Glossary
Garden party polyamory
For anyone who wants to know the others, but isn't looking for a second circle of friends.
What is garden party polyamory?
Garden party polyamory is a style of ethical non-monogamy in which metamours see each other politely at set moments, like their shared partner’s birthday, and otherwise lead separate lives. It is the middle ground between kitchen table polyamory and parallel polyamory: warm on the day itself, no friendship beyond it.
| The name | garden party polyamory, after the cordial, occasion-based contact it describes |
| Category | a style within ethical non-monogamy |
| Also known as | birthday party polyamory |
| Position | between kitchen table polyamory (lots of contact) and parallel polyamory (no contact) |
| Turns on | how much metamours see each other, not who you are in a relationship with |
| Core idea | cordial at shared moments, separate lives in between |
How this style sits next to the others
Garden party polyamory describes how much your partner’s partners run into each other. At one end sits kitchen table polyamory, described by the encyclopedia as a style where every member of a polycule is so at ease that they literally sit around the kitchen table together. At the other end sits parallel polyamory, where the people involved would rather not meet at all. Garden party places itself in between: according to polyamory writer Minka, the metamours only see each other at key moments and keep a friendly, low-contact relationship the rest of the time.
Why people choose this
The appeal is in the balance. You don’t have to avoid your metamours, and you don’t have to build a second circle of friends you never wanted. If the closeness of kitchen table feels too intimate and the silence of parallel feels too cold, this is the middle road where everyone knows each other and no one feels obliged.
Picking a style solves nothing on its own if the agreement is never spoken out loud. Garden party only works once everyone involved shares the same picture of what “polite on the day” means, because one person reads that as coffee and another reads it as a hug.
Where this fits on my site
I work with women and with couples, and the conversation about who gets to know what is part of that work. If you want to explore what fits you and your partner before you settle on anything, we can talk it through in our own time. Feel free to ask a question first, no strings attached.
Sources
- Polyamory. Wikipedia. Provides the definitions of the two poles garden party sits between: kitchen table polyamory and parallel polyamory.
- Parallel and kitchen table polyamory. Minka Guides. Provides the description of garden party polyamory as metamours who see each other at key moments and keep little contact the rest of the time.
Related terms
Garden party polyamory is a style within ethical non-monogamy, the umbrella term for honest agreements about multiple relationships.
- Ethical non-monogamy. The pillar: the framework in which garden party is one of the possible styles.
- Polyamory. The relationship form with several loving relationships at once, within which these styles exist.
- Metamour. Your partner’s partner, exactly the person you only see at shared events under garden party.
- Compersion. Feeling the pleasure that your partner enjoys someone else, which makes a garden party evening lighter.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about garden party polyamory.
What is garden party polyamory?
Garden party polyamory is a style of polyamory in which metamours see each other politely at set moments, like a shared partner’s birthday, and lead separate lives the rest of the time. It is the middle ground between kitchen table polyamory, where everyone spends a lot of time together, and parallel polyamory, where metamours actively avoid each other.
What is the difference with kitchen table polyamory?
The difference is in how much contact there is between metamours. In kitchen table polyamory everyone involved spends time together regularly, right down to sharing meals. In garden party polyamory that contact stays limited to shared occasions, and the metamours don’t look for friendship beyond them.
Who can you turn to with questions about garden party polyamory?
With Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He works with women and couples and thinks along with you about arrangements that fit the two of you, without judgment. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Want to know more
Still have questions about garden party polyamory?
I'm Victor, a gigolo. I work with women and couples, and the conversation about who knows what is part of it. If you want to explore what fits the two of you, ask your question, no strings attached, and I'll message you back whenever suits you.