Gigolo for couples

There is more possible than most couples think, and a threesome is far from always where it ends up. Often it starts smaller: someone there who only watches, or an evening where she gets the attention and he sits beside it.

Other directions: going together to a swingers club with guidance, so you do not walk in as a twosome and get looked at right away. A tantra session together. A scenario you think up beforehand and I carry out. Or an overnight stay where nothing has to happen and there is only time.

What works does not depend on how daring it is but on whether it makes you both a little nervous. That is the only measure I know.

An evening or night with a gigolo along, a gift to the two of you. For an anniversary, a birthday, or simply because a rough year has something to make up for. It is a lot more original than a dinner voucher.

You can also arrange it as a voucher without setting a date yet, so the one who receives it chooses the moment themselves. That works better than a surprise with a fixed evening, because this is not a gift you want to catch someone off guard with.

One condition: both of you have to want it. A gift that is really one person’s wish shows on the evening itself. So talk about it beforehand, even if that costs you the surprise.

Yes, and it happens more often than you think. I work with women on their own as well as with couples, and there is no couple surcharge: booking together costs the same as booking alone.

It goes calmly. Beforehand we discuss your wishes and limits, each named separately, because they rarely line up exactly. During the evening you set the pace; I steer along and watch whether everyone is still really present.

The evening almost always starts with simply sitting and talking, even when you have something clear in mind. That half hour takes more tension out of the air than any agreement on paper. That is not wasted time; that is the run-up.

Yes. Your partner can be there and watch without joining in, or take part after all. You decide that together, beforehand.

Some couples book a gigolo for her while he watches. Others join in together. There is also an in-between form where he starts by watching and slides in later, and that may change along the way as long as you both say so.

Beforehand I want to know what the plan is, not because it is fixed but because watching without an agreement often turns out more awkward than expected. Whoever sits on the couch without a role starts thinking. Whoever has an agreed role, even if it is ‘only watching’, does not.

Yes, and you are certainly not the only ones in it. Only, another weekend in the Ardennes does not break a rut. For that, something has to happen that truly falls outside your pattern, and by definition that feels a little scary.

The test I use is simple. If you have to talk it over beforehand, you are on the right track. If it immediately seems like a fun idea that makes no one nervous, it is probably just a night out.

That conversation beforehand is, by the way, often already half the effect. Many couples say afterward that in the run-up they talked more openly with each other than they had in months.

No, it is not weird, and handled well it does not harm your relationship. Often it actually strengthens it, and that rarely comes from the evening itself: it comes from what you have to say to each other beforehand.

Many couples talk more openly in the run-up than they did in months. About what they miss, what they want, what they are afraid of. That conversation would never have come up without a reason.

Where it goes wrong is when one of the two goes along to please the other. I usually notice that within ten minutes, and then I simply name it, even if that means the evening does not go ahead. Making agreements beforehand keeps jealousy small and trust big.

Partly, yes, and that is exactly why we do not dive straight in. Before anything is in the calendar we write back and forth, and many couples want to call first or grab a coffee with the three of us.

You usually sense enough there. Not whether sparks will fly, but whether it is relaxed, and that second thing matters more: chemistry that is not there you can survive, awkwardness you cannot.

And if it disappoints on the evening itself, we stop. That is no disaster and it does not have to become a complicated conversation. Pushing through because it is booked never produces anything anyone is happy about.

By speaking it out together before the date, and separately from each other. In the introductory conversation you both name what is allowed, what is not, and where the limit lies. Even if that is different for each of you, because that is the rule more than the exception.

I sum it up afterward, so no misunderstanding is left and no one remembers something different on the evening itself. The consent form each of you fills in yourself.

What often gets forgotten: agree on how you stop, too. One word that you both know brings everything to an immediate halt, without explanation and without anything being said about it.

I understand that fear well, and in practice it almost never turns out that way. An evening with me is an experience, not a comparison. I am there for a few hours. You have been there for years, and you will be tomorrow too.

What does happen is that some jealousy comes along, and that is not bad. A little jealousy is part of it and usually means something is at stake that you find important. It only becomes a problem when you tuck it away.

So talk about it beforehand, even if you are ashamed of it. I ask about it myself in the pre-conversation, and with my background as a psychotherapist I usually hear it when someone is reassuring themselves.