Glossary
Taboo
A subject a community silently forbids, and why that is exactly what arouses.
What is a taboo?
Taboo is a subject or behavior a community silently forbids or avoids, because it counts as offensive, dangerous, or embarrassing. Around sexuality much stays taboo, even in a seemingly open society. The striking part: what is forbidden often stirs desire.
| What it is | a subject or behavior that is silently forbidden |
| Origin | the Tongan tapu, “forbidden, sacred” |
| Set by | culture, religion, and the time you live in |
| The paradox | the ban often strengthens the desire |
| Falls under | kink |
Where the word comes from
The word traveled along with an explorer. According to the encyclopedia, a taboo is a group’s ban on, or avoidance of, something that counts as too repugnant, offensive, or sacred. Captain James Cook brought the word into English from Tonga in 1777, where the Tongan tapu meant both “forbidden” and “sacred.” Taboos are universal but differ sharply by culture: what is unspeakable here is perfectly ordinary elsewhere. And almost everywhere, a good part of it turns on sex.
Why sex often stays taboo
Despite all the openness, there is still a lid on it. According to professor Ine Vanwesenbeeck at Studium Generale of Utrecht University, a taboo on sex still holds, and it is often seen as something negative. That taboo is not in laws but in what you do not say aloud: about your desires, about what you were never taught at home and would like to try. That is exactly where the brake sits that keeps many people from asking for what they want.
Why the forbidden is what arouses
This is the heart of why taboo and kink are so intertwined. Writer Michael Ventura observed sharply in Psychology Today (1998) that when a taboo rests on something, it is usually because a good number of people want exactly that. The ban does not shrink the desire; it grows it, and a culture’s taboos form a map of its secret longings. For you, that means the arousal around something “not allowed” is not a strange quirk but a familiar pattern. For the play, it means that crossing a limit, with consent, gives precisely the charge that makes kink so appealing. One thing it is not: crossing a taboo without consent is not kink but a violation. The tension is in the agreement, not in overriding it.
What a taboo is not
“A taboo is a law.” No. A taboo is an unwritten rule. The ban lives in shame and exclusion, in what you do not say aloud, not in the law books.
“Finding something taboo means it is bad.” Not so. Many taboos say more about the culture and the time than about the thing itself. What used to be unspeakable is now ordinary, and the other way around.
How I see it
As a gigolo for women I meet the forbidden almost daily, and usually in a whisper. It is rarely the act that weighs heavily. It is the idea that you are not supposed to want such a thing. The moment that judgment falls away, the desire turns out to be perfectly ordinary and the charge actually pleasant. I do not chase taboos for shock value. I take the judgment away, and then the forbidden gets to be what it is: exciting and agreed on, with no shame afterward.
Further reading
- Sexual curiosity describes the healthy urge to explore the unknown.
- Sexual shame is the brake a taboo leaves behind in your head.
- Taboo on Wikipedia gives the broader cultural and historical background.
Where this fits on this site
I do not sell shock value, but I do work in a way where the forbidden may exist without judgment, by agreement and in trust, with no surprise charge afterward. Curious how such a meeting goes? Have a look at a BDSM date. Talking first is always an option, and it commits you to nothing.
Sources
- Taboo. Wikipedia. Provides that a taboo is a group’s ban on, or avoidance of, something counted as repugnant, offensive, or sacred, that Cook brought the word into English from Tonga in 1777, and that taboos differ by culture and often concern sex.
- Waarom we het niet vaak genoeg over seks kunnen hebben. Studium Generale, Utrecht University, 2022. Provides that a taboo on sex still holds and that it is often seen as something negative.
Related terms
- Kink. Where play with the forbidden, by agreement, belongs.
- Sexual curiosity. The urge a taboo actually provokes.
- Sexual shame. The brake a taboo leaves behind inside.
- Consent. The line that makes the difference between play and violation.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is a taboo?
A taboo is a subject or behavior a community silently forbids or avoids, because it counts as offensive, dangerous, or embarrassing. The word comes from the Tongan tapu, “forbidden, sacred,” which Captain Cook brought into English in 1777. Around sexuality much stays taboo, even in an open society.
Why is the forbidden arousing?
Because a ban often strengthens the desire instead of dousing it. As Michael Ventura wrote in Psychology Today: a taboo usually exists precisely because many people want it. Crossing a limit, with consent, gives the charge that makes kink so appealing. Without consent it is not kink but a violation.
Is a taboo the same as a law?
No. A taboo is an unwritten rule: the ban lives in shame and exclusion and in what you do not say aloud, not in the law books. Finding something taboo does not mean it is bad either. Many taboos say more about the culture and the time than about the thing itself, and they shift over the years.
Who can you turn to with questions about a sexual taboo?
I’m Victor, a gigolo for women, and the forbidden may exist with me without judgment, by agreement and in trust, with no surprise charge. Want to explore something that stays under a lid at home? I’m glad to talk it through, no obligation or over a free chat.
Learn more
Still have questions about taboos?
I'm Victor, a gigolo for women. With me the forbidden may exist without judgment, by agreement and in trust, with no surprise charge. Want to explore something that stays under a lid at home? Send me a line, I'm glad to think it through with you.