Slave

What is a slave?

Slave in BDSM is someone who has fully entrusted themselves, within an M/s relationship, to a master or mistress, with ownership as the starting point. It is a chosen role that you can end at any moment. The ordinary Dutch word means the opposite, and that gap is the whole page.

Where the word slave comes from

From a people. The Etymologisch Woordenboek van het Nederlands traces slaaf back to medieval Latin sclavus, “a person who is the property of another”, recorded in the tenth century. Before that, Slavus in the same language simply meant “someone of Slavic descent”, and that in turn goes back to Greek sklabos from the sixth century.

The shift in meaning has an address. Around the year 800 Verdun had a large international slave market, and in raids by Germans, Vikings and Byzantines on the Balkans above all, whole peoples were captured and enslaved over the four centuries that followed. That those people were mostly Slavic explains why the name of a people became a word for unfreedom.

In Dutch the word turns up as a nickname: Willelmus Slave, 1268. And then something happens that you would not expect on this page. Between 1350 and 1400 a Middle Dutch poem reads “ic … die bem haer slave”. I, who am her slave. Six centuries before BDSM had a word for it, a poet was already using this word to describe surrender to a beloved.

Why the word sits heavy in the Netherlands

Because nothing about it was chosen. On 19 December 2022, in the National Archives, Prime Minister Rutte apologized for the actions of the Dutch state, and in it condemned slavery as a crime against humanity.

The numbers from that speech: up to 1814, more than 600,000 African women, men and children were shipped to the American continent by Dutch traders. In Asia, within the VOC’s jurisdiction, between 660,000 and more than a million people were traded. The exact number is not known. At abolition in 1863 it was not the enslaved but their owners who were compensated, and anyone freed in name in Suriname still had to keep working under state supervision for another ten years. Until 1873.

Note the words the state itself uses in that speech: tot slaaf gemaakten, enslaved people, not “slaven”, slaves. That is no accident. Since December 2015 the Rijksmuseum has run a terminology working group that revises words like this, and in the collection a 1668 painting by Jan Mijtens is now titled “Margaretha van Raephorst with an enslaved servant”. The construction says what the noun leaves out: this was something done to someone.

What the word means in BDSM

Something that is the reverse at every point. Anyone who calls themselves a slave in the scene chooses it themselves, can end it, and has usually talked about it for months before it started.

The relationship itself, with the research done on it, is on M/s. What comes with it in practice: negotiation, often a contract that legally means nothing, and a collaring as a starting point. The day-to-day rarely sits in sex and usually in service, rules and the calendar.

Slave or submissive

Scope and duration, not weight. A submissive gives up the lead within an agreed frame: a scene, an evening, an area. With a slave the arrangement runs on outside those moments, and touches the groceries, the bank account and who gets up first in the morning.

That does not mean it is more intense. A three-hour scene can be heavier than a year in which someone does the shopping as agreed. What changes is not the intensity but the reach.

Beyond that, there is no authority that hands out this word. No one tests whether you “really” are one, and that saves arguments.

What slave is not

“Anyone who uses the word trivializes history.” That criticism is out there and deserves an honest answer instead of a shrug. The argument is strong where it is about the word itself: someone who picks “slave” as an exciting name borrows weight from people who had no say in it. The argument is weaker where it is about the practice, because the role the scene describes has not a single feature of slavery: no coercion, no right of ownership, no impossibility of walking away. What remains is a choice you make yourself: use the word deliberately, know what you are borrowing, and don’t expect everyone to hear it as neutral.

“A slave contract makes it binding.” No. Why such a document is legally nothing and still has a use is on contract.

“Nothing is left of your own will.” Also not, and that has been measured. Which research that is and what exactly it showed is on M/s.

“It’s the same as a sub.” See above: the difference is in scope and duration.

What I see myself

I’m Victor, a gigolo, at home in BDSM for more than twenty-five years and trained as a psychotherapist. This word rarely comes up with me, and when it does it is almost always from a woman talking about her own position and wondering whether she is even allowed to say it.

