Dream, dare, do: from fantasy to an evening with a gigolo

Dream, dare, do with a gigolo means you stop letting a desire you’ve carried for years live only in your head. You name what you dream about, you dare to ask for it out loud once, and you do it with a man who goes through everything with you beforehand. That’s how a fantasy becomes an evening you actually live, at your pace.

By Victor, gigolo in Amsterdam.

What does dream, dare, do mean?

It’s a motto in three steps: knowing what you want, daring past your fear, and then actually doing it. In Dutch it’s droom, durf, doe, and you’ll find it on kitchen tiles and in coaching books, usually about a trip around the world or finally starting that business of your own.

I use it for something closer to home. The desire you don’t tell anyone about. That one line in the notes app on your phone, or the thought that only surfaces when the house goes quiet at half past eleven.

Women who send me a message are usually standing right there. The dream has been around for a long time. The daring and the doing haven’t happened yet.

Why does a fantasy so often stay a dream?

A fantasy usually stays a dream because there always seems to be a reason to wait a little longer. The timing is off, or you’re not sure you really want it.

Underneath that there’s often shame. The idea that what you want is strange, or doesn’t fit a woman your age in your situation. So you keep it to yourself.

And then the practical question: with whom? You don’t tell a date from an app over the second cup of coffee that you’d like to be tied up. Your partner might take it personally. So it stays where it is. Year after year.

Is my fantasy normal?

Chances are your fantasy is far more common than you think. Canadian researchers asked just over 1,500 adults about 55 kinds of sexual fantasies, and only two of them turned out to be truly rare.

Fantasies about surrender and about taking control were common in women and men alike. The researchers added a note of their own: be careful before you call a fantasy “unusual.” What matters is what the fantasy does for you, not what happens in it.

I recognize that. What women confide in me after a few messages, I’ve almost always heard before (and no, I’m not going to list it here). It doesn’t shock me. Mostly I’m curious why it pulls at you so much.

Why do you later regret what you didn’t do more?

In the short run a misstep hurts more, but in the long run what you mostly regret is what you left undone. That, in one sentence, is the work of Cornell psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Medvec.

Their explanation is simple. Something you did that disappointed you can be put in its place: you learned from it, and a few years later you laugh about it. Something you never did stays open, and your picture of how it could have been only gets prettier over the years, because reality never gets the chance to correct it.

Later research by Gilovich and Shai Davidai goes a step further. When people had to name their biggest regret, 76 percent of the time it was about who they had wanted to be. Not about duties they let slide. About dreams they never started.

I can hear you thinking: “So now I have to?” No. Everything can be discussed, nothing is required!! But if that one fantasy keeps coming back for years, waiting is also a choice. Just one where the bill arrives later.

How do I dare to book a gigolo?

You dare to book a gigolo by doing it in small steps, where you can still turn back after each one. Nobody expects you to jump from dream to bedroom in one go.

Write your dream down, without censoring it. Just for yourself. What do you want to feel, and what do you definitely not want? Nobody has to read it.
Send a no-strings message. A question isn’t an appointment. You can ask how I work and what I do and don’t do, and then simply never write back.
Talk it through beforehand, in detail. I ask about your wishes, your limits and your safeword. That conversation isn’t a formality. It’s the foundation of the evening.
Start small if you’re unsure. A coffee date is an hour sitting across from me, somewhere public, with nothing that has to happen afterward. If you’re ready to go further, look at the first time with a gigolo.
Plan the evening and let the rest go. Once everything is agreed, you don’t have to arrange or watch over anything. I take that part.

Still doubting the whole idea? The questions women ask me most are collected under doubts. How to prepare practically is under preparation.

What do you do, and what do I do?

The dream is yours, the safety of the doing is mine. Here’s how that splits up per step.

Step	What you do	What I do
Dream	Name your desire to yourself	Listen without judgment, ask what it’s really about
Dare	Send a first message	Explain how I work, and say honestly what isn’t my thing
Do	Show up on the agreed evening	Guard your limits, follow your pace, stop at your safeword

A dream you share with me, I never make bigger than you meant it. Halfway through, you notice you’d rather talk, or just lie against me? Then that’s what we do. A fantasy is a direction, not a contract.

Which fantasies I work out as a scenario, from a chance encounter to role play, you’ll find under scenarios. Would you rather read first, quietly, how that goes? On make a fantasy come true I describe it step by step.

Why do I understand the daring part so well?

Because it took me years myself. As a boy I was so shy I didn’t dare talk to a girl, and flirting was a language everyone seemed to speak except me.

That shyness cost me quite a few Saturday nights on the couch. Only when I let it go did life get richer. So I know how it feels to want something and not trust your own voice.

That’s why I never rush you. Whoever knocks on my door has often waited for years, and then a few extra days to think it over really make no difference. More about who I am is on my page.

How does it feel after the doing?

Lighter, most women say. Not because everything went exactly like the dream, but because the “what if” finally has an answer.

Sometimes the fantasy turns out even better in real life. Sometimes you notice it was about something else than you thought: being seen, or for once not having to be the one in charge. Both are a win. You now know something about yourself that you could only guess at before.

I also don’t head straight out the door when it’s over. We lie there a while, we talk it through, and the day after you can still send me a message if something comes up. What I hear a lot? That the daring was the heaviest part. The doing turned out surprisingly calm.

Has your dream been on that list for too long? Then just send me a message via booking. You commit to nothing, and you don’t even need a full sentence. One word about what you dream of is enough to start.