For you, if your list has waited long enough
Make your fantasy come true, safely and on your terms
No games and no judgment. Just someone who asks what you want first, and only then does anything.
Sound familiar?
Your list has been waiting for two years
Hi, I’m Victor. Chances are you didn’t end up here by accident.
Thursday night. Three apps, twelve matches, and one conversation that’s already about positions by the second message. You delete it. That same week, an unsolicited nude had already landed in your inbox too. Meanwhile, there’s a list in your notes app that has been growing for two years, full of things you still want to do.
You’re not desperate. You’re just tired of a man deciding what happens, and of having to fight to get your turn. You want a say. Or really: you want to decide.
Maybe you saved up for this for months, the money already set aside, and secretly you’re hoping for something that changes more than one evening.
Maybe this sounds familiar
The second message
He’s already asking which position you like. You’ve known him for nine minutes.
The list in your notes
Things you still want to try. It keeps getting longer, not shorter.
Reviewing a profile with your friends
In the group chat, half joking. Two of them send back a fire emoji.
Days of overthinking your outfit
And what you will and won’t tell him about yourself.
Too early at the bar
A glass of bubbly for the nerves, while you keep an eye on the door.
"Does he say this to everyone?"
He gives you a compliment. You immediately wonder whether he means it.
You're allowed to want what you want
Reading this says nothing strange about you. Being curious about a fantasy, or about a blindfold and some rope, is completely normal. So is hiring a gigolo as a woman to explore it. A touch of the forbidden is even part of it, and I’m not going to talk that away for you. Sometimes a podcast or an article plants the idea. Or you once read Fifty Shades of Grey and thought: that, but for real. Sometimes it’s simply a friend who did it and tells you about it with a smile.
Maybe you mostly want to explore something: a fantasy, a first step into BDSM. Maybe you simply want a man who treats you with respect and dares to be a bit spicy, without games. Both are fine. Worried you won’t be taken seriously, or that you have to get something right? Performing isn’t on the agenda.
By background I’m a psychotherapist, and I’ve been at home in BDSM for over 25 years. For me, consent and safety are part of the craft. I don’t judge, not about anything you tell me.
If nothing changes, your fantasy stays a note on your phone, and apps decide what sex is for you. It can be different: on your terms, with someone who knows what he’s doing. You’re allowed to want what you want.
An evening where you're in charge
Picture this: you walk in, and before anything happens, I ask what you want. And then concretely: what’s on that list, and what gets crossed off tonight?
Maybe it’s a blindfold, and that thrill of not knowing what’s coming. Maybe you want to be tied up, or simply to be really pampered for once, with attention that’s entirely about you. A first step into BDSM, for example on a BDSM date, can be small. Stopping or taking a step back is always possible.
For those who want to go further: a surrender fantasy is possible too, but only within agreements we make together beforehand, with a safeword and your limits on paper. Read more about that under scenarios, where you’ll also find the spontaneous encounter. Anything else that thrills you is under excitement.
What you take home is a higher bar. Afterward, you know what respect in bed feels like. And you take that voice of your own along to every date that follows, and into your next relationship.
Is this really your first time, and is that list there mostly because you never started? Then read first time at your pace. If you mostly want to decide nothing for a while, a break from your roles fits.
Want to ask something about your fantasy first?
Send a message with your question, or with that one item on your list. No form, and no judgment.
Why me
Over 25 years of BDSM experience, plus countless courses. Bondage and shibari? Check. My dominance is calm and natural. Humiliation or yelling has no part in it.
Have you so far preferred to explore BDSM without men involved? I get that, and I know that trust is something I have to earn first. I ask what you want before I do anything. Your hard limits are fixed, and in the days after, you’re welcome to let me know how you’re doing.
I work alone, without an agency. I choose who I meet, and I set my own limits too. That answers a question you might be quietly asking yourself.
How it works
From a message to your fantasy
A message with your question or fantasy
As specific as you like. A short message is enough, with no form full of intimate questions.
