Safety checklist

This safety checklist walks you through booking a gigolo safely, stage by stage, from the first time you look around to the day after the date. Each stage lists the red flags to take seriously and the green flags that reassure. Take the stage you are in right now.

How to use this list

The list follows along with whatever you are doing: first looking around, then making contact, then setting terms, and on to the day after. Take the stage you are in right now. You can also just print the list out, which gives you room to add your own notes: a name, an amount, something he said that you want to come back to.

Each stage has two little blocks. Red flags are signals to take seriously; one red flag means dig deeper, two usually means just don’t. Green flags are the things you rarely see from someone who makes a mess of this, so you can use them as reassurance. At the end of each stage, one line tells you how it works with me, so you have something to hold me to.

And one thing up front: most dates go perfectly fine. This list does not exist because this is dangerous, but because almost everything that goes wrong can be prevented with good planning. Things nearly always go wrong before the date, and that is exactly the part you have control over.

1. Before you make contact

This is the stage where you have not done anything yet, so you can call the whole thing off without anyone noticing. Most of the work is here.

• 1. Are the rates on the site? If there is no amount anywhere, the money conversation only comes up once you have almost booked, and that is exactly the moment when saying no is hardest.

• 2. How high is the hourly rate? Below two hundred euros an hour, nobody can keep a professional practice running: travel time, a conversation beforehand, preparation, and aftercare all have to come out of it. Cheap turns out expensive.

• 3. Are the extra costs listed too? Travel costs, surcharges, the extra price for a longer evening. Whatever is not stated now is what you get billed for later out of nowhere, and that can spoil the evening.

• 4. Is there a phone number, or only a form? Without a number you cannot call before you commit to anything, and that is precisely the most important check you have.

• 5. Has he been around a while? A site with years of material, the same number, reviews that are not all from last month. This is not about registers or licenses, but about whether he is serious.

• 6. Do the photos meant to show him check out? Drag a portrait into Google Images or TinEye. Mood shots and illustrations come from a stock site on almost every website, so a stock hit there means nothing. What matters are the photos he presents as himself: if those turn up as a stock model or under a different name, you are done. Watch out for portraits that are clearly years old, too.

• 7. Read the reviews for their shape, not their score. Fake reviews are all the same length, equally positive, equally vague. Real experiences are uneven in tone and dare to say something that is not flattering. Look at where they are posted, too.

• 8. Is there anything about what he does not do? Someone who takes this work seriously has things that are not for him and simply writes that down.

• 9. Is aftercare mentioned? On most sites that word never appears, even though the reaction to an intense evening often only hits once you are alone again.

• 10. Does he work directly or through an agency? With an agency there is always someone between you and the person who shows up. That can work perfectly well, but it does change what you need to ask in the next stage.

Red flags: no prices, no phone number, a portrait photo that shows up as a stock model or under a different name, reviews only on his own site and all from the same week, “anything goes,” discounts and scarcity (“one spot left this month”).

Green flags: full rates including travel costs, a phone number, a site that has been around for years, clearly stated boundaries of his own, aftercare as a standard part rather than an add-on.

With me: all rates and travel costs are on the pricing page, and Compare also spells out where I am not the best choice.

2. The first contact

Here you learn more in ten minutes than a whole website can tell you.

• 11. Are you chatting or talking with him, or with a middleman? If everything runs through a form, a scheduler, or a front desk, then your wishes and boundaries end up passed along rather than discussed with the gigolo himself, and there is a risk in that.

• 12. Does he ask more about your boundaries, or about your wish list? Someone who digs into what you do not want knows what he is doing. That may well be the best signal there is.

• 13. Can you call or video call before you commit? A ten-minute conversation reveals whether someone is in a hurry, and a video call shows you right away what he looks like now.

• 14. How does he handle pace? Someone who rushes you is a problem, but so is someone who goes quiet for days and mixes up appointments.

• 15. Does he say no to anything himself? Someone with no boundaries of his own is not going to recognize yours later either.

• 16. Say no to something yourself and watch what he does. If he asks for a photo, your name, or another detail, feel free to say no once, even if you would actually have been fine giving it. “I would rather not get into that yet” or “a photo feels too early” is enough. If he keeps pushing or tries to talk you around, he will do the same with a real boundary later. If he lets it go right away, or says he actually likes that you set a boundary, you know how he handles a no.

