For you, after your divorce
After your divorce, it gets to be about you again
An evening without games, where you set the pace and I mostly listen.
Sound familiar?
For years, you were the one who kept the evening going
Hi, I’m Victor. And if you’re reading this, I probably know a bit of your story already.
A few years ago your marriage ended. You’ve made it through the hardest part: you have the kids every other week, and your job just keeps going. Still, something’s missing. It’s hard to put a name to it.
On a date you’re still keeping an eye on him. Is he laughing at your joke, is the conversation flowing? For the umpteenth time you explain why it didn’t work with your ex, as if you’re at a job interview. And in the cab home, at a quarter past eleven, you wonder whether you’re still attractive. Or whether that chapter is simply closed.
Maybe he cheated, and your self-image never fully recovered. Or you notice men your own age looking straight through you, as if you turned invisible after a certain birthday. And that one date where you kept glancing over your shoulder on the way home is still with you too. You tell almost nobody about any of this, even now that you’re single. Before you know it, there’s a label stuck on you.
Maybe this sounds familiar
The quiet weekend
The kids are at their dad’s. Saturday morning, and the house is so quiet you can hear the fridge hum.
The app, again
Install, three chats, delete. A week later it’s right back on your phone.
A screenshot to your best friend
“Is this a red flag?” Right now you don’t quite dare to trust your own judgment.
Lingerie that stayed in the drawer
Bought once for a man who had long stopped looking. The tag is still on it.
Waiting for a text back
After an ordinary date. Two blue checkmarks, no reply, and you feeling small because of it.
Shaking hands
While typing a first message. Maybe even right now, honestly?
Reading this says nothing bad about you
First this: that takes nerve. A woman looking for a gigolo never fit the picture you had of yourself. It isn’t a shortcoming. You’re looking at what you need, instead of waiting for someone to bring it by accident.
Is hiring a gigolo actually normal? I hear that question a lot. Maybe a friend gave you the idea, or you watched Good Luck to You, Leo Grande and kept thinking about it for days. Some women carry a magazine article around in their bag for weeks before they do anything. And somewhere a small voice is saying: now it’s my turn. Go ahead and listen to it.
I can hear you thinking: a woman shouldn’t have to pay for attention, right? True. You can get it for free. It’s just that free attention almost always comes with an expectation attached, and by now you know that one well. With me you don’t owe anything in return, and you don’t have to explain yourself either. Don’t want a new relationship at all, just intimacy again? That’s a choice too, and a very grown-up one.
I’m a psychotherapist. I’ve seen what a divorce does to how you see yourself more often than I’d like. A date with me isn’t therapy, but nothing you tell me will shock me. There’s more on that on my page about sex after divorce.
If nothing changes, the last man who touched you stays the man who hadn’t looked at you in years. It doesn’t have to stay that way. You’re allowed to want someone who asks what you enjoy, even if nobody ever did.
An evening that revolves around you
Picture this: a restaurant in another city, a table in the back, and a glass of wine you drink slowly because there’s no hurry. You don’t have to read my signals. Whether it’s going well enough, you can leave that to me. I ask what you want, and then I actually listen to the answer.
Maybe it stays at dinner and a long walk. Maybe you mostly want to be held. Or more, and sooner than you expected, because your desire is suddenly back. You decide, and you’re free to change your mind along the way.
I won’t push a pace that isn’t yours, and there’s no expectation for you to live up to. What you do take home at the end of the evening is the feeling of having been seen. As a woman, and for once not as a mom or an ex.
Sometimes the tears come first, and then the laughter. The next morning you catch yourself smiling while you brush your teeth. You might find that your playful, flirty side never actually left, and that you want a lot more than you thought you did for years. Whatever you learn to say out loud with me, you simply take along into your next relationship. How an evening like that can go, you can read on the dinner date and boyfriend experience pages.
Is this really a first time for you, because nothing happened in your marriage for years? Then read first time at your pace. And if your husband didn’t leave but died, companionship after loss fits you better.
Want to talk it through first?
One message with one question is enough. You’re not committing to anything, and I won’t push.
Why me
I’m in my early fifties. A twenty-five-year-old still figuring out what he thinks about life is probably not what you’re after. (And I don’t pretend to be thirty either, promise.)
My profession mostly shows in how calm I am. You won’t get advice from me. I hear what you say, and often what you hold back too.
No agency sits in between: from your very first message you’re talking to me, and to nobody else. I decide who I see, and plenty of requests get a no. When I say yes, I mean it.
I don’t do quickies. You get the time you need, even if that turns out to be more than you expected.
How it works
From your first message to the evening itself
A message or an email
You send me a message. One question is enough, you're nowhere near booking yet.
Talking about what you want
Over WhatsApp or a quick call. About your wishes, and just as much about your limits.
Meeting without pressure
A cup of coffee or a walk. Or a two-hour Basic date where nothing has to happen except talking.
