For you, if it was never the right moment
Your first time, at your pace and with nothing required
Someone patient, who asks at every step whether it's okay. You decide how far you go.
Sound familiar?
Everyone else seems to know already
Hi, I’m Victor. I’m glad you’re here. I know that just opening this page is a step.
When your friends talk about sex, you laugh along. You have nothing to add. Maybe you’re still a virgin, because school, work, your faith, or life kept getting in the way. Maybe you’ve had sex, sometimes for years, but never felt anything. And maybe something once happened that kept the door shut for a long time.
A drunk guy from a bar is not what you want. Nor a first time that has to be the start of a relationship right away. Meanwhile it can feel like a weight you’ve been carrying around for years.
There’s plenty of desire. What holds you back is a question you don’t dare to ask out loud: is something wrong with me?
Maybe this sounds familiar
Laughing along
Your friends talk about their weekend. You laugh a little too loudly.
A tab that's been open for weeks
A page about the first time. You read the part about how it goes, for the third time.
A draft message
Rewritten three times, and still not sent.
The second message on an app
He’s already asking what you like in bed. You close the app and feel even further away.
Three outfits on the bed
For one date. Because undressing is the scariest part, you’re even thinking about asking for a blindfold.
A gift to yourself
On your birthday you decide: I’m not waiting any longer for it to just happen.
You're not too late
Let me start with what I most want to say right away: there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s no age at which it’s too late, and everyone is ready for a first time at a different moment. At forty or fifty, this isn’t a strange story either.
Maybe you read a magazine story about a woman going through exactly the same thing. Or a colleague mentioned something, very casually. Sometimes it’s that film with Emma Thompson, about a woman who only got to it around sixty. And sometimes, after a course of treatment, you simply feel: now I’m ready.
You don’t have to prove anything. Having an orgasm isn’t a goal or a test. A first time can also simply mean feeling, for the first time, that touch can be safe.
I work as a psychotherapist. Your story won’t shock me, and I don’t need to fix it. But this isn’t therapy, and it isn’t treatment either.
If nothing changes, the threshold gets higher every year and the conversation gets quieter. It stays something other people have. But you’re not too late. You’re on your own time, and you get to choose it. And you’re allowed, finally, to want it to feel good.
Step by step, with nothing required
Picture this: a quiet room, something to drink, and first just talking. About what feels exciting, and about what you want. Maybe that evening it’s only a massage, building up slowly. Or just being held, the way it is on a cuddle date. At every touch I ask whether it’s okay.
Your clothes can stay on for as long as you like. If you want me to take the lead, I will, within the frame you set. If you’d rather steer everything yourself, that’s just as good. A first time can also stretch over several dates, one small step further each time. If that starts to feel like dating, it comes close to a boyfriend experience.
Do you have a bad experience behind you? Then we go even slower, and you’re fully in charge. And if until now you’ve mostly been with women but you’re curious about a man, you’re welcome too.
What you take home is the feeling that, for the first time, it was safe, and an experience you carry with you for the rest of your life. Sometimes you become gentler with yourself afterward, and listen better to what you feel. After a few dates you often notice you’re calmer, and more sure of yourself. There are women who then simply dare to date, and are suddenly ready for a relationship. You can read more about your first time on my service page.
Does it feel like a first time because your marriage ended and nothing happened for years? Then gigolo after divorce follows on from here.
Ask something first, without having to decide anything?
You can describe your situation in one sentence. You’ll get a calm answer, and then you decide whether you want to go further. Want to see exactly how a date goes first? You’ll find it in my step-by-step guide.
Why me
I’m in my early fifties, calm, and patient. Not someone your own age who compares, and I don’t do quickies.
I ask for consent at every step, and we work with a consent form. That way it’s in black and white what’s okay and what isn’t, and I stick to it.
I choose who I meet. That’s why your first message gets an honest reply, not a sales pitch.
How it works
What a first date looks like
A message, and a calm reply
One sentence about your situation is enough. You'll get a warm reply, without any rush. If a friend makes the first contact for you, that's fine too. After that I always talk with you directly.
