Being held, with nothing you have to do
Cuddle Therapy
Sometimes you don't need a date and you don't need sex. Just a few hours lying against someone who stays calm and wants nothing from you.
What is cuddle therapy?
Cuddle therapy is exactly what the word says: you get held. On the couch or on the bed, with your clothes on, for a couple of hours. No sex is involved and nothing has to come of it. The only goal is that you get to lie against someone for a while.
For most women who book this, it isn’t the touch itself that does it. It’s that someone stays. No conversation that has to go somewhere, no performance, no moment where you’re supposed to give something back.
I’m Victor, a psychotherapist for over twenty-five years. You notice that most of all in what I don’t do: I don’t fill the silence.
Why women book this
The most common reason is the simplest one. It has been a long time since anyone held her. That can come from a divorce, from loss, from teenagers at home who no longer cuddle you, or simply because life turned out that way.
Others do want intimacy but not sex, and find that combination hard to come by. On a date, touch quickly becomes a stepping stone to something else. Not here, and that is the whole reason this booking exists.
And there’s a group that wants to feel what being close to someone is like before they dare look any further. That’s a fine starting point. Some women book another cuddle session afterward. Others move on to something with more to it, and that is just as good.
What happens during a session
No set program. But a few things that often come up:
- Spooning. Lying against each other, your back against my chest, or the other way around if you like that better.
- Long embraces. Not the three-second kind. The kind that lasts a few minutes, where you feel your shoulders drop.
- Your head on my shoulder while I run my fingers through your hair.
- Holding hands, nothing more. Don’t underestimate what that does.
If you find it uncomfortable at first, we start side by side on the couch with a cup of tea and the rest follows on its own. Almost everyone finds the first ten minutes strange. After that, not anymore.
Rianne
You were more tender than I had dared to hope, more understanding, more caring, more genuine. I felt so seen, so heard, so held. You are unique and precious.Read Rianne's full reviewShow less
I didn’t know what to expect when I sought contact with you, but what you gave me was more than I could ever have thought up. My date with you was more than just a date. You had contacted me beforehand, which made it feel as if I already knew you when we saw each other, and you me.
You were more tender than I had dared to hope, more understanding, more caring, more genuine. I felt I could tell you anything, ask you anything, want or need anything, and that you were there for me. Lying in your arms while you ran your hand through my hair and softly kissed my head gave me the strength to take on the world again.
I felt so seen, so heard, so held. And even after our meeting you reached out to me again to ask how I was doing. Whatever I thought you could mean to me, you gave me so much more.
I don’t believe there’s anyone else like you. You are unique and precious.
Linda
I felt enormously at ease with him. The date itself (was my first meeting) flew by. Victor is wonderful to cuddle with.Read Linda's full reviewShow less
Victor is a sweet, reliable man who has no hidden agenda and keeps to his agreements. I felt enormously at ease with him. On top of that, the personal contact via WhatsApp beforehand is also really nice, so that (especially for a first meeting) you’re not immediately facing a complete stranger. After the date there’s room to WhatsApp too. The date itself (was my first meeting) flew by. Victor is wonderful to cuddle with.
The agreements
This is the part that this service is really about, so I’m short and clear about it.
Clothes stay on. Both of us.
It does not become sexual. Not even if it gets cozy, not even if halfway through you think you might want it. If you want to go that way, you book something else another time. Within this agreement it doesn’t happen, and that is exactly what lets you let go.
You steer. You say where you do and don’t want to be touched, and you can change that at any moment. “Not right now” is a complete sentence.
It stays private. Not with friends, not as an anonymous story.
What it does to your body
When you get held for a longer stretch, oxytocin is released and your cortisol drops. Your blood pressure comes down with it, your serotonin goes up. You breathe lower. And a lot of women sleep better that night than they have in weeks. How that works exactly, and why your skin can crave it so much, I wrote out on the page about touch and skin hunger.
Something else surprises me. With women who have had nothing for months, something often comes up during a session that they weren’t counting on. Tears sometimes. That’s fine and nothing has to be done about it. I just keep lying there.
What it does beyond the session
The effect doesn’t stay stuck in those two hours. Women who do this a few times often notice that in ordinary life they come closer to people more easily. A hand on a colleague’s shoulder. A goodbye hug that suddenly no longer lasts two beats too long.