A proposal, and your yes
I send you a proposal with the day, the time and how long. Only once you say yes is it set. Only have one kid-free evening, or need to be home by eleven for the babysitter? Then that's exactly how we plan it. The whole process is in my step-by-step plan.
The evening itself
The pace is yours. We only go from dinner to more if you want to, and that moment won't get awkward. Everything can be discussed, nothing is required!! You can always stop, no explanation needed.
Aftercare
In the days after, you're welcome to let me know how you're doing. Not out of politeness: I really want to know.
Discreet, with your kids and friends too
Your first name is enough
I don’t need to know more than that. Your last name can stay yours.
Nothing saved
I don’t keep our conversations. I don’t even have a client file.
No texts from me
I never text or call you first. If I run into you at the grocery store, I don’t know you.
Nothing recognizable online
Nowhere online will you find a photo that gives me away. That’s on purpose.
A friend can check in
Feel free to let someone know where you are. She can check in with you during the date, and you won’t have to slip off to the restroom for it.
Nothing that stands out on your statement
Cash is fine. If you’d rather pay by bank transfer, it shows up as coaching.
"Yes, but..."
- “I can’t do this, can I?” You can. The fact that you’re sitting here reading this pretty much proves it.
- “What if he wants more than I do?” Then it doesn’t happen. You set your limits beforehand, and you can shift them anytime. Nothing ever happens that you don’t want.
- “Will he even find me attractive?” I decide who I see, and how you look plays no part in that. If it isn’t a fit, I tell you beforehand. I don’t put on an act.
- “How much of it is real, and how much is service?” The arrangement is business, the attention is real. Because the terms are clear, you never have to guess what I feel.
- “Do I have to undress right away?” Not at all. We eat, we talk. If you’d like a massage, you decide how much clothing comes off.
- “Shouldn’t that money go toward the mortgage?” Maybe. But this is something you give yourself on purpose, not an impulse buy. If you’re unsure, start with a short first meeting without sex.
- “What if someone finds out?” That’s what the six cards above are about. In short: nobody hears a thing from me.
Women who once stood where you are now
My experience with Victor is honestly hard to put into words. I'd say, woman, don't doubt, this man is safe, very safe and not like your standard gigolo. Give it to yourself. Victor is incredibly good at sensing you and putting you at ease with his soft accent, warm eyes and strong arms. Boundaries are sensed and, more importantly, respected.
Then came the day of the appointment. I was slightly nervous. I had never done anything like this before. Sex with a stranger! No way! I got a hug right away and it immediately felt safe. I didn't feel unsafe for a single moment. If I didn't want something, it was stopped right away. I can really recommend this to any woman who's ready for an exciting evening.
Victor is a sweet, reliable man who has no hidden agenda and keeps to his agreements. I felt enormously at ease with him. On top of that, the personal contact via WhatsApp beforehand is also really nice, so that (especially for a first meeting) you're not immediately facing a complete stranger. Victor is wonderful to cuddle with.
It gets to be about you again
No explaining needed. Nothing to live up to either. Maybe the day your divorce is final becomes a gift to yourself. Or a move or a new job has already set everything in motion anyway. Send me a message with your question, and we’ll figure out together what suits you. Only I get to see it.
If you already have a day in mind, feel free to add it.
Frequently asked questions
What women often ask me after their divorce
How soon after my divorce can I book a gigolo?
As soon as it feels right to you. There’s no set waiting period. For one woman that’s six months after the divorce, for another it takes four years. What counts is that you want it for yourself and not to prove something to someone. Still unsure? Then just send me a question first.
What if I can't relax, or I don't come?
Then that’s how it is, and the evening hasn’t failed. There’s no goal you need to reach. We take our time, and if it stays at dinner and a good conversation, that’s fine. When nothing is required, relaxing often happens on its own.
What if you want more than I do?
Then it doesn’t happen. We go over your limits beforehand, and they end up in black and white on the consent form. You can change them anytime, even halfway through the evening. With me, no simply means no, without a sigh after it.
How do we go from dinner to the bedroom without it feeling weird?
It doesn’t have to happen in one step. After dinner we have another drink, or we take a short walk. I ask what you want, and you’re also free to just say you’re heading home. There’s never a moment where it suddenly has to happen.
Do you actually find me attractive?
I only say yes to women I click with in those first conversations. Whether you wear a size 6 or a size 16 honestly doesn’t matter to me, and you don’t need to send a photo beforehand. And if we don’t click, you’ll hear that from me beforehand.
What if I long for you afterward, or fall in love?
That can happen, and it isn’t strange. After years without real attention, a lovely evening does something to you, and sometimes that feels like falling in love. Precisely because you shouldn’t get hurt again, I stay honest about what this is and what it isn’t. In the days after, feel free to let me know how you’re doing.
Do I have to tell a new partner later?
No, that’s up to you. Some women tell him someday, when it feels right, others never do, and both are fine. Either way, nobody hears a thing from me: I don’t keep our messages, and I never reach out on my own. How I handle your details is laid out on my privacy page.