means and how it differs from cheating.
Monogamy	Monogamy is the agreement to have one partner at a time. What it means legally, how rare it is culturally, and what couples agree about it.
Mouth gag	A mouth gag goes in or over the mouth and makes speech impossible. Which forms people use at home, why you drool, and what can really go wrong.
Mouth spreader	A mouth spreader holds the mouth open instead of filling it. The two build types, the surgical origin, and where the jaw joint gives out.
Moxa	Moxa is compressed mugwort that slowly smolders on or just above the skin. The history of the word, and why it does not stop on its own.
Multiple orgasm	A multiple orgasm is several orgasms in close succession. Why it happens more often in women, how common it is, and why it is not a norm.
Mummification	Mummification in BDSM is bondage where the whole body is wrapped in film, tape or latex. Why heat, not the wrap, sets the clock.
Munch	A munch is an informal gathering of kinky people in a café or restaurant, without play and in ordinary clothes. What happens and how you go.
Mutual masturbation	Mutual masturbation is masturbating together, at the same time or in turn, without penetration. What it is and why it counts as safer sex.

Term	What it means
Naturism	Naturism is being nude together without sexual intent, to foster respect for yourself, others and nature. What it is and what it is not.
Nawa	Nawa is the Japanese word for rope, the building block under nawashi, nawajiri and nawa-ato. What it means and how it recurs in shibari.
Nawa yoi	Nawa yoi is ‘rope drunk’: the floaty, warm daze during or after a rope session. What it is, how it feels and why it resembles subspace.
Nawa-ato	Nawa-ato are the marks that rope leaves on the skin. What the word is and is not in Japanese, and when a mark is no longer a souvenir.
Nawashi	Nawashi is the Japanese title for a rope master. What the suffix -shi does, why ‘rope maker’ is a wrong translation, and what the title does not say.
Needle play	Needle play is piercing the skin shallowly with sterile needles, then removing them. What the skin does, what the law says, and what you agree.
Negotiation	Negotiation is the conversation where you set down together what does and does not happen. Who brings what, what comes up and when you have it.
Neon wand	A neon wand is a compact violet wand: a glass electrode that sparks on the skin. What the device does and why a pacemaker is a hard limit.
Neotantra	Neotantra is the Western, twentieth-century reinterpretation of tantra, with the emphasis on sex. Where it comes from and how it differs from tantra.
Nesting partner	A nesting partner is the partner you live with in polyamory. The term is about the living situation, not about rank.
New guard	New guard is the looser, more open leather movement after the old guard, built on negotiation and SSC instead of lineage and protocol.
Newbie	A newbie is a beginner or newcomer. In the kink and BDSM scene it is someone who is just new. What the word means and where it comes from.
Nipple clamps	Nipple clamps hold the pressure on the nipple. Why the second wave of pain comes when you take them off, and where the term comes from.
Nipple orgasm	A nipple orgasm comes from nipple and breast stimulation alone. What it is, what brain research says about it, and why it works for some women.
No-go	A no-go is something you flatly say no to. Why this plain word often comes up in a conversation sooner than the scene word hard limit.
No-show	A no-show is an appointment where someone does not show up without any message. What it is, why it happens and how a deposit prevents it.
Non-hierarchical polyamory	Non-hierarchical polyamory is polyamory without rank: no primary or secondary partner, no veto. Each relationship gets what it needs on its own.
Non-monogamist	A non-monogamist is someone for whom sex and romance do not belong with one fixed partner. What the word covers, and how many people actually do it.
Nose hook	A nose hook pulls the nostrils up and distorts the face. Where it comes from, what it does, and why the blood vessels there lie so close.
NRE	NRE stands for new relationship energy, the rush of a just-started relationship. How long it lasts, what the body does, and why agreements slip.
Nudes	Nudes are nude photos someone takes of themselves and shares. What they are, what the law says about forwarding them, and how to do it more safely.
Nursing	Nursing is both nurse roleplay and adult nursing, drinking at the breast. What sets the two meanings apart and how common each one is.
Nuru massage	Nuru massage is a Japanese slide massage where two oiled bodies slide over each other. What it is, where it comes from, and what nuru means.
Nylon fetish	A nylon fetish is arousal from nylon: the shine, the sound, and the smooth feel of tights and stockings. What the term means and what it does not.

Term	What it means
Objectification	Objectification is treating someone as an object instead of a person. What forms it takes, why it appeals, and where psychology sees it differently.
Old guard	Old guard in BDSM is the older, tightly structured leather tradition with fixed protocols and ranks. Where the image comes from.
One bar prison	A one bar prison is a bar with cuffs that brings wrists and ankles together, fixing someone bent forward. What it does and what to watch for.
One penis policy	One penis policy (OPP) is a non-monogamous arrangement where the man may date women and his partner only women. Why it is called one-sided.
One-night stand	A one-night stand is sex meant to be a one-off, with no repeat or relationship. What it is exactly, and which protection agreements still apply.
Open marriage	An open marriage is a marriage where partners allow contact with others. Where the term comes from and why it originally meant something broader.
Open relationship	An open relationship is a committed couple who agree that contact with others is allowed. What it is, and how it differs from polyamory and swinging.
Oral sex	Oral sex is sex with the mouth, lips and tongue. How common it is in the Netherlands, why it isn’t safe sex, and what the STI risk means.
ORE	ORE is old relationship energy: the calm and familiarity of a longer-running relationship. The counterpart to NRE, the excitement of something new.
Orgasm control	Orgasm control is the agreement that someone else decides whether, when and how you come. The four forms, how it works, and where the line lies.
Orgasm denial	Orgasm denial is the agreement to be stimulated but not allowed to come. What sets it apart from edging, how long people keep it up, and what it does.
Orgasm gap	The orgasm gap is the measured difference in how often men and women come during straight sex. Where the gap sits, and why it isn’t the body.
Orgasm schedule	An orgasm schedule is a set schedule of when someone is and isn’t allowed to come, a structured form of orgasm control within D/s.
Orgasmic meditation	Orgasmic meditation is a partner exercise stroking the clitoris for fifteen minutes, with attention as the goal, not the orgasm. And OneTaste.
Orgy	An orgy is sex with four or more people at once, with no set roles. What sets it apart from swinging, and where the Greek word comes from.
OSO	OSO stands for other significant other: someone you have a real bond with in a non-monogamous constellation. The difference from a metamour.