Getting acquainted without sex
A cup of coffee, a walk, or a two-hour Basic date. You see whether it clicks, and nothing is required.
Your limits on paper
We go over what you want and what you don't, and you fill in the consent form. Everything can be discussed, nothing is required!!
The date itself
Time, a drink, talking, and a massage that can build up slowly. At every touch I ask whether it's okay.
You can always stop or go back
If it goes too fast, we stop, or we go back to something lighter. There's always a way back.
Aftercare
Afterward I hold you. And in the days after, you're welcome to let me know how you're doing.
Nobody needs to know it was your first time
Your first name is enough
I don’t need any more than that.
Nothing saved
What we write doesn’t stay, and I don’t keep a file on anyone.
No texts from me
I’m the one who waits for you to write. You decide whether there’s a next time.
A hotel in another city
Rather not meet in your own city? Then we choose a place further away.
A friend can check in
Let a friend know where you are, if you want. She can check in during the date to see that everything’s okay.
Nothing that stands out on your statement
Cash is fine. On a bank transfer it shows up as coaching.
"Yes, but..."
- “Am I too old, or too strange?” No. Too late doesn’t exist here, and you’re not strange either. Everyone has her own moment.
- “What if I can’t go through with it?” Then we stop, or we go back to something lighter. There’s always a way back.
- “What if I don’t come?” That isn’t a goal or a test. Nothing is required.
- “Does it have to be sex right away?” No. First we talk, have something to drink, maybe a massage. It can stretch over several dates.
- “I’m ashamed of my body.” Your clothes can stay on as long as you like, and I ask at every step whether it’s okay.
- “Is this therapy?” No. You’ll notice my background in how calm I am and how I listen, but a date isn’t treatment. If something heavy is going on, this comes alongside your own help, not instead of it.
- “What if I get attached?” That feeling can come, and it’s allowed. The terms stay clear, and so does the aftercare.
Women who were nervous at first too
I quickly felt at ease with Victor. He also really understood me, I could tell. First we talked quite a lot. Slowly but surely we went a step further, nothing rushed but in consultation. He really gave me the time. In other words, I thought it was GREAT and definitely worth repeating !
My experience with Victor was fantastic! I was incredibly nervous the first time, and it was so wonderful to notice that he picked up on that and gave me the space and time to settle in calmly. After that he took control, but in such a lovely way that I only wanted more of it.
From the first impression I had of him, I knew I could trust him. Everything went completely at my own pace. He is kind and tender, with exactly the right amount of strictness and steadiness. I can highly recommend to anyone who has been through sexual trauma and is learning to feel touch again to discover this with Victor.
On your own time
Send me a message when you’re ready. One sentence is enough, and you’ll get a calm reply. That message is read by me and no one else.
If a date is already in your head, write it down for me.
Frequently asked questions
What women ask me before their first time
Is it strange that at my age I've never...?
No. Even at forty or fifty, a first time is completely normal, and so is choosing a gigolo for your first time. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you don’t even have to say it out loud if that’s hard.
What if I can't go through with it?
Then we stop, or we go back to something lighter, like a massage or simply being held. You don’t have to explain anything.
What if I don't come?
Then that’s how it is. Having an orgasm isn’t a goal or a test. It’s about feeling and discovering what you enjoy.
Can my clothes stay on?
Yes, for as long as you like. I ask at every step whether it’s okay, and undressing only happens when you choose to. You don’t need to send a photo of yourself beforehand either.
Can you take the lead?
Yes, if you want me to. You set the frame beforehand, and within it I take the lead. If you’d rather steer yourself, that works just as well.
Is this therapy?
No. I’m a psychotherapist by background, but a date with me isn’t treatment. If there’s a bad experience in the picture, this comes alongside your own help, not instead of it.
What if I long for you afterward?
That can happen, and it’s allowed. I stay honest about what this is, and in the days after, you’re welcome to let me know how you’re doing.