Cunnilingus

What is cunnilingus?

Cunnilingus (Dutch: beffen) is oral sex on a vulva, in which you stroke the vulva, and above all the clitoris, with tongue and lips. The word is Latin, from cunnus (vulva) and lingere (to lick). It is one of the most common sexual acts, and for many women the most direct route to an orgasm.

What cunnilingus centers on

The clitoris is the focal point. Pauls describes in Clinical Anatomy how the clitoris is the core of the sexual response in women, with a network of nerve endings that reaches far beyond the small visible button. Cunnilingus works so well because a tongue can touch that area more softly and precisely than anything else. It is not the force that counts, but the place and the rhythm.

How people do cunnilingus

There is no fixed technique, and that is exactly the point. One person likes slow, broad strokes, another a steady rhythm on one spot. It often moves from soft and exploratory to tighter and more constant, especially just before an orgasm, when keeping the same thing going matters more than trying something new. The clitoral skin, the time, and the calm decide more than speed.

What almost always helps is asking and listening. A short “like this?” says more than ten tricks.

What I think of it

The biggest misconception I run into is that cunnilingus would be a matter of technique. It is not. It is a matter of attention and patience, of not steering toward an endpoint. Whoever takes the time and pays attention to what comes back almost always does it better than whoever runs through a set trick. And the best thing about it is that you do not have to perform anything; you only have to be present. That attention, without having to do anything, is exactly what an intimate togetherness with me is about.

What you can do yourself

• Say what you like. A small word or a hand that guides works better than hoping the other person guesses.
• Take your time. Rushing is the most common mistake. There is no clock.
• Want it safer? For oral sex there is a barrier method: a dental dam lays a thin layer between mouth and vulva. More on that is at safer sex.

Read more about cunnilingus

The broader category is on the page about sexual acts. The origin of the word is laid out clearly at the Online Etymology Dictionary.

Sources

• Anatomy of the clitoris and the female sexual response. Pauls, Clinical Anatomy 28(3), 2015. Provides that the clitoris is the core of the sexual response in women and is far more extensive than the visible part.
• Cunnilingus. Online Etymology Dictionary. Provides the origin: Latin cunnus (vulva) and lingere (to lick).

Related terms

• Glossary. Cunnilingus is one of the sexual acts; the others are scattered through the same list.
• Sexual acts. The category cunnilingus falls under.
• Oral sex. The broader act, of which cunnilingus is the version on a vulva.
• 69. The position where giving and receiving happen at the same time.
• A-spot. Another sensitive point that plays a role in the play around the vulva.
• Barrier method. The dental dam that makes oral sex safer, with the rest of the protection alongside it.