Outcall	Outcall is an appointment where the provider travels to the client, for example to home or a hotel. The opposite of incall.
Outing	Outing is revealing someone’s kink or orientation without consent. What it does, what the law says about it, and what to do if it happens to you.
Over-the-knee	Over-the-knee (OTK) in BDSM is the position where the receiver lies across the giver’s thigh. Why the position works and what you stay away from.
Overnight	An overnight is an escort booking that runs the whole night, including staying to sleep. Time for closeness and waking up together, more than just sex.
Ovulation	Ovulation is the release of a mature egg from the ovary, about halfway through the cycle. What it is and when you are fertile.
Owner	An owner holds ownership over a pet or a slave, with the responsibility that comes with it. What the role involves and where it ends.
Oxytocin	Oxytocin is a hormone released by touch, sex, and orgasm. What it is proven to do, and why the nickname cuddle hormone is too simple.

Term	What it means
Paddle	A paddle is a striking implement with a flat blade on a handle. Where the American word comes from and what to watch for in use.
Pain play	Pain play is erotic play in which pain is administered and sought out with consent. What the research says, and why the same stimulus lands differently.
Pain slut	Pain slut is a BDSM term for someone who seeks out a lot of pain during a scene. What it means, and why it is not a disorder.
Pain threshold	A pain threshold is the point where a stimulus becomes pain, and the point where you stop. What can be measured about it, and why it shifts by the day.
Panic snap	A panic snap is a fastening that opens with one hand even under tension. Where it comes from, what it solves, and what it is not.
Parachute	Parachute in BDSM is a cone-shaped leather collar around the scrotum with chains that weight hangs from. What it does and what to watch for.
Parallel polyamory	Parallel polyamory is the poly style where your relationships run separately and metamours barely know each other. What it is and who it suits.
Paramour	Paramour is an old word for a lover, once a secret lover, in poly and ENM circles now simply a partner alongside your primary relationship.
Paraphilia	Paraphilia is the clinical term for an unusual sexual preference. What sets it apart from a paraphilic disorder, and why that difference matters.
Partial suspension	Partial suspension is rope work where part of your weight hangs and the rest still has support. How the load shifts and where the nerves sit.
Paypig	A paypig is the giving side within findom. Why the name sounds so humiliating, who calls themselves one, and what research does and does not say.
Peer rope	Peer rope is a rope evening with no teacher and no program, equals who practice together. How an evening runs and what falls away without a teacher.
Pegging	Pegging is anal sex where a woman penetrates a man with a strap-on dildo. The origin, what research says, and how people build it up.
Pelvic floor	The pelvic floor is the layer of muscle at the base of the pelvis that carries your organs, controls continence, and plays a part in pain and orgasm.
Penetration	Penetration is inserting a penis, finger, or toy into the vagina, anus, or mouth. What it is, the forms, and how it stays comfortable.
Penis	The penis is the male sex organ. How it is built, how an erection works, and what the research says about ‘normal’ size.
Penis pump	A penis pump is a vacuum pump that draws blood into the penis for an erection, used for erectile dysfunction. How it works and where you get guidance.
Peppermint oil	Peppermint oil gives the skin a burning-cold feeling without anything getting colder. Why that happens, where it does not belong, and how to get it off.
Performance anxiety in bed	Performance anxiety in bed is the fear of failing sexually, and that fear is exactly what blocks sex. What it is, how the cycle works, and what helps.
Performance pressure	Performance pressure in bed is the fear of having to perform, which blocks arousal. What it is, how spectatoring works, and what helps.
Perineum	The perineum is the area between vagina and anus. Where it sits, why it is sensitive, and what perineal massage does before childbirth.
Petplay	Petplay is roleplay where one person is a pet and the other the keeper: fed, rewarded, petted. What research says about it and how people do it.
Pick-up play	Pick-up play is playing with someone you met that same evening. What falls away without a shared history, and what research says people really discuss.
Pillory	A pillory clamps neck and wrists between two planks, so you stand fixed and bent forward. Its build, the posture and where the piece comes from.
Pinwheel	A pinwheel is a stainless-steel wheel with points that rolls across the skin. Where it comes from, how it feels, and when it does break the skin.
Platonic touch	Platonic touch is non-sexual physical contact, like a hug or holding hands. What it is, what it does and why it matters.
Play date	A play date is a moment agreed in advance to play together: kink, a scene or sex. What it is and how it differs from spontaneous play.
Play party	A play party is a private evening where BDSM is actually done. What it is, what it is not, and where the Dutch word speelfeest comes from.
Play piercing	Play piercing is temporary piercing with sterile needles. What the word piercing means here, and why fainting is the real risk.
Play relationship	A play relationship is an ongoing arrangement to do BDSM together without a love relationship. How common it is and which agreements keep it running.
Playroom	A playroom is a room fitted out for BDSM. The most neutral of the three words, and the only one you can say out loud at home.
Poly/mono	Poly/mono is a relationship where one partner is polyamorous and the other monogamous. What it is, how it works, and where it chafes.
Polyamory	Polyamory is maintaining several love relationships at once, with everyone’s knowledge. What it is, what it is not, and what the law makes of it.
Polyandry	Polyandry is the rare form of polygamy where one woman is married to several men at once. What it is and where it occurs.
Polybomb	A polybomb is dropping polyamory on a monogamous partner without warning. What the word means and why it’s contested.
Polycule	A polycule is the interconnected network of people in polyamorous relationships, named after a molecule. What it is and how one looks.
Polyfidelity	Polyfidelity is a closed polyamorous relationship where all members are equal and pledge faithfulness to the group. What it is and how it works.
Polygamy	Polygamy is marriage to more than one partner at once. How it differs from polyamory, how common it is, and why it’s banned in the Netherlands.
Polygyny	Polygyny is the form of polygamy where one man is married to several women at once. The most common form, and where it occurs.
Polysaturated	Polysaturated means being polyamorous but having no room for a new partner. What it is and why that limit can be healthy.
Ponyplay	Ponyplay is roleplay where someone takes on the role of a horse, with bit, tack, and schooling. Why it stands beside petplay, not under it.
Porous material	Porous material in sex toys holds bacteria and is hard to clean. Why silicone and glass are safer, and what you can do.
Position training	Position training is learning fixed postures taken on a single word. What the postures do, how you build them up, and what your body notices.