• 17. Ask four questions about your data. How do we communicate? Do you keep anything, and for how long? How does payment work and what shows up on my statement? And what do you do if something goes wrong? Someone who has thought this through answers briefly and concretely.

• 18. Watch what he asks of you. A copy of your ID “for verification,” your full name and address before anything is settled, your Instagram. None of that is needed to arrange an evening. You can meet completely anonymously at an outside location under a fake name if you want. No verification of any kind is needed for a wonderful time.

• 19. Can you get to know each other without booking something intimate right away? A phone call or a coffee date with no obligation.

Red flags: you only speak to him on the night itself; there is a third party who handles the money or reads along; he refuses to call; he gets curt the moment you name a boundary; he asks for your ID, your real name, or your address.

Green flags: he asks questions himself, talks about his own boundaries, gives you time, thinks it is normal that you want to call first, and takes a no without pushing.

With me: you deal with me from the very first text, and a get-to-know-you conversation beforehand costs you nothing. Here is how the conversation beforehand works.

3. Setting the terms

Everything you settle now is something you will not have to settle at a moment when you would rather be doing something else.

• 20. Ask for the total amount. Including travel costs, surcharges, and any extras, in one figure.

• 21. What about a deposit? Paying upfront to someone you have never spoken to is by far the most common form of fraud. A portion upfront can be normal for larger bookings, but only after you have spoken to him.

• 22. Is there a cancellation policy, and is it written down somewhere? If it only exists verbally, it does not exist.

• 23. Who is coming, and is that guaranteed? With an agency, ask that explicitly, and get it confirmed in the message where the date is set.

• 24. How long does it last, and when is it over? Agreeing on an end time is not unfriendly, it actually makes the evening calmer.

• 25. Who books the location? A hotel room should be in your name. An independent worker is not allowed to reserve it for you: the moment he arranges the room it becomes his workplace, and that raises a licensing question. If he meets at his own place, read private reception at a gigolo’s place first.

• 26. How do you pay, and what shows up on your statement? Cash leaves nothing behind. By bank transfer you want to know which description you will see, especially if you have a shared account.

• 27. Put your wishes and boundaries on paper. Not because it has to be formal, but because then you know for sure it has been read. With me that goes through the consent form.

• 28. Agree on a safeword or the traffic light. Green is keep going, orange is softer or a short pause, red stops everything. No explanation needed.

• 29. Ask what happens if you stop halfway. Practically and financially. The answer tells you more about him than ten lines of text on his site.

• 30. Ask about condoms. With a professional, condom use is not up for negotiation.

Red flags: a deposit before you have spoken to him, a second request for money because “something went wrong,” no clear total amount, he wants to book the hotel, negotiating about protection, or saying it can be done without.

Green flags: one message that lays out amount, duration, location, and boundaries; a cancellation policy that is simply on the site; stopping that is arranged in advance.

With me: the amounts and the cancellation policy are on Pricing and in the terms and conditions, and you can always stop.

4. Preparation

The days beforehand. All together this takes you fifteen minutes and it removes most of the risk that is left.

• 31. Video call if you have never seen him. Five minutes is enough.

• 32. Share the name, address, and time with someone you trust. A friend, a sister. Someone who knows where you are.

• 33. Set a check-in moment. For example: if I have not messaged by eleven, call me. A fixed moment works better than “I will let you know.”

• 34. Plan the safety call. Having contact with someone during the date can happen right there in the same room. You do not need to slip off to the bathroom for it. For me, that is simply part of taking good care of yourself.

• 35. Arrange your own transport, there and back. No pickup service, no taxi that he calls. Park so you can drive off without maneuvering.

• 36. Make sure your phone is charged. A power bank in your bag costs nothing.

• 37. Bring your own condoms. Even if he says he has them.

• 38. Drink little or nothing. Staying alert is the whole point here.

• 39. Leave valuables at home. And your ID does not stay behind in a coat pocket in a hallway.

• 40. Meeting at your place? Then look at the practical side: housemates, children, neighbors, and when it is over. There is more on that at Preparation.

Red flags: he is bothered that you are telling someone, he insists on picking you up, or he only wants to give the address on the day itself.

