Glossary
Collar of consideration
The stage that exists because people overestimate themselves, which makes it the most practical part of the whole thing.
What is a collar of consideration?
A collar of consideration is the first and temporary collar, the one that comes before the lasting bond. It marks that two people are seriously exploring each other without anything being settled yet. If it doesn’t work out, the collar comes off and that is the end of it.
| Also called | Consideration collar. The A to Z glossaries compare it to going steady, a serious stage that is not yet permanent. |
| Stage | the first of three; the training collar and the lasting collar follow |
| Putting it on is called | collaring |
| Duration | whatever the two of you agree; there is no usual length |
| Key feature | it has a way out built in, and that exit is meant to be usable |
What this stage actually involves
Kayla Lords sums it up short: whoever wears this collar is “under consideration” to become their partner’s submissive or slave. So a question is open, not an answer.
Handler David describes the same step as the start of a D/s dynamic and of a mutual interest in taking it further. He calls it plainly a trial period that either party can step out of without big consequences, and he advises setting the length ahead of time. At the end of it they decide together whether they go on or stop.
Why that in-between step exists
Because the object carries more weight than people expect. The encyclopedia describes a collar as a sign of ownership or of belonging within a relationship, much like a wedding ring that shows someone is taken. That is not something you do after two weeks of getting to know each other.
The in-between step turns that gesture into something you can take back. It sounds businesslike and in practice it does the opposite: it puts you at ease. Both of you know that backing out is allowed, and that is what makes it safe to talk about more. Lords stresses that there is no single right answer and that every couple has to find its own way.
Sources
- Collars in BDSM. Wikipedia. Gives the meaning of a collar as a sign of ownership or belonging, and the comparison to a wedding ring that shows someone is taken.
Related terms
- Collar. The object itself, and its two very different meanings.
- Rose ceremony. The most elaborate form such a bond can take.
- Collaring. The ritual where this collar goes on, along with the later stages.
- Contract. Where the agreements from this period usually end up.
- Check-in. The tool that does the most work during a trial period.
- M/s. The relationship such a trial period usually works toward.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the collar of consideration.
What is a collar of consideration?
The first, temporary collar, the one that comes before a lasting bond. Whoever wears it is “under consideration” to become their partner’s submissive. So a question is open, not an answer.
How long does such a period last?
As long as the two of you agree; there is no usual length. The advice from the scene is to set that duration ahead of time and, at the end, decide together whether you go on or stop.
Who can you turn to with questions about the collar of consideration?
With Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. How you set up a trial period, and how you step out of it without any fuss, is something he is glad to talk through with you. You can put a question to him with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free.
Want to know more
Still have questions about the collar of consideration?
I'm Victor. A trial period only works if you both know how to step out of it, and that is usually the conversation people skip. Ask me about it. No obligation, and I'll message you back whenever suits you.