Postnatal sex	Postnatal sex is sex after childbirth. When it’s possible again, why it often feels different, and what helps with dryness and pain.
Praise kink	A praise kink is arousal and surrender from praise: good girl, well done. What praise does to a person, and why it’s the mirror of degradation.
Predicament bondage	Predicament bondage is bondage where every position has a price. How it works, why muscle strength always loses, and how to guard the time limit.
Pregnancy sex	Pregnancy sex is sex during pregnancy. With a healthy pregnancy it’s almost always safe. How desire shifts each trimester and when to be careful.
Premature ejaculation	Premature ejaculation is coming sooner than wanted, enough to bother you. What it is, how common it is, and that it’s very treatable.
PRICK	PRICK in BDSM stands for Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink. What the acronym asks, and what it does not settle legally.
Primal hunter	Primal hunter is the hunting half of primal play: chasing, grabbing, holding down. What the role involves and the self-control it demands.
Primal play	Primal play is rough play on instinct: hunting, wrestling, biting, growling. What it is, why language falls away, and what you agree beforehand.
Primal prey	Primal prey is the fleeing half of primal play: getting away, struggling, being caught. Why that’s an active role and not a passive one.
Primary partner	Primary partner is the most entangled partner with priority in hierarchical polyamory. What it is, how it works, and the criticism of it.
Pro Dom	Pro Dom is someone who plays the dominant role for pay. What the work involves, how it’s regulated in the Netherlands, and why men are rare.
Prodomme	Prodomme is a woman who dominates for pay. Why the occupation prefers that word over dominatrix, and the line it draws with it.
Prostate massage	Prostate massage is stimulation of the prostate through the rectum. What urology did with it, what it delivers sexually, and when to leave it alone.
Protector	Protector in BDSM is an experienced scene peer who acts as a buffer for someone new. What the role involves and where it stops.
Protocol	BDSM protocol is the agreed form of conduct within D/s: how you address each other, who speaks when, posture, and what happens after a slip.
Public play	Public play is BDSM with others present. What sets it apart from exhibitionism, where the legal line falls, and what you agree on in a club.
Punishment	Punishment in BDSM is the agreed consequence for behavior forbidden in advance. What the word drags in from the courtroom, and why that grates.
Pup hood	A pup hood is the dog mask someone wears during puppy play. What it is, what it is for, and how it helps you slip into the pup role.
Puppy play	Puppy play is roleplay in the role of a pup: crawling, playing, gear. The best-researched form of animal roleplay, with figures on who does it and why.
Pursuer-distancer pattern	The pursuer-distancer pattern is the dance where one pushes for contact and the other withdraws. What research measures about roles and change over time.

Term	What it means
Quad	A quad in polyamory is a relationship between four people, often two couples. What the term means, how such a bond forms, and what it does not solve.
Queening	Queening is the form of facesitting where the mouth and nose get covered. The history of the word and why breathing is the core of the agreement.
Quirt	A quirt is a short braided whip with two wide leather falls, from the American West. How it is built and how it differs from the riding whip.

Term	What it means
RACK	RACK in BDSM stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Who coined it, and what being risk-aware asks of you in practice.
RADAR	RADAR is Multiamory’s monthly relationship check-in, in five fixed steps. What the letters stand for and how you run such a check-in.
Rape fantasy	A rape fantasy is a fantasy about forced sex. How common it is, why it is erotic or instead frightening, and what it does not say about you.
Rape play	Rape play is consensual roleplay of a non-consensual scenario. What is fixed in advance, what the law says, and what the research really shows.
Red flag	A red flag is a warning sign that someone handles a relationship or meeting in an unhealthy way. What to watch for when choosing a sex partner.
Refractory period	The refractory period is the recovery phase after orgasm when you can’t come again right away. How long it lasts and the role of prolactin.
Regular client	A regular client in sex work comes back to the same sex worker regularly. Why the build-up gets shorter and why it is safer.
Relationship anarchy	Relationship anarchy refuses to rank relationships. Where the 2006 manifesto comes from, what its eight points say, and what it is not.
Relationship anarchy smorgasbord	The relationship anarchy smorgasbord is a worksheet for building a relationship element by element. What it is, where it comes from, and how to use it.
Relationship check-in	A relationship check-in is a fixed, planned moment to catch up together about the relationship. What it is, how to approach it, and the forms it takes.
Relationship diversity	Relationship diversity is the recognition that many valid relationship forms exist side by side, from monogamy to polyamory, and none is the only right one.
Relationship escalator	The relationship escalator is the standard path from dating to living together and marriage. Where it comes from, its features, and what stepping off means.
Relationship structure	A relationship structure is the form a relationship takes, who’s involved and what’s agreed. The examples, and why the form says nothing about quality.
Relationship therapy	Relationship therapy is psychotherapy in which partners work on their relationship together. What it is, how it works, what it delivers and where to go.
Reparative sex	Reparative sex is sex meant to overwrite an earlier bad experience with a good one. It can help and it can come too soon.
Repeat booking	A repeat booking with a gigolo is a follow-up that builds on what worked last time. What the term means and why a second time is different.
Responsive desire	Responsive desire is wanting sex that only arises once arousal is underway. What it is, how it works, and why no desire beforehand is no defect.
Restraints	Restraints are cuffs for the wrists or ankles, in leather, rubber, steel, or nylon. The difference between materials and why steel asks the most.
Riding whip	A riding whip in BDSM is a short whip with a sturdy handle and a braided fall, and what sets it apart from the crop.
Rigger	A rigger is the one who ties with rope. Where the word comes from, what it does and doesn’t say about skill, and what to watch for.
Right of the slash	The right of the slash is, in D/s or M/s, the side after the slash: the submissive or slave. What the lowercase letter means and where you see it.
Rimjob	A rimjob is oral sex aimed at the anus. How common it is among straight people, where the word comes from, and the health risk that really comes with it.
Risky play	Risky play is, in the scene, a loose name for edgeplay. In research it’s a technical term about children’s play. What the phrase does and doesn’t mean.
Roleplay	Erotic roleplay is sex or BDSM where you play an agreed role. How common it is, why it works, and how you step back out of it.
Roommate syndrome	Roommate syndrome is when lovers start living as housemates and desire fades. What it is, how it forms, and what it is not.
Rope	Rope for bondage is a binding made of three layers of opposing twist. How that build-up works, and which size shibari uses.
