Glossary
Wish list
Not the list of what's off-limits, but of what you're actually looking for, so desire becomes a starting point instead of a riddle.
What is a wish list?
Wish list (in Dutch wensenlijst) is a list of what you do want in sex or play, as the counterpart to a limits list that spells out what’s off-limits. On it you put what you’re curious about or long for. A list like this makes it easier to say what you’re after, without having to invent it on the spot.
| Also called | yes-list |
| Dutch term | wensenlijst, also verlanglijst |
| Category | a tool for the pre-talk, close to consent |
| Not to be confused with | a limits list, which spells out what you don’t want |
| Applies to | anyone preparing a booking or scene, alone or together |
| Key thing to know | it’s a starting point, not a list you have to work through |
How a wish list works
A wish list starts with one question: what makes me curious? You write down what draws you, from small things to bigger fantasies, and you don’t have to explain why. Where a limits list marks out the outer edge, a wish list draws in the inside.
Often it’s the mirror image of the kinklist, where you fill in yes, maybe or no per activity. The wish list takes only the yeses and the maybe-please, and lays them out in a row you dare to share. Some people make it just for themselves, others put two lists side by side and see where they meet.
Why a wish list helps
The appeal is that desire suddenly becomes something to point at instead of something to put into words at the most exciting moment. Saying out loud what you want is the hardest part of sex for many people, and a little list takes the sharp edge off that.
What a wish list doesn’t do is dictate how the evening goes. It’s an offer, not a program, and the freedom to change your mind along the way stays intact. A list that starts to feel like a checklist to tick off works against the very thing it’s meant for.
What I notice
Women who make a wish list often discover that the writing itself already loosens something. I’m Victor, a gigolo, and I find a list like this nicer than a long conversation beforehand, because the nerves usually sit in the talking, not in the knowing. When I read what someone longs for, I can calmly build on that, without her having to say it out loud again.
Where this fits on this site
Want to put down on paper beforehand, at your ease, what you long for, so you don’t have to tell it on the spot? That is exactly how I like to begin. On the page what I do you’ll find how a booking goes, at your pace. Still in doubt? Feel free to ask your question first.
Related terms
- Kinklist. The related list with yes, maybe and no per activity, whose yes side the wish list highlights.
- Yes-no-maybe list. The same idea in a fixed form, with three columns to set out your preferences.
- Boundary. The other half of the story: where a wish list says what you want, a boundary says where it stops.
- Consent. The agreement a wish list feeds, because you know in advance what both sides would like.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about a wish list.
What is a wish list?
A wish list is a list of what you do want in sex or play, as the counterpart to a limits list that spells out what’s off-limits. On it you put what you’re curious about, so you don’t have to put it into words on the spot.
What's the difference from a limits list?
A limits list says what you don’t want, a wish list says what you do want. They complement each other: together they draw the inside and the outside of where you feel comfortable. A wish list is an offer, not a program that has to be worked through.
Who can you ask about a wish list?
Victor, a gigolo. If you find it hard to say what you want but easier to write it down, that works fine with him. Ask him with no obligation through the contact form or first through chat for free.
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Still have questions about a wish list?
I'm Victor, a gigolo. Do you find it hard to say what you want, but easier to write it down? That works fine with me. Ask your question, no obligation, and I'll text you back whenever it suits you.