The word is not the problem, the expectation around it is. People who arrange this with each other talk about it for months before anything changes, and it runs aground on the things no one thought of. A sick parent, a move, a job. Whoever picks the word without that conversation picks a mood instead of an arrangement.

What you can do yourself

• Agree on what it covers and what it doesn’t. Money, work, family, health: name them all once, even if the answer is “not here”.
• Set down how it ends. Not because it goes wrong, but because an arrangement without an exit is not an arrangement.
• Use the word deliberately outside the door. What has meaning between the two of you sounds different at a birthday table.
• Find a second source for the heavy moments. One person who is both the one in charge and your only sounding board is a fragile setup.
• Don’t start with the word. Start with what you want to change; if the word still fits after that, it is the right word.

More on slave

On this site, M/s explains the relationship form with the research, master describes the title on the other side, and service shows what such an arrangement consists of in practice.

Beyond this site, the speech of 19 December 2022 is the shortest piece that lays out the Dutch figures and years in order, and Etymologiebank gives the full word history with the sources.

Where this fits on this site

I am not a master and I am not looking for a slave; I am available for hire for an evening, and that is something other than a relationship. What is possible during such an evening in the way of power exchange is on the BDSM date.

Sources

• slaaf. Etymologisch Woordenboek van het Nederlands (Philippa, Debrabandere, Quak, Schoonheim & Van der Sijs, 2003–2009) via Etymologiebank. Gives the borrowing from medieval Latin sclavus “a person who is the property of another, a serf” (tenth century), the earlier Slavus “someone of Slavic descent” (seventh century) and medieval Greek sklabos (sixth century); the simplification of the consonant cluster skl-, unusual in Dutch, to sl-; the large international slave market in Verdun around 800 and the raids by Germans, Vikings and Byzantines on the Balkans above all in the four centuries after, as the explanation for the shift in meaning; and the Middle Dutch sources: the byname of Willelmus Slave (1268), “ic … die bem haer slave” (1350–1400) and “Die een es keyser, dander slave” (1390–1410).
• Speech by Prime Minister Mark Rutte on the history of slavery. Rijksoverheid, 19 December 2022, delivered at the National Archives in The Hague; full text read. Gives the acknowledgment and condemnation of slavery as a crime against humanity; the figure of more than 600,000 enslaved African women, men and children shipped to the American continent by Dutch slave traders up to 1814; the estimate of between 660,000 and more than a million people traded within the VOC’s jurisdiction in Asia; the point that in 1863 it was the owners and not the enslaved who were financially compensated and that anyone freed in name in Suriname still had to keep working under state supervision for ten years, until 1873; and the consistent use of the phrase “tot slaaf gemaakten”, enslaved people, instead of the noun.
• Woordenboek der Nederlandsche Taal, entry SLAAF. Via the Geïntegreerde Taalbank of the Instituut voor de Nederlandse Taal. Gives the dictionary definition of slaaf as “someone who belongs to a master as property”.
• Terminology. Rijksmuseum. Gives the existence of the terminology working group since December 2015, the practice that every change is made case by case and that old titles and descriptions are preserved, and, in the captions on that same page, the use of the phrase “enslaved” in a collection title, for the 1668 painting by Jan Mijtens.

Related terms

• M/s. The relationship this role is the serving half of, with the research and the legal state of play.
• Master and mistress. The titles on the other side, with their own history.
• Submissive. The broader role, with a smaller reach and a shorter span.
• Service. What the arrangement consists of in practice.
• Collaring. The ceremony that marks the start, with or without an audience.
• Collar. The visible sign, which in this context is not bought but given.
• Contract. The document around it, and why it is legally nothing.
• Slave contract. That same document under the name that refers to this role.
• 24/7. What it means when no moment falls outside the arrangement anymore.
• High protocol. The code of conduct that most often goes with it.
• Owner. The counter-role for anyone who puts the accent on ownership and not on serving.
• Slavin. The feminine form, and what the suffix -in adds in Dutch.