Rope bottom	A rope bottom is the one who gets tied up. Why that is work rather than lying still, and which signals you have to be able to name yourself.
Rope bunny	Rope bunny is the pet name for someone who likes being tied up. Where it comes from, and why not everyone is comfortable wearing it.
Rope care	Rope care is the upkeep of bondage rope: oiling, washing, drying, and checking for wear. Why natural-fiber rope needs looking after, and what is safe.
Rope jam	A rope jam is an afternoon or evening of free practice with rope. Where the name comes from, and how such a gathering runs in the Netherlands.
Rope space	Rope space is the scene word for the state rope brings you into. What people say about it, and why nobody explains the word.
Rope top	Rope top is the party who ties and leads in a rope scene. Why it is a role word, and what research measures about that role.
Rose ceremony	A rose ceremony in BDSM binds a Dominant and a submissive with a white and a red rose. How it goes, and what the blood part does.
Rubber fetish	Rubber fetish is a sexual preference for people in latex or rubber clothing, or for the clothing itself. Where the pull sits, and how it relates to latex.
Ruined orgasm	With a ruined orgasm the stimulation stops right at the tipping point, so the orgasm comes but without the peak. How that works, and what it is not.
Rules	Rules are the behavior agreements in a D/s relationship that carry on outside the session. How they differ from protocol, and why they work.

Term	What it means
S-type	An s-type is the umbrella term for anyone on the receiving side of a D/s dynamic. What the term means and how it differs from a sub.
Sabaki	Sabaki is the Japanese word for rope handling, how smoothly and under control someone works the rope during shibari. What it is, and why it matters.
Sacred kink	Sacred kink is kink used deliberately to bring on an altered state of consciousness or spiritual insight. What it is, and where it comes from.
Sadism	Sadism is drawing arousal from pain you give someone else, with consent. Where the word comes from and why researchers split it from everyday sadism.
Sadist	A sadist is someone who draws arousal from pain he gives another, with consent. Why almost no one uses the word plainly, and what research says about it.
Sadomasochism	Sadomasochism is play where one gives pain and the other takes it, with consent. The history of the word and why it is no longer a diagnosis.
Safe call	A safe call is the arrangement that someone knows where you are and what happens if you don’t check in. How to set one up, and the part everyone forgets.
Safer sex	Safer sex is everything that lowers the chance of an STI or pregnancy. Why it is called safer and not safe, and where you can go for it.
Safety call	A safety call lets someone know where you are and when you’ll be done. What sex-work research says about it, and what the measure does not do.
Safeword	A safeword is the agreed word that stops a BDSM scene at once. Why no and stop don’t work, and what should happen after the word is said.
SAM	A SAM (Smart Ass Masochist) is a submissive masochist who cheekily provokes to draw out punishment or pain. What the term is and how it differs from a brat.
Sauna club	A sauna club is, in the Netherlands, an erotic sauna for couples and singles. How it differs from a couples club, and why in Germany it is a brothel.
Scarification	Scarification is deliberately making a permanent scar. The methods, why the wound is kept open on purpose, and what Dutch law does with it.
Scat	Scat is sexual play with feces, the scene word for coprophilia. What it covers, and why it carries the highest health risk on the list.
Scene	Scene means two things: one bounded BDSM session, and the community around it. How to tell which one is meant, and where the word comes from.
Scene name	A scene name is the name someone is known by in the BDSM scene. Why people use one, and where the protection it gives runs out.
Scissoring	Scissoring is a sexual act where two people rub their vulvas together with their legs like a scissors. What it is and whether it is safe.
Screening	Screening is checking a new client or provider before the date goes ahead. How it works, why it makes things safer, and how to screen yourself.
Secondary partner	A secondary partner is, in a non-monogamous relationship, the partner with less priority than the primary, usually living apart and without shared finances.
Secure attachment	Secure attachment is being able to let closeness in and to be alone without one threatening the other. Where it comes from and how it works in relationships.
Self-bondage	Self-bondage is tying yourself up with no one there to free you. Why playing alone is judged differently from playing with someone else.
Self-regulation	Self-regulation is steering your thoughts, feelings, and behavior so tension doesn’t sweep you along. How it works and why it helps in nervous moments.
Semen	Semen is the fluid released during ejaculation. What it is made of, how much there is, and what the sperm cells do.
Semen retention	Semen retention is deliberately not ejaculating to hold on to your semen. Where the idea comes from and why the health benefits are not proven.
Semenawa	Semenawa is rope work where enduring is the point. What the word 責め means, where it comes from, and why it has no dictionary entry.
Sensation play	Sensation play is anything that stimulates skin and senses without power exchange at its core. What it is, how it works, and how to do it.
Sense of safety	A sense of safety is the bodily knowledge that you may leave, may say no, and have to do nothing. Where it comes from and why everything after rests on it.
Sensory deprivation	Sensory deprivation is taking away sight, hearing, or touch with a blindfold, earplugs, or a hood. What it does, and why the clock matters most.
Serial monogamy	Serial monogamy is being faithful to one partner at a time, in a series of relationships. What it is, and how it differs from lifelong monogamy.
Service	Service is the scene word for doing something because the other person wants it. Its origin, why a top can give it too, and where it goes wrong.
Service bottom	A service bottom is a bottom who bottoms mainly for the top’s pleasure. What it is, how it differs from a service top, and why people do it.
Service sub	A service sub is a submissive whose surrender sits in tasks rather than in pain. What the word signals, and why it is not a measured category.
Service top	A service top is a top who gives sensation or control exactly as the bottom wants. What it is, how it differs from a dominant, and how it works.
Service-oriented submission	Service-oriented submission is carrying out tasks for a dominant partner as surrender. What it involves, why people enjoy it, and where it goes wrong.
Sex club	A sex club is a venue where guests have sex on the premises. In the Netherlands usually a couples, swingers, or sauna club, each with its own rules.
Sex doll	A sex doll is a life-size doll for sexual use, usually of silicone or TPE. What it is, and what the related paraphilia agalmatophilia involves.
Sex position	A sex position is the posture people have sex in. What it decides, the main families, and why varying and switching is worth the effort.
Sex therapy	Sex therapy is a targeted treatment of sexual complaints by a sexologist. What it is, which complaints it addresses, and how to get there.
Sex toy	A sex toy is a catch-all for objects you use during sex. Which material is body-safe, why porosity matters, and how to keep it clean.