Green flags: he asks himself whether you have arranged a safety call, and he sends the arrangements again without you asking.

With me: a safety call is standard and I see it as sense, not distrust.

5. On arrival

The first two minutes. This is the moment when you do not have to explain anything yet.

• 41. Does it match what was agreed? The place, the man, the mood. If it does not match, you do not have to go in.

• 42. Ask who else is in the house. At his place that is an ordinary question, and the answer matters less than his reaction to it.

• 43. Ask about cameras. Just directly, even if it feels strange.

• 44. Check that you can get out freely. Whether the door opens from the inside and whether you can get past it without passing anyone.

• 45. Keep your phone, keys, and bag with you. Not in another room, not in a hallway.

• 46. Say out loud when it is over. Then nobody has to negotiate about it later.

• 47. Your first impression is allowed to be decisive. You can turn around and leave, without explanation and without a conversation. That is not rudeness but a valid outcome of this stage.

Red flags: someone else in the house who was not mentioned, a door that locks, he wants to put your phone or your coat somewhere else, or he starts right away about more time and more money.

Green flags: he lets you come in without rushing, points out where everything is, and asks whether you arrived okay.

With me: I come to you, or to a hotel you booked yourself. On your own ground, all of the above takes care of itself.

6. During the date

• 48. Test it once more at the start. In the first few minutes, say no to something, precisely when everything feels good. If he wants to kiss you, “no, I am not ready for that yet” is exactly such a moment. His reaction to it tells you more than the whole evening before. If he listens right away, you know enough. If he pushes, you can still leave easily now, and that is why you do it now and not later.

• 49. You can stop at any moment. Even if you agreed on something beforehand and even if you have already paid. Since 1 July 2024, the Dutch Sexual Offenses Act requires that sex always be voluntary, and continuing when it is clear the other person does not want to is a criminal offense.

• 50. Yes to one thing is not yes to another. An agreement about one act says nothing about the next. And a yes is allowed to become a no later, too.

• 51. Just use the safeword. That is what it is for, and using orange is just as valid as red.

• 52. Doubt is reason enough. You do not have to be able to point to pain or fear to stop.

• 53. Protection goes as agreed. Anyone who brings it up again in the moment is not to be trusted.

• 54. No filming or photographing. Not by him, and do not let yourself be talked into recording anything either. If you would like to be filmed, let him use your device, so you know everything stays your property.

• 55. Do your check-in anyway. Even when everything is going well. Especially then.

• 56. If he turns threatening, do not negotiate. Your safety is not up for discussion. Leave as soon as it is safe to.

Red flags: he talks over a boundary, he comes back with “but we agreed on this,” he gets irritated at a pause, or he asks you to put your phone away.

Green flags: he checks in on how you are doing along the way, he stops without a discussion when you say so, and he sticks to the end time without you having to remind him.

With me: you can stop without explanation, halfway through too, and then I only charge for the costs already incurred.

7. After the date

• 57. Check in with your contact person. One message that you are home safe.

• 58. Check that your belongings are all there before you drive off.

• 59. Account for the days afterward. An intense evening can still hit you a day or two later. That is normal, and it is exactly what aftercare is for. There is more on that at Aftercare.

• 60. If something went wrong with protection, get tested. At the GGD (the municipal health service) or your GP, and not three months from now.

• 61. Ask whether your data has been deleted. Messages, photos, everything you shared.

If something did happen

If it does not feel right during the date, you stop. One word is enough and you do not have to explain anything.

If something happened that is weighing on you, you can turn to the Centrum Seksueel Geweld (the Dutch Center for Sexual Violence) at 0800-0188, free and reachable day and night, even if you are not sure it is “bad enough.” Keep the messages and whatever else you have: the ad, the address, the time. You do not have to know yet what you are going to do with it.

If you suspect coercion or exploitation involving someone else, Meld Misdaad Anoniem (the anonymous crime report line) is there at 0800-7000.

Further reading

Want the background behind these points, it is in spotting a trustworthy gigolo and avoiding scams. Unsure whether booking a gigolo is safe at all, that question is answered here.

And if you are unsure about anything, just ask the question. The answer tells you right away who you are dealing with. The quickest way is a message on WhatsApp, or an email if you would rather type first.