Consent in BDSM: The Backbone of Safety and Pleasure
Why consent is the backbone of safe BDSM, from limits and safe words to ongoing agreement and aftercare, so you play from trust.
Glossary
Slave contract
The most famous example in literature misses the one clause that matters, and that is exactly why it teaches you something.
What is a slave contract?
A slave contract is the written record of an M/s relationship: who has authority over what, what does and does not happen, and how long the arrangement runs. It has no legal force at all and is not a special kind of contract, but the heaviest way to fill one in.
| Also known as | slavery contract |
| Category | the fullest, most far-reaching form of a contract, belonging to M/s |
| Legally binding | no. The Constitution grants everyone the right to inviolability of the body, and that right cannot be signed away |
| Essential clause | how the arrangement ends, and who can end it alone |
| Oldest example | the agreement in Venus in Furs (1870), which is missing exactly that clause |
| What it does do | force the conversation that precedes it, and record what was discussed |
What a slave contract contains
More about ordinary life than about sex. A contract can also cover a single evening; a slave contract is about a stretch of time: the household, the calendar, money, dealings with other people, and what happens in case of illness or job loss.
Four parts keep coming back: what is handed over and what falls outside it, the list of things that never happen, the term with a review date, and the exit. Who can end the arrangement, how, and without whose consent.
That last one is the only point on which a slave contract is good or bad. A thirty-page document with no exit is worse than half a page with one line about it.
The oldest example is in a novel
And it is a warning, not a model. In Venus in Furs, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s novella from 1870, Severin von Kusiemski signs an agreement with Wanda von Dunajew. The text is there word for word: he promises on his word of honor to be her slave “until such time that she herself sets him at liberty again”, he takes the name Gregor from that moment on, and she may punish and torture him “as the mood may seize her or merely for the sake of whiling away the time” and kill him if she wishes. In the last clause he also promises never to take revenge if she ever frees him.
There is a second document that goes with it, and that is the point. Wanda has him copy out a note in his own handwriting declaring that he has of his own free will put an end to his life. The story spells it out: with that paper on hand, she really can kill him too.
Read those two pieces side by side and you see what happens when there is no exit written in. The agreement has one way to end, she decides it, and the second document makes sure even that way protects nothing. This is the original form of the genre, sixteen years before the word masochism existed, and it contains everything a present-day contract must rule out.
Why people draw one up anyway
Because writing it down forces the conversation that otherwise never comes.
The appeal is in the solemnity and the precision at once. An arrangement you speak can stay vague; an arrangement you write down has to name a number, a day or a name. And the signing itself is a marker, usually followed by a collaring.
- For the one taking the lead, a slave contract forces choices about areas they had never thought about, like money and family.
- For the one entrusting themselves, it is something to fall back on when the feeling fades: what was discussed is there in black and white.
- For the two of you together, it brings subjects to the table that otherwise stay away, like illness, work and other people.
A slave contract changes nothing about what is wanted the next day. It records where you stood on the day of signing, and that is a different thing from an arrangement about the future.
What the law makes of it
Nothing, and that is not a detail. Article 11 of the Constitution reads: “Everyone shall have the right to inviolability of his person, without prejudice to restrictions laid down by or pursuant to Act of Parliament.” That right is not transferable. There is no signature that places it with someone else, and that is why no slave contract can do what it appears to do.
On the other side is what is punishable. Article 273f of the Dutch Criminal Code makes human trafficking punishable by up to twelve years in prison, among other things for “anyone who, by one of the means listed under 1°, forces or induces another to make themselves available to perform labor or services”. Those means are coercion, violence, threat, extortion, fraud, deception, abuse of a dominant position and abuse of a vulnerable position. Nowhere in the provision does a document appear. A paper on which someone signs that it is allowed is therefore no defense, and that is exactly why the exit belongs in it.
Misconceptions about the slave contract
“With a slave contract you can hold someone to something.” Nowhere in the world. What binds it is not the signature but the willingness of both to keep to it, and that willingness may be withdrawn afresh every day.
“It’s something other than an ordinary BDSM contract.” Only in scope. The same form, the same value, but about a life instead of about an evening.
“The more detailed, the more serious.” Length says nothing. What makes a slave contract serious is that it has an end date and an exit in it, and those fit together on one line.
“If it’s worth nothing anyway, you might as well not do it.” That is a different mistake. The value is not in the document but in the weeks before it, when you go through subject by subject.
What I see myself
I’m Victor, a gigolo, at home in BDSM for more than twenty-five years and trained as a psychotherapist. I don’t work with documents like this myself, my arrangements run over an evening, but I get the question about them with some regularity, usually from someone who has been handed one and doesn’t know what to do with it.