Sex Toy Hygiene	Sex toy hygiene means cleaning and storing sex toys so they stay safe to use. How to clean each material, and how to avoid an infection.
Sex work	Sex work is paid sexual services. Where the word comes from, how big the Dutch industry is, and where male escorts stand.
Sex worker stigma	Sex worker stigma is the social judgment that rests on sex work and sex workers. What it is, what it does, and why it often outweighs the work.
Sex-negative	Sex-negative is an attitude that treats sex mainly as risk, sin, or shame, the opposite of sex-positive. What it is and what it does to you.
Sex-positive	Sex-positive means seeing sex as a healthy, ordinary part of life, with consent as the hard boundary. What it is and isn’t, and how to apply it.
Sexless marriage	A sexless marriage is a relationship with little or no sex for a long time, usually without it being said out loud. What it does and what helps.
Sexological bodywork	Sexological bodywork is body-based sexual education with one-way touch. What it is, where it comes from, and how it differs from sex.
Sexology	Sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality. What it is, where it comes from, and what a sexologist actually does with it.
Sexting	Sexting is exchanging sexual messages and images. What it is, how to do it safely and with consent, and where it becomes a crime.
Sexual accelerator	The sexual accelerator is the part of your sexual response that turns arousal on. How it works, how it pairs with the brake, and why that explains desire.
Sexual acts	Sexual acts is the catch-all for what people do sexually. What falls under it, and how law, healthcare, and research divide the group differently.
Sexual autonomy	Sexual autonomy is your right to decide over your own body and sexuality. What it is, why it’s the core of consent, and how it works.
Sexual biography	A sexual biography is the personal story of your sexuality across your life. What it is, how a sexologist uses it, and why it explains complaints.
Sexual brake	The sexual brake is the part of your sexual response that inhibits arousal. Why releasing it often helps more than accelerating, and how to handle it.
Sexual burnout	A sexual burnout is not ordinary tiredness. The desire itself stays gone, even when rested. What sets it apart, how it develops, and what helps.
Sexual care	Sexual care is sexual services for people with a disability, usually through an intermediary. What it is, how it is arranged, and where it belongs.
Sexual communication	Sexual communication is talking about your wants and boundaries in sex. Why its quality matters more than frequency, and how to start the conversation.
Sexual curiosity	Sexual curiosity is the healthy urge to explore your desires. What it is, why it links to satisfaction, and how to follow it without any pressure.
Sexual currency	Sexual currency is the flirting and touch you build up without it needing to lead to sex. What it is, where it comes from, and why it counts.
Sexual guilt	Sexual guilt is the guilty feeling around sex: the idea you did something wrong. How it differs from shame, where it comes from, and how to handle it.
Sexual healing	Sexual healing is rebuilding a safe bond with intimacy after trauma or shame. What it is, how it works, and where professional help begins.
Sexual response cycle	The sexual response cycle describes the phases of arousal. The 1966 model, why it didn’t fit women, and what came in its place.
Sexual script	A sexual script is the learned playbook that decides how sex should go, in your mind. What it is, where it comes from, and how to deviate from it.
Sexual self-image	Sexual self-image is the picture you have of yourself as a sexual being. How it steers your choices and satisfaction, and how to strengthen it.
Sexual services	Sexual services is paid intimacy and sex offered as a service, often in care. What it is, what’s allowed, and how it relates to sex work.
Sexual shame	Sexual shame is the feeling that something is wrong with you as a sexual being. Where it comes from, what it does to you, and how to ease it.
Sexual upbringing	Sexual upbringing is how caregivers guide children around body, boundaries, and sex. What it is, what research says, and how it colors you later.
Shaving	Shaving in BDSM is a ritual where someone else holds the razor. What it means, how often it happens, and what it does to your skin.
Shibari	Shibari is the Western name for Japanese rope bondage. The origin, how a session goes, and what injuries have been measured.
Shibarite	Shibarite is the Japanese word for the one who ties: the rope top in a session. Where the word comes from and how it relates to rigger.
Shinju	Shinju means pearl and is used for a chest harness of rope. Where that word comes from, and why rope people prefer to say munenawa.
Signal whip	A signal whip is a short single tail without a fall, with the cracker attached to the body itself. Where the name comes from and what that changes.
Single column tie	A single column tie binds one column and must never cinch down. What a column is, why a sliding loop is so risky, and how tight is too tight.
Single tail	Single tail is the umbrella name for whips with one strand. Who belongs to it, what sets them apart, and what happens in 45 centimeters.
Sir	Sir is the form of address for the leading party, and in the leather tradition a title you win. Where the term comes from and what it sets down.
Sissification	Sissification is the long-term feminization of a man, with humiliation as the means. The history of the word and how common this is.
Sissy	Sissy began in 1768 as a pet name for a sister and became a slur around 1873. What it names in the scene, and why the sting is the function.
Sjambok	Sjambok is a heavy, stiff whip of leather or plastic, originally from South Africa. What it is, where it comes from, and how it is used in BDSM.
Skin hunger	Skin hunger is the need for touch through the skin. The dictionary, the nerve fibers behind it, and the numbers from Utrecht research after lockdown.
Slapper	A slapper is a flat leather impact tool of two layers that clap together. Why it mostly makes noise, and where the name comes from.
Slave	Slave in BDSM is a chosen role within M/s. Where the word comes from, why it sits heavy in the Netherlands, and what sets it apart from submissive.
Slave auction	A slave auction is a party game where someone auctions off their own time, usually for charity. How it goes, and what the name costs.
Slave contract	A slave contract puts an M/s arrangement on paper. What the oldest example from 1870 misses, what the law makes of it, and which clause is essential.
Sleep deprivation	Sleep deprivation is withholding sleep as part of BDSM. What it measurably does to a person, where the limits are, and why it counts as edgeplay.
Sleepsack	A sleepsack is a tight bondage bag that fixes the whole body in place. What it is, how it works, and what to watch for when you use one.
Sling	A sling in BDSM is a leather or synthetic swing on chains, in which you lie with your legs in stirrups. What it hangs from, and what to watch.
Smothering	Smothering is closing off mouth and nose with a body, hand or pillow. Why it is not strangulation and why it leaves almost no marks.
Snake whip	A snake whip is a single tail with no stiff handle, one you roll up like a snake. What that costs, what it gives, and where the weight sits.
Snap hook	A snap hook closes with a sliding bolt instead of a hinged gate. Where it comes from, and why nothing is marked on it.