A conversation about wishes and hard limits
We go over what you want and what's an absolute no. Then you fill in the consent form.
A drink first
A first meeting at a bar or a hotel lobby. If it doesn't feel right, you simply back out.
BDSM in steps
It can start small, and some women wait one or two dates before going there. Everything can be discussed, nothing is required!!
The evening itself
You keep control of your limits, and within them I take the lead if you want me to. Either of us can stop at any time.
Aftercare
After an intense evening I stay with you. In the days after, you're welcome to let me know how it's going.
Discreet, even if your friends know
Your first name is enough
That’s as much as I need.
Nothing saved
Nothing we write is kept, and I have no list of names.
A friend can check in
Tell a friend where you’ll be, if you like. She can check in during the date to see that everything’s okay.
No texts from me
I never knock uninvited. There’s only a next time if you want one.
Nothing recognizable online
A photo where you’d recognize me doesn’t exist online. Beyond our arrangement, I don’t know you.
Nothing that stands out on your statement
Cash is fine. If it goes through the bank, it says coaching.
"Yes, but..."
- “Is it safe?” We discuss your limits beforehand and put them on paper. A friend can check in during the date to see that everything’s okay.
- “Will I be judged for what I want?” No. Everything can be discussed, and after 25 years, very little surprises me.
- “Isn’t it sad that I have to pay for respect?” With me, respect is the baseline, not the product. What you pay for is my time and my skill.
- “Is he only doing it for the money?” I work without an agency and choose who I meet. I set my own schedule and limits too.
- “BDSM with a man I don’t know?” First we talk, then you fill out the consent form. Your hard limits are fixed, and after a BDSM date the aftercare continues for up to a week.
- “Does this make me someone who pays for sex?” Money buys time and attention, not a yes. We discuss limits beforehand, and either of us can stop at any time.
- “Will he even find me attractive?” I decide who I see, and looks play no part in that. If it isn’t a fit, I’ll tell you beforehand.
Women who took the step
I really liked how you took the time to settle in, you could also sense really well when I was stressed and such, especially at the beginning. With respect you let me find my own boundaries. You also respected my hard limits without any problem. For me it was a new adventure that I enjoyed and I'm glad I got to discover it.
Coming home to yourself, so skeptical but it turned out to be so true. My first steps on the path of BDSM, so very much searching. The emphasis on confidentiality, privacy and respect for boundaries was also really striking, so that nothing was left undiscussed. Victor already knows what you want and senses it before you do yourself.
Victor, I really want to thank you so incredibly much for the ultimate of this evening. A new world opened up for me after all; I didn't know this one yet. All kinds of new delicious things. Truly, thank you so much. Sweet, gentle, respect and sometimes a nice bit kinky, that's something I like.
Time for that list
Send me a message with your question or fantasy. Then we’ll figure out together what fits, at your pace. No one else lays eyes on what you send.
Already have a day in your calendar? Share it with me.
Frequently asked questions
What curious women often ask me
Do you actually find me attractive?
I only say yes when we click in those first conversations, and how you look plays no part in that. If we don’t click, you’ll hear it beforehand.
What if the time runs over?
Then we talk about it at that moment. I don’t watch the clock all evening, and we agree beforehand on how to handle it if you want to stay longer.
Can I also learn to be dominant?
Yes, I can teach you that. I’m not submissive myself, so practicing on me isn’t an option. What I can do is show you how to build a scene and hold the tension, so you can be dominant with your own partner. Want to really try it out? Then bring your own partner along to practice with, or I’ll arrange a man for you who enjoys submitting.
Can I stop halfway through?
Always. With your safeword or simply with a no, and you don’t have to explain anything. Afterward I stay with you.
Who pays for the drinks?
You do. So you know that beforehand, and it never turns into an awkward moment at the bar. If you choose an arrangement, everything is already included, from the hotel to dinner.
Do you say this to every woman, and what if I fall in love?
No. I choose who I meet, and I don’t put on an act. What I say, I mean. If you notice afterward that you’re falling in love, just say so: I stay honest about what this is, so you never have to guess.