The power of crawling: surrender on the floor
Crawling in BDSM stands for surrender, trust, and sensual humiliation. Why it moves so many women, and how to explore it safely at your own pace.
Glossary
Collar
The first thing that goes on and the last thing that comes off, and the only piece of gear that closes around a neck.
What is a collar?
A collar is a band worn around the neck that, in BDSM, shows the roles between two people and usually carries a ring to clip something onto. In everyday English a collar is the thing a dog wears or the part that sits on a shirt, and the scene borrows the same word for a band around a person’s neck. What wearing one actually means is a separate question, and that side belongs to collaring. This page is about the object.
| What this page covers | The band itself: the ring, the fastening, the fit. What wearing one signifies is collaring. |
| Also known as | neck band, neck cuff; putting one on is collaring |
| Material | leather, steel, rubber or fabric, from a wide buckled strap to a thin chain |
| What the ring is for | a D-ring that a line, chain or carabiner can clip into |
| Fit | two fingers between the band and the neck |
| What you never do with it | hang it from a fixed point, or pull on it |
How a collar is built
A band, a fastening, and usually a ring. The encyclopedia describes the forms in circulation as practical leather straps, metal chokers and chains, and shows the common model with a D-ring at the front and buckles at the back.
The fastening is where the versions split. An ordinary buckle opens in two seconds. Next to that are bands with a spot for a padlock or a seal, and ones that only open and close with a hex key or a safety screwdriver. Those last ones are meant to stay on for a long time, and the same source counts them as permanent jewelry.
For use within a single evening the buckled strap is the practical answer. It comes off with one hand. It adjusts when someone lies down, and no key gets left behind to go missing.
What to watch for
Two fingers, and nothing attached to it. The ring invites you to clip something on, and that is exactly where the risk sits. A collar on a fixed point is no longer a collar but a hanging point. That is the switch that has gone wrong before, so this is not a detail but the heart of how you handle a collar.
In practice: hang nothing on it that sits higher than the neck itself, and never pull the ring to steer someone somewhere. Keep the key in the same room whenever a lock is involved. If the wearer feels tingling in the lips or the face, or talking gets hard, the band comes off. All the way, not a notch looser. What pressure on a neck actually does to the body is on breath control.
Where this fits on this site
If you want to try what a band around your neck does to you without anything clipped to it right away, that belongs with a BDSM date. That page shows how an evening like that gets arranged.
Sources
- Collars in BDSM. Wikipedia. Supplies the list of versions from practical leather straps to metal chokers and chains, the common model with a D-ring and buckles at the back, the bands with a spot for a padlock or seal, and the versions that call for a hex key or safety screwdriver and are counted as permanent jewelry.
Related terms
- Collaring. Putting one on as a ritual.
- Rose ceremony. The ceremony where this collar passes halfway through a candle flame.
- Collar of consideration. The first, temporary band.
- D-ring. The ring at the front, and why it is the weakest point.
- Breath control. What pressure on a neck really does, and why a collar is not for that.
- Restraints. The gear that does around the wrists what a collar does around the neck.
- Leash. The line that clips onto the D-ring of this collar.
- Line. The same object under its Dutch name, lijn, and why that word means “flaxen rope”.
- Petplay. The roleplay where putting the collar on is literally the start and end signal.
- Slave. The role word the phrase slave collar points to. That collar is not a separate object but a collar inside an M/s relationship, and there it is earned instead of given.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the collar.
How tight should a collar be?
Two fingers should fit between the band and the neck. Never fasten a collar to a fixed point and never pull on it. Schori and colleagues described a fatal case in the International Journal of Legal Medicine (2022) involving a collar attached to a chain from the ceiling. If the lips or face start tingling, the band comes off.
Who can you ask about collars?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. For him a collar is gear that belongs to the evening and comes off again afterward. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or chat for free first.
Blog
Articles about surrender and roles
A collar makes visible what two people have otherwise agreed between them. These articles are about that agreement.
The Power of Discipline and Positions in BDSM
Why discipline in BDSM works, from the power dynamic to the emotional release and the deeper trust it builds between two partners.
Confinement in BDSM: restriction and surrender
Confinement in BDSM is physical restriction, vulnerability, and deep surrender, with full care for safety, a safeword, RACK, and loving aftercare.
Related service
Roles during a BDSM date
A collar belongs to the play and comes off again at the end. The service page shows how we agree in advance how far it goes.
BDSM date
Book a BDSM date with a gigolo who has 25 years of experience. Safe, intense, always within your limits, from soft bondage to dominance.
Learn more
Still have questions about collars?
I'm Victor. For me a collar is gear that belongs to the evening and comes off again afterward, and I'm happy to walk you through how that goes. Send me a message. No obligation, I'll message you back whenever it suits you.