Sneakarchy	Sneakarchy is a hidden hierarchy in polyamory. What it is, why it harms, and why honest hierarchy beats sneaky equality.
Soft limit	A soft limit is a no with one named condition attached. Why the word sounds mild, and why the agreement behind it is not.
Soft swap	Soft swap is partner swapping where everything goes except intercourse: kissing, touching, oral. What it is and how it differs from full swap.
Solo polyamory	Solo polyamory is polyamory where you have several relationships but deliberately no primary partner. What it is, why people choose it, and what it is not.
Solo practice	Solo practice in BDSM is kink you do on your own, from self-bondage to orgasm control. Why safety counts double here.
Somatic experiencing	Somatic experiencing is a body-based trauma therapy from Peter Levine. What it is, how it works through the nervous system, and where it belongs.
Somatic sexology	Somatic sexology is a body-based approach to sexuality. What it is, how it works through touch and breath, and where it belongs.
Sounding	Sounding is inserting a rod into the urethra for the sensation. What the word actually means, and what urology reports about how it ends.
Spanking	Spanking is striking the buttocks as erotic play. Where the word comes from, why people seek it, and what you settle beforehand.
Spanking bench	A spanking bench is a padded block on four legs that holds someone bent forward. Where the gear comes from, and what to watch for.
Spectatoring	Spectatoring is watching and judging yourself during sex instead of feeling. What it is, why it dampens arousal, and how to get back out of it.
Speculum	A speculum is an instrument that holds a body opening open so you can look inside. Where the word comes from and how old the tool is.
Speech ban	A speech ban is the agreement that you stay silent for a set time. What it does, what it takes away, and which signal you set up instead.
SPH	SPH is small penis humiliation, a consensual form of erotic humiliation. What it is, why people enjoy it, and why consent is the limit.
Spider gag	A spider gag is a ring gag with prongs that holds the mouth open instead of blocking it. What it is, how it works, and what to watch for.
Spitting	Spitting is spitting on or into another person’s mouth as humiliation. What saliva can and cannot pass on, and what to agree on first.
Spontaneous desire	Spontaneous desire is wanting sex that arises on its own, before anything exciting happens. What it is and how it differs from responsive desire.
Spooning	Spooning is the position where both partners lie on their side, one against the other’s back. What it is and why it feels so good.
Spotter	A spotter is someone who during a rope scene only watches for safety and steps in if something goes wrong. What it is and when you use one.
Spreader bar	A spreader bar is a bar with a cuff at each end that holds the wrists, knees or ankles apart. What each placement makes impossible, and how it attaches.
Squick	Squick is disgust without judgment, not my thing, fine for you. Why it is not a limit, and where the word came from in 1991.
Squirting	Squirting is the release of a lot of fluid through the urethra at high arousal. What research says, and how it differs from female ejaculation.
SSC	SSC stands for safe, sane and consensual. Not a slogan but the opening of 1983 bylaws you had to sign when you joined a club.
St Andrew’s Cross	A St Andrew’s Cross is a person-height X-shaped frame with points for cuffs. What it does, how you stand in it, and why it’s used so often.
Stag	A stag is the man who lets his partner go with others and enjoys it, without humiliation. Where the role comes from and what it asks of him.
STI	STI stands for sexually transmitted infection: an infection you pick up through sex. What it is, why testing matters, and how to prevent one.
STI test	An STI test checks whether you have an STI. Where to get tested, when to go, and why testing without symptoms matters.
Stockwhip	A stockwhip is an Australian single tail with a handle that hangs loose from the thong. How that link works and which stock sits in the name.
Stop signal	A stop signal is the agreed sign that ends a scene without words. Which signals work, and why you pick one on what stays free.
Stracciatella	Stracciatella is a Dutch scene joke for someone who isn’t fully vanilla but wouldn’t call themselves a BDSMer either. Where the joke comes from.
Straitjacket	A straitjacket is a jacket that fastens the arms crossed over the torso, closing at the back. What strait means, and why you never walk out of one.
Stranger fantasy	A stranger fantasy is playing that two people don’t know each other. What it is, why it turns you on, and why it’s a gentle first step into roleplay.
Strap-on	A strap-on is a dildo on a harness worn around the hips. The word names the strap, not the dildo, and that’s exactly where it trips up in practice.
Strappado	Strappado pulls your wrists, tied behind your back, up until you bend forward. What the position does to you, and how to keep it safe and short.
Sub	Sub is the scene shorthand for the submissive side of a BDSM relationship. Where the two letters come from and what they say about a person.
Sub-list	A sub-list is the filled-in list where the receiving side marks yes or no per act. What’s on it, and why there is no maybe.
Subdrop	Subdrop is the dip that can hit the receiving partner hours to days after a session. When it comes, how long it lasts, and what really helps.
Submission	Submission is the handing over of control itself, the small s of D/s. What exactly gets transferred, how long it lasts, and what doesn’t fit.
Submissive	A submissive is someone who gives up authority within a BDSM relationship. Why in plain English the same word means something quite different.
Subspace	Subspace is the altered state the receiving side can enter during a scene. What has been measured about it, and why you can’t decide in it.
Sugar mommy	A sugar mommy is a wealthy woman who supports a younger partner in exchange for time and company. What it is and where the line with sex work runs.
Surrogate partner	A surrogate partner is a trained professional who works with a client and therapist on intimacy. What it is, how the role works, and the line with sex work.
Surrogate partner therapy	Surrogate partner therapy treats intimacy problems by practicing with a surrogate partner under a therapist. What it is and how it works.
Suspension	Suspension is bondage where your whole weight hangs from rope. Why hanging still is the danger itself, and how fast it goes wrong.
Suturing	Suturing is a form of play piercing where the skin is sewn with needle and thread. What it is, how it works, and why it’s high-risk edgeplay.
Swingers club	A swingers club is a venue for partner swapping and group sex with play rooms on site. What it is, how it works, and how it differs from a couples club.
Swinging	Swinging is having sex with others as a couple, with your partner’s knowledge. Where the Dutch word comes from and what it leaves open.
Switch	A switch is someone who takes both the dominant and the submissive role. What changes, when, and why the word once meant a whip.

Term	What it means
Taboo	A taboo is a subject a community silently forbids. What it is, why sex often stays taboo, and why the forbidden itself stirs desire.