Pieces like this are almost always about the same thing. They are full of acts and titles, and they say nothing about the things that trip you up in practice: illness, a move, a new job. My advice is invariably the same and it is dull: cut half the clauses and put a date under it.
What you can do yourself
- Write down how it ends first, and only then what applies while it runs. One line is enough, as long as it says that only you can use it.
- Give it a term. A quarter or a year can be judged honestly; an arrangement with no end can only be broken.
- Name money, work, family and health, even if the answer to all four is “not here”. Those are the four where it goes wrong.
- Don’t have it signed on an evening with a mood. What you sign under tension reads differently the next morning.
- Keep it somewhere you can both reach it. A document one of you controls is not an arrangement but a piece of evidence.
More reading on the slave contract
On this site the general document with the research behind it is on contract, M/s describes the relationship such a piece records with the legal provisions, and collaring explains what follows the signing.
Beyond this site, Venus in Furs at Project Gutenberg is free to read; the agreement is in the last third and is shorter than this paragraph. And the Constitution is exactly one sentence long on this point.
Where this fits on this site
A document like this belongs to a period, and I work by the evening and without paper. We do talk through beforehand what happens and what does not; how that goes is on the BDSM date.
Sources
- Venus in Furs. Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, 1870, English translation by Fernanda Savage, Project Gutenberg eBook #6852; full text read. Gives the agreement between Wanda von Dunajew and Severin von Kusiemski word for word: that he becomes her slave “until such time that she herself sets him at liberty again”, the name Gregor, the clause that she may punish and torture him “as the mood may seize her or merely for the sake of whiling away the time” and kill him if she wishes because he is “her unrestricted property”, and the promise never to consider revenge or retaliation. Also gives the second document she has him copy out in his own hand: “Having since many years become weary of existence and its illusions, I have of my own free will put an end to my worthless life.”
- Constitution of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, Article 11. Via wetten.overheid.nl, text in force read. Gives the provision “Everyone shall have the right to inviolability of his person, without prejudice to restrictions laid down by or pursuant to Act of Parliament”. The ground on which this right cannot be transferred to another by agreement.
- Dutch Criminal Code, Article 273f. Via wetten.overheid.nl, text in force read. Gives the criminalization of human trafficking with up to twelve years in prison, the list of means in the first paragraph under 1° (coercion, violence or another act, threat, extortion, fraud, deception, abuse of a dominant position arising from actual circumstances, abuse of a vulnerable position) and the wording under 4° about anyone who by those means “forces or induces another to make themselves available to perform labor or services”. The provision contains no reference at all to a written consent.
Related terms
- Contract. The same document in general, with the research on negotiation.
- M/s. The relationship such a piece records, with the legal provisions on nullity.
- Slave. The role the document is named after, where the term slave contract comes from, and the weight of that word.
- Collaring. The ritual that follows the signing.
- Consent. The agreement the document is a snapshot of.
- Negotiation. The work that happens before the writing, and where the value sits.
- Dom-list. The same inventory in the form of a filled-in list, without the ceremony.
- 24/7. The time form such an arrangement is usually lived in.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the slave contract.
What is a slave contract?
A slave contract is the written record of an M/s relationship: what is handed over, what never happens, how long it runs and how it ends. It is not a separate kind of contract but the fullest, most far-reaching way to fill one in, and it is about money, the calendar and the household more often than about sex.
Is a slave contract legally valid?
No. Article 11 of the Constitution gives everyone the right to inviolability of the body, and that right is not transferable. No signature places it with someone else. The other way round, a slave contract is also no defense: Article 273f of the Dutch Criminal Code names only means and exploitation for human trafficking, and no document at all.
What should a slave contract include?
Four things: what is handed over and what falls outside it, the list of things that never happen, a term with a review date, and the exit. That last one is the only point on which a slave contract is good or bad. Who can end the arrangement, how, and without whose consent.
Where does the slave contract come from?
The oldest known example is in Venus in Furs by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, from 1870, where Severin von Kusiemski signs that he becomes “her unrestricted property”. It is a warning rather than a model: the only way to end it is for her to decide it, and she also has him copy out a farewell note in his own handwriting.
Who can you turn to with questions about a slave contract?
Victor, a gigolo with more than twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He doesn’t work with documents like this himself, his arrangements run over an evening, but whether something belongs in one or not is a question he gets often. You can send him a message with no obligation through the contact form or chat for free first.
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Still have questions about the slave contract?
I'm Victor. Anyone handed something like this usually has doubts about one clause and doesn't dare name it. Feel free to run it by me. No obligation, I'll message you back whenever suits you.