Glossary
Bratting
The behavior, not the person: disobedience that's agreed on beforehand.
What is bratting?
Bratting is deliberately not doing what you’re asked, as a form of play and within agreed limits. It’s the behavior, not the person: even someone who’d never call herself a brat can spend an evening bratting. The disobedience isn’t a break in the agreement, it’s a part of it.
| Term | Bratting is the verb form of brat; English and Dutch use the same word for it. |
| Relates to | brat, the role; brat tamer, the one who responds to it |
| Not to be confused with | topping from the bottom, and with an ordinary fight |
| Requires | a signal that sits outside the play, because “no” doesn’t count as a stop signal here |
When does bratting stop being play?
The line is whatever you’ve agreed on. As long as the pushback stays inside the roles you set, it’s bratting. The moment someone starts steering those roles themselves, it’s something else. The encyclopedia calls that topping from the bottom: agreeing to submit and then trying to steer the scene against the power balance you agreed on.
The practical difference is small. The felt one is not. With bratting, both of you know the resistance belongs there. The other way around, one of you stops knowing where they stand.
How do you keep bratting stoppable?
You keep it stoppable with a signal that sits outside the play. Bratting makes ordinary words useless. Say “no” and “stop” all evening as play, and you can’t reach for those same words when it turns serious.
The encyclopedia describes the safeword as something given to the submissive partner to keep the other from crossing physical and emotional limits, and names the traffic light system as the common form: red stops everything, amber slows it down, green means keep going or more. With bratting that system isn’t a formality, it’s the only thing that still reliably works. If I agree that signal with you beforehand, the teasing on a BDSM date can go anywhere without us losing the thread.
Sources
- Top, bottom, switch. Wikipedia. Gives the definition of topping from the bottom, which is what sets bratting apart from steering behavior.
- Dominance and submission. Wikipedia. Gives the function of the safeword and the red, amber, and green traffic light system.
Related terms
- Brat. The person whose behavior bratting is.
- Brat tamer. The one who answers that behavior.
- Bottoming. Taking the receiving role, of which bratting is an outspoken variant.
- Funishment. What bratting usually aims for: a consequence that’s really a reward.
- Safeword. The one limit a brat can’t tease away.
- CNC. The form where resisting is exactly what’s agreed on, so bratting means something different there.
- Topping from the bottom. Steering that wasn’t agreed on, and why bratting falls outside it.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about bratting.
How do you stop a scene where someone is bratting?
With a signal that sits outside the play. Say no all evening as play and you can’t reach for that word when it turns serious, which is why the traffic light system isn’t a formality here.
Who can you turn to with questions about bratting?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. How you play disobedience without anyone reading it wrong is something you settle beforehand. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Still have questions about bratting?
I'm Victor. Playing disobedience without anyone reading it wrong comes down to one good agreement. Feel free to ask. No obligation, I'll text you back whenever it suits you.