Glossary
Newbie
Everyone was one once. What the word points to exactly, and why new does not mean lesser.
What is a newbie?
Newbie is an informal loanword for a beginner or newcomer: someone who is just getting involved in something. In the kink and BDSM scene a newbie is someone new to the world of fetish, dominance and submission. The word can sound neutral, encouraging or lightly teasing.
| In Dutch | beginner, nieuweling |
| Category | a newcomer, here in the kink and BDSM scene |
| Origin | English, from new; first recorded around 1969 |
| Known from | the internet and newsgroups, where the word broke through |
| Tone | neutral to lightly teasing, also worn as a badge of pride |
| Core thing to know | a newbie is new, not lesser; everyone starts this way |
Where the word newbie comes from
Newbie is younger than it looks and comes from English. According to the Online Etymology Dictionary, it was first recorded around 1969 in the sense of “newcomer”, formed from new with a diminutive ending, possibly originally as American army slang. It broke through on the internet: the encyclopedia notes an early appearance on a newsgroup in 1988 and describes how the word is used both teasingly and encouragingly. From the internet it moved into all sorts of subcultures, the kink and BDSM scene included, where it simply means “someone who is just starting”.
Why the term matters
The label mostly says something about a phase, not about someone’s worth. For anyone just starting, it can be reassuring to know there is a word for exactly where you stand, and that everyone once stood there. The pitfall of that beginner phase has a name of its own: frenzy, the over-eagerness with which newcomers sometimes want too much too fast. What “newbie” is not meant to be: a stamp that keeps you small. Experienced people sometimes call themselves newbie on purpose, to take the sharp edge off the word.
What I notice about it
Almost everyone who wants to try something kinky for the first time thinks they are the only one who still knows nothing. I’m Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist, and beginners are exactly the ones I like to guide: no assumptions, anything can be asked, and we go as slowly as you want. What I see most is that the nerves are not about the act but about “am I doing it right”. Being new is not a problem to solve, it is simply the start.
Where this fits on my site
If you are new and want to try something without being expected to know it all already, that is exactly what I’m here for. The page what I do shows how I go about it, at your pace and without judgment. If you are unsure where to begin, feel free to ask first.
Sources
- Newbie. Online Etymology Dictionary. Provides the sense “newcomer”, the first record around 1969 and the formation from new with a diminutive ending, possibly from American army slang.
- Newbie. Encyclopedia. Provides the description as an inexperienced user or newcomer, an early appearance on a newsgroup in 1988 and the use as both a teasing and an encouraging label.
Related terms
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about newbies.
Where does the word newbie come from?
Newbie comes from English, formed from new, and was first recorded around 1969 in the sense of “newcomer”. It broke through on the internet and in newsgroups, with an early appearance from 1988. From there it moved into all sorts of subcultures, the kink scene included.
Who can you turn to with questions about kink as a newbie?
Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. Beginners are exactly the ones he likes to guide: no assumptions, anything can be asked, and as slowly as you want. Ask with no obligation through the contact form or chat for free first.
Learn more
New and still full of questions?
I'm Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. I like guiding beginners, without judgment and at your pace. Ask me your question, no obligation, and I'll text you back whenever it suits you.