Takate kote	Takate kote is the Japanese tie with the arms on the back. What the four characters mean, and why this tie causes so much nerve injury.
Takedown	A takedown is taking someone to the ground during physical, consensual primal play. What it is, how it works, and why agreements up front count.
Tantra	Tantra is an esoteric current from Hinduism and Buddhism. What the word means, and why what is called tantra here is really neotantra.
Tantra massage	A tantra massage is an attentive massage from tantra, with breath and energy. What it is, how it differs from an erotic massage, and what it gives.
Tasuki	Tasuki is a Japanese rope pattern that runs as an X over chest and shoulders, borrowed from tying up kimono sleeves. Where the form comes from.
Tawse	A tawse is a leather strap with a split end, until 1987 the punishment tool of the Scottish school. Where it landed, and what Strasbourg said.
Tease and denial	Tease and denial is stimulating to just before orgasm and then stopping. What the word tease means, and why the craving runs on a bigger circuit.
Teledildonics	Teledildonics are computer-controlled sex toys you operate remotely over the internet. What it is, how it works, and what people use it for.
Telemour	A telemour is the partner of your metamour, one step further out in your polycule. What the word means, where it comes from, and when to use it.
Temperature play	Temperature play is play with heat and cold on the skin. Why warm next to cold burns, and why there is only one degree of margin.
TENS	TENS is a medical unit that sends current through skin electrodes. What 381 studies say about it, and which spots are truly ruled out.
Tertiary partner	A tertiary partner gets the least time and priority in hierarchical polyamory. What it means, and how it differs from primary and secondary.
Testicle cuffs	Testicle cuffs close as a ring around the scrotum, between body and testicles. What they are, why it is about ownership, and where the limit lies.
Testosterone	Testosterone plays a part in desire and arousal in women too. Where it comes from, what it does, and what happens to it around menopause.
The 3 V’s	The 3 V’s are the Dutch version of SSC: safe, sensible and voluntary. Where the framework comes from and what it does and doesn’t settle.
The Next Generation	TNG stands for The Next Generation: groups and munches for younger kinksters, usually 18 to 35. What it is and where it comes from.
Theme party	A theme party is a club night in the swingers or fetish scene with a set subject and dress code. What it is, how it works, and what the theme decides.
Three-Minute Game	The Three-Minute Game is an exercise where two people take turns for three minutes asking for what they want. What it is and what it teaches you.
Threesome	A threesome is sex between three people where at least one is active with both others. What the numbers say and why the third person counts most.
Throat-fucking	Throat-fucking is oral sex where the one with the penis thrusts and the mouth stays passive. Who steers, what the throat does, what you agree on.
Throuple	A throuple is a love relationship between three people. What the word means, how it works, and the difference between a closed and an open throuple.
Thumbcuffs	Thumbcuffs lock only the thumbs together and immobilize surprisingly much. What they do, and why the EU bans trade in them.
Tickling	Tickling triggers a laugh reflex that says nothing about pleasure. The difference between gargalesis and knismesis, and why self-tickling fails.
Time block	A time block is the reserved duration of an appointment. What it is, why you book a block of time and not one act, and everything it includes.
Titration	Titration is a principle from somatic experiencing. You process a distressing experience in very small pieces so the nervous system can handle it.
TK	TK is the scene abbreviation for takate kote, the shibari tie with the arms behind the back. What the two letters leave out, and where else you meet them.
Toilet service	Toilet service is servitude around urine and feces, from receiving to cleaning up. Why it is a hard limit for most people.
Toilet slave	Toilet slave is the submissive who fulfills the role of toilet within watersports or scat. What the role involves and why the risk counts.
Top	In BDSM a top is the one who carries out the action. How it differs from a dominant, where the word comes from, and how to top well.
Topdrop	Topdrop is the dip that can hit the giving side after a scene. Why the literature puts it next to theater and top sport, and what helps.
Topping	Topping is carrying out the action in a scene: tying, striking, giving an order. What sets it apart from being a top and being a dominant.
Topping from the bottom	Topping from the bottom is the accusation that someone claims to be submissive and steers anyway. What the dictionary says, and why it often lands unfairly.
Topspace	Topspace is the state of complete concentration a top drops into during a scene. What the dictionary says, and why time speeds up inside it.
Total power exchange	Total power exchange is the form where money, calendar, and clothing fall under the agreement. Why the scene excludes it and the law will not recognize it.
Touch deprivation	Touch deprivation is a lasting shortage of physical contact. What research measures, why people living alone are hit harder, and when it counts.
Toyboy	A toyboy is a much younger man in a relationship with an older woman. What the word means, its overtone, and how it differs from a gigolo.
TPE	TPE is the abbreviation for total power exchange, the power exchange that covers every area of life. Plus five other things those same letters mean.
Traffic Light System	The traffic light system in BDSM uses three colors to steer how far a scene goes. What yellow really means, the opposite of on the road.
Training	Training in BDSM is teaching behavior through repetition in a fixed context. How common it is, why spacing works, and where the word comes from.
Trampling	Trampling is arousal from standing on or walking over someone with consent. What the pressure under a foot does, and why breathing is the risk.
Transvestism	Transvestism means wearing clothing associated with another gender. What the word has meant over time, and what the ICD-11 did with the diagnosis.
Trauma-informed care	Trauma-informed care assumes anyone may be carrying something. What it is, SAMHSA’s six principles, and why safety is the standard.
Triad	A triad is a polyamorous relationship among three people who are all bonded to each other. What it is, and how it differs from a vee and a throuple.
Tribadism	Tribadism is a non-penetrative technique in which two women move their vulvas against each other. What it is, where the name comes from, how it works.
Tribute	A tribute is money or a gift given up within findom as a sign of submission. Where the term comes from and what it does in practice.
Trigger	A trigger is a stimulus that sets off an intense, unwanted reaction. What the manuals do and don’t say, and where scene usage diverges.
Triskelion	A triskelion is an ancient symbol of three turning arms or spirals. Where it comes from, what it means, and how the BDSM scene took it up.
Troilism	Troilism is arousal from watching your own partner with someone else while you join in. What it is, and how it differs from candaulism.

Term	What it means
Unicorn hunters	Unicorn hunters are a couple seeking a third, usually a bisexual woman, on their own terms. What the term means and why it sounds critical.
Uniform fetish	Uniform fetish is arousal from service dress and what it signals. What it is, why it works, and where the law stands in the Netherlands and Germany.
