Loss of libido

What is loss of libido?

Loss of libido (also low sexual desire) is a clear, lasting drop in the desire for sex. It differs from libido itself: libido is the desire, loss of libido is its decline. Whether that decline is a problem, you decide for yourself. It counts as a complaint only once it bothers you or gets in the way of your relationship.

What loss of libido looks like

Loss of libido rarely looks like a switch flipping. Usually it’s a shift over weeks or months: sex comes to mind less often, taking the initiative takes effort, and what used to happen on its own now needs a run-up. A common picture is a woman who still likes her partner and feels fine, but notices the desire simply isn’t there spontaneously anymore. Nothing is broken then; something has changed. According to Thuisarts.nl, it’s quite normal to have periods with less desire, and desire often returns on its own once you have rest and time.

What causes loss of libido

There’s rarely a single cause. Thuisarts.nl names busyness, stress and little attention for each other or for yourself as the ordinary triggers. Physical factors play a part too. Hormones are one: around menopause desire shifts for many women, and it’s exactly in the 45 to 65 age group that lasting, bothersome low desire is most common, according to an overview by Ronghe and colleagues (2023). Medication is a second. Antidepressants of the SSRI type have sexual side effects, and reduced libido is one of the most reported, according to an overview in European Psychiatry (2024). That is exactly why this is a page that names things and refers on, and does not prescribe treatment: which factor is at play for you is for your GP to weigh, not a website.

Is loss of libido a bad thing?

Usually not, and that’s the most important sentence on this page. Having less desire is not in itself an illness or a sign that something is wrong with you. It becomes a complaint, in the clinical sense, only when the decline lasts and you’re genuinely bothered by it: Ronghe’s overview describes the matching diagnosis as a persistent and distressing lack of interest in sex. Those two words, persistent and distressing, do the work. Without the distress there’s little the matter; with the distress there’s every reason to seek help for it. What you especially don’t have to do is judge yourself against a number you never agreed on with anyone.

Misconceptions about loss of libido

“Libido and loss of libido are the same word for the same thing.” No. Libido is the desire, loss of libido is its decline. If you feel like it, you have libido; if you notice that feeling ebbing away, you’re experiencing loss of libido.

“Once the desire is gone, it doesn’t come back.” Often it does. Thuisarts.nl describes how desire frequently returns on its own once you relax and have time, on holiday for instance. A dip is not a final state.

“It’s down to me, so I have to fix it alone.” Loss of libido is usually an interplay of stress, relationship, hormones and sometimes medication. That’s not a personal failure, and it’s exactly the kind of interplay a GP or sexologist helps untangle.

What I see in practice

I am Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. The women who write to me about this often think something is deeply wrong with their desire. In the conversations it usually turns out to be something else: not a shortage of desire, but a shortage of attention, rest or safety to feel that desire. That’s not a diagnosis from me, and I don’t treat it either. What I do look at is whether someone mainly needs a medical answer, in which case the GP should be the first stop, or time and attention without anything having to happen.

What your first step can be

• Go to your GP if the decline lasts and it bothers you. They can rule out physical and hormonal causes and refer you to a sexologist if needed, according to Thuisarts.nl.
• Bring your medication list. If you take an antidepressant, let it be weighed that reduced libido is a known side effect; never stop on your own, but discuss it.
• Look at rest and time first, before you doubt yourself. Tiredness and stress are the most ordinary triggers, and those ask for room, not treatment.
• Talk about it with your partner instead of hiding it. Loss of libido that stays unspoken quickly turns into blame rather than the cause.

More on loss of libido

• Libido. The desire itself, which loss of libido is the decline of; start there if you want the distinction sharp.
• Menopause. The hormonal shift that intervenes in desire for many women.
• Less desire for sex, is that a problem? on Thuisarts.nl (Dutch). The shortest, most reliable Dutch overview, with when to see your GP.

Where this fits on this site

If the desire is mostly gone because of busyness, medication or hormones, that belongs with your GP and not with me. If instead you notice it’s about a lack of attention and touch, that is something I can mean something for: intimate togetherness without haste and without anything having to happen. This page only explains the term; you’re always welcome to ask your question first, no strings attached.

Sources

• Less desire for sex, is that a problem?. Thuisarts.nl (Dutch). Provides the finding that periods with less desire are normal, that busyness, stress and little attention are the ordinary causes, and that the GP can refer to a sexologist.
• Understanding Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in Women. Ronghe et al., Cureus, 2023 (DOI 10.7759/cureus.49690). Provides the description of low desire as a persistent and distressing lack of interest, and the prevalence that peaks in women aged 45 to 65.
• Sexual dysfunction, depression, and the impact of antidepressants. Jupe et al., European Psychiatry, 2024 (DOI 10.1192/j.eurpsy.2024.1120). Provides that sexual side effects of antidepressants are common and that reduced libido is one of the most reported.

Related terms

• Libido. The desire itself; loss of libido is its decline, so this is the term to set beside it.
• Menopause. A common hormonal trigger for loss of libido in women.
• Roommate syndrome. How long-lasting closeness can flatten desire for a steady partner.
• Sexual response cycle. The model in which desire is the first phase, and so where loss of libido begins.