Glossary
Green flag
Not what to avoid, but what you can go by.
What is a green flag?
A green flag (Dutch: groene vlag) is a positive signal that someone deals with a relationship or a meeting in a healthy, respectful way: a calm pace, clear agreements, references that check out. It is the opposite of a red flag. Where a red flag says watch out, a green flag says you can go on with peace of mind.
| Dutch term | groene vlag, against red flag |
| Category | a relationship signal, related to attachment style |
| Origin | from motorsport, where the green flag is the signal to start |
| Examples | clear communication, respect for your limits, equality, fighting fair |
| Opposite | the red flag, a sign to watch out |
| Core | a sign that you can go on, not that something is wrong |
What a green flag means
A green flag says this feels safe to go by. The image comes from motorsport, where according to the dictionary the green flag is the start signal. In relationships the meaning has grown into the opposite of a red flag. According to social worker Jennifer Hickson, green flags are positive behaviors and traits that point to healthy interaction: clear communication, respect, equality and fighting fair are part of it.
Why people watch for green flags
The handy thing about green flags is that they give you something to say yes to, instead of only something to walk away from. Someone who watches only for red flags mostly learns distrust. Someone who also recognizes green flags learns what does hold up: a person who takes your limit seriously, who keeps agreements, who is in no hurry.
A green flag is no guarantee, by the way. One good sign does not make someone safe, just as one red flag does not make someone dangerous. It is about the pattern, not the single flag.
Where this fits on my site
A calm pace, clear agreements and references that check out are exactly the things you can watch for with me. If you want to know how I fill that in before you arrange anything, you can ask me anything, no obligation.
Sources
- green flag. Dictionary.com. Supplies the original meaning from motorsport: the green flag as the signal to start, from which the relationship meaning is derived.
Related terms
A green flag ties in with attachment style: people who have learned to attach securely often show a few of their own accord.
- Attachment style. The pillar: how someone attaches, which shows in the green or red flags they display.
- Consent. Someone who takes your agreement seriously is one of the clearest green flags.
- Boundary exploration. Someone who feels things out together without forcing shows a green flag.
- Co-regulation. Someone with whom you calm down instead of getting tense is a green flag for your nervous system.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the green flag.
What is a green flag?
A green flag is a positive signal that someone deals with a relationship or a meeting in a healthy, respectful way, such as a calm pace, clear agreements and references that check out. It is the opposite of a red flag: where that one says watch out, a green flag says you can go on with peace of mind.
What are examples of green flags?
Examples of green flags are clear communication, respect for your limits, equality, fighting fair and keeping agreements without rushing. One green flag is no guarantee: it is about the pattern, not a single sign.
Who can you turn to with questions about the green flag?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of BDSM experience and a background as a psychotherapist. A calm pace, clear agreements and references that check out are exactly the things you can watch for with him. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Still have questions about the green flag?
I'm Victor, a gigolo. A calm pace, clear agreements and references that check out are the things you can watch for with me. If you want to ask something before you arrange anything, you can, with no obligation, and I'll text you back when it suits you.