Urethral play	Urethral play is everything done in the urethra. What falls under it, why it draws people, and why the risks are different for women.

Term	What it means
Vacuum bed	A vacuum bed is a latex sheath with the air sucked out. How it works, why someone must always stay with you, and where the limit lies.
Vaginal atrophy	Vaginal atrophy is the thinning and drying of the vaginal wall from less estrogen. What it is, what symptoms it gives, and that it’s very treatable.
Vaginal dilation	Vaginal dilation is practicing with dilators in increasing sizes. What it’s used for, how it works, and why going slowly is the whole point.
Vaginal dryness	Vaginal dryness has many causes, more than menopause alone. What it is, where it comes from, and what helps, from lubricant to a talk with your doctor.
Vaginismus	Vaginismus is the ongoing difficulty getting something into the vagina while you do want to. The definition, the numbers, and the route via your GP.
Vagus nerve	The vagus nerve is the main rest nerve of your body. What it does, how it turns touch into relaxation, and its role in pleasure and aftercare.
Vanilla	Vanilla is everything outside kink and BDSM. Where the word comes from, what Dutch made of it, and why it isn’t a judgment.
Vee	A vee is a polyamorous relationship where one person has two partners who have nothing with each other. What it is and how it differs from a triad.
Verbal humiliation	Verbal humiliation is humiliation that works with words alone. What gets said, why it lands, and how you agree on it and stop it.
Veto	A veto is a partner’s right to block a certain contact or activity. The soft veto is the trickiest form of it.
Vetting	Vetting is checking out a possible play partner before you meet: profiles, questions, references. What it is, why it makes things safer, and how it goes.
Vibrator	A vibrator is a vibrating sex toy. How many women use one, what it’s for within BDSM, and why the hysteria story is false.
Violet wand	A violet wand delivers high voltage through a glass electrode that sparks. Why there’s only one pole, and why a pacemaker keeps the device off.
Vixen	A vixen is the woman in a stag-and-vixen arrangement. Where the name comes from and why some women prefer it to hotwife.
Voice play	Voice play is erotic play where the voice is the instrument: tone, pace and words instead of hands. What it is, how it works and why it lands.
Voyeur	A voyeur is someone who gets aroused from watching. Where the French word comes from and why in Dutch it’s usually a reproach.
Voyeurism	Voyeurism is arousal from watching. How common it is, when it can happen with consent, and why the law only starts once a lens is involved.
Vulva	The vulva is the whole of the external female genitals. What it includes, why it is not the vagina, and how much variation is normal.
Vulvodynia	Vulvodynia is persistent vulva pain with no clear cause, often burning or stinging. What it is, that it is real, and that treatment exists.

Term	What it means
WAM	WAM stands for wet and messy, arousal from wet or messy substances on the body, also called sploshing. What it is and what falls outside it.
Warm-up	A BDSM warm-up is the calm start of impact play: light, rhythmic slaps until the skin flushes and the pain threshold rises with it.
Waterboarding	Waterboarding creates a drowning sensation and is originally a torture method. What it is, why it stays life-threatening, and why I don’t do it.
Watersports	Watersports is the umbrella word for sexual play with urine. Where the word is used, what it covers, and why it says so little on its own.
Wax Play	Wax play is play with melted wax on the skin. Why wax at 52 °C is safe while water at 52 °C burns, and how the clinic does it.
Weights	Weights are small weights hung on a clamp, ring, or cuff. What pull does, why it isn’t hitting, and where the time limit sits.
Wheel of Consent	The Wheel of Consent is Betty Martin’s model that sorts touch by who does something and who it’s for. What it is, the four roles, and how to use it.
Wheel of pain	A wheel of pain is a spinner with segments that decides which sensation follows. How it works, where the name comes from, and what you agree beforehand.
Whip	Whip is the collective name for impact tools with a handle and one or more tails. Which four main types fall under it, and how they differ.
Whore stigma	Whore stigma is the social judgment attached to sex work, and it touches clients too. Where the term comes from and the harm it does.
WIITWD	WIITWD stands for what it is that we do: a broad umbrella term for the scene, for when BDSM feels too narrow. Origin and use.
Window of tolerance	The window of tolerance is the zone where you can handle tension without flooding or shutting down. What it is and how to widen it.
Window period	The window period is the time after an infection when an STI test still shows nothing. How long it lasts and why just tested doesn’t mean clean.
Wish list	Wish list meaning in sex: a list of what you do want, the counterpart to a limits list. How to make one.
Woman on top	Woman on top is a position where she sits on top of her partner and sets the pace and depth herself. The variants and a stubborn myth about it.
Wooden horse	A wooden horse is a trestle with a sharp top edge you straddle, once a torture device. What it is and why caution matters here.
Workshop	A kink workshop is a class where a technique is explained and practiced right away. What it is, how people learn there, and how it differs from a munch.
Worship	Worship is adoring a body part as a form of surrender. What the word literally means, how common it is, and how it differs from a fetish.
Worship fantasy	A worship fantasy is about being adored instead of used. What’s in it, how common the receiving side is, and why it brings shame.
Wrist cuffs	Wrist cuffs are wide cuffs around the wrists with a D-ring. What they attach to, what lies underneath, and why the wrist should stay straight.

Term	What it means
Yes/no/maybe list	A yes/no/maybe list is named after its answer scale. What the maybe column does and why leaving it out makes the answers worse.
YKINMK	YKINMK stands for your kink is not my kink: respecting a preference you don’t share. Where it comes from, how it’s used, and its full form.
YKINMKBYKIOK	YKINMKBYKIOK stands for your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok: the full spoken form of YKINMK, and what the second half adds.
YMMV	YMMV stands for your mileage may vary: what works for one person may not for another. Where the caveat comes from and how the scene uses it.
Yoni	Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the vulva, vagina, and womb, used in tantra as a sacred word without a clinical or crude charge.
Yoni Massage	A yoni massage is a slow, tantric massage of the vulva and vagina, aimed at relaxation and feeling again, not at climaxing.

Term	What it means
Zapper	A zapper is a small BDSM toy that delivers a short, sharp spark at the push of a button. How it works and where to use it safely.
Zentai	Zentai is a tight suit that covers you head to toe, face included. Where it comes from, how it feels, and why people wear it.
Zipper	A zipper is a row of clothespins on a string pulled off the skin in one motion. How you set it up, and why the pull-off is the hit.