There’s also something of practice in it, which I never say anything about beforehand. Here you say out loud what you do and don’t want, and you notice that nothing bad comes of it. That’s exactly the part that later trips people up in relationships.
Who is this for?
For anyone who misses touch and doesn’t want a date with it. You don’t need a story, no grief, no reason. “I just want to be held for once” is enough, and it’s the line I read most often.
Not sure whether this or something else fits you? With intimate togetherness more is allowed, and with a coffee date a good deal less.
Practical
A session lasts at least two hours, because anything shorter has no point. It happens at your place or in a hotel room, wherever you feel at ease. What it costs is on the pricing page, and I charge no surcharge for travel time within the Netherlands.
Want to know how it works first without committing to anything? Read what I wrote about professional cuddling.
Want to try it once?
Send me a message on WhatsApp and tell me what you’re looking for. Even if that’s only “I don’t really know, I just miss it.” We can start with that just fine.
Isn't cuddling with a stranger really awkward?
A little at first, yes, and that’s normal. Almost everyone finds the first ten minutes strange. After that it settles, often faster than you’d think.
That’s also why we don’t have to be against each other right away. If it feels nerve-racking, we start side by side on the couch with a cup of tea, and the rest follows on its own. There’s no pace you have to hit.
That I’m a psychotherapist you notice most in what I don’t do: I don’t fill the silence and I don’t push anywhere. You decide when and how close.
Do I have to give anything back or perform?
No. This is exactly the booking where you get to give nothing back for once. No conversation that has to go somewhere, and no moment where it’s your turn.
For most women who book this, that’s the whole point. Not the touch itself, but that someone stays without anything having to come in return.
You lie there, I hold you, and nothing else is needed. That’s not half an offer. That’s the whole offer.
Do I need a reason or a story to book this?
No. You don’t need grief, no divorce behind you, no reason you can explain. “I just want to be held for once” is enough, and it’s the line I read most often.
Missing touch is nothing to justify yourself for. It happens to women after a divorce or a loss, but just as easily because life simply turned out this way.
If you come in without a story, that’s fine. We just start.
What if you get aroused during the cuddling?
Honest answer: a body can react, and that can’t always be steered. But it means nothing and nothing is done with it. This booking does not become sexual, and that’s not a promise that depends on your signals or mine.
The clothes stay on, both of us, and the line is set before we start. Even if it gets cozy, even if halfway through you’d think you want more, within this agreement it doesn’t go that way. That is exactly what lets you let go.
If you do want to go that way, you book something else another time. With intimate togetherness more is allowed.
What if I fall asleep?
Then you fall asleep, and that’s completely fine. It happens more often than you’d think. When you’re held calmly for a longer stretch, your heartbeat and your breathing slow down, and sometimes your body just drifts off.
I don’t wake you to carry on with something, because there’s nothing to carry on with. I just keep lying there until you’re ready.
A lot of women say afterward that they hadn’t rested that deeply in weeks. If that happens during our two hours, the booking did exactly what it’s meant for.
Does it matter what my body looks like, or how old I am?
No. This isn’t about how you look and not about your age. I hold you, and no judgment comes into it. You don’t have to hide anything or try hard anywhere.
The very idea that your body should first meet some standard is something a lot of women bring along and feel fall away during a session. Being held asks nothing of your body.
Come as you are. Nothing more is needed.
What do I wear?
Something you feel comfortable in and can lie in easily. Soft, ordinary clothes, the simpler the better. You don’t have to dress up or pick anything out.
The clothes stay on, both of us, the whole time. That’s one of the fixed agreements, so it’s nothing you have to worry about for a moment.
If you come straight from work or straight from home, both are fine. It’s about rest, not about a look.
Is this the same as a massage?
No. With a massage you lie there and someone does something to your body, with a beginning and an end. Cuddle therapy is mutual and has no technique: we lie together, you against me, and nothing is “done” to you.
Erotic it certainly is not. No oil is involved and no sexual intent. The only goal is that you get to lie against someone for a while, with your clothes on.
If you’re mainly curious what touch from another person does, read what I wrote about touch and skin hunger.