GGG stands for good, giving, and game: sex-advice columnist Dan Savage’s standard for a good sexual partner. You are good in bed, you give your partner equal time and pleasure, and you stay open to a lot of things, within reason. It is about being generous without losing yourself.

Does the G for game mean anything goes?

No. Being game means staying open to things your partner would like to try, not that you have to do anything that feels unsafe or makes you feel bad. Dan Savage deliberately added “within reason”. Anyone who uses GGG to talk a partner across a limit has the whole idea backwards.

Who can you turn to with questions about GGG?

Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He thinks along with you about giving and taking in bed, without you having to erase yourself. You can ask him a question through the contact form or chat for free first.

Close-up of an open book with a pencil between the pages, in black and white

Glossary

GGG

Three words that capture how to be a generous partner without erasing yourself.

What does GGG mean?

GGG stands for good, giving, and game: the standard that sex-advice columnist Dan Savage came up with for a good sexual partner. You aim to be good in bed, to give your partner equal time and equal pleasure, and to stay open to a lot of things, within reason. It is never a duty that makes you feel unsafe.

English term	good, giving, and game, the acronym written out in full
Category	a guideline for sexual conduct, close to consent
Coined by	Dan Savage, in his sex-advice column Savage Love
The three G’s	good (good in bed), giving (give as much as you take), game (open, within limits)
Where the line is	game never means doing something that feels unsafe or makes you feel bad
Core	being generous without losing yourself

What the three G’s involve

GGG describes how to be a good bed partner without crossing your own limits. According to the encyclopedia, Dan Savage summed it up like this: you aim to be good in bed, to give your partner “equal time and equal pleasure”, and to be game “for anything, within reason”. That last addition does the work. Sex researcher Debby Herbenick explains in the Savage Love Glossary that game does not mean you have to do things that make you feel bad or make you afraid for your safety.

Why people find this a useful anchor

What is handy about GGG is that it catches a hard conversation in three words. Instead of keeping score of who got what, you agree on an attitude: both of you doing your best, both giving, both staying curious. For a couple stuck in “you always want more than I do”, it gives you a language to look at it together.

Being game is not coercion, by the way. Anyone who uses GGG to talk a partner across a limit has it backwards. The limit in within reason is exactly the point.

Where this fits on my site

I work as a gigolo with women who want to discover what they enjoy, and being generous without erasing yourself is the heart of that. If you would like to explore that calmly during an intimate togetherness, I would be glad to. Just ask.

Sources

Good, giving, and game. Wikipedia. Gives Dan Savage’s description of GGG: good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and being game for anything within reason.
A Savage Love Glossary. Debby Herbenick, The Stranger, 2016. Gives the nuance that game does not mean you have to do something that makes you feel bad or makes you afraid for your safety.

GGG is a guideline that sits close to consent: being generous starts with limits that work for both of you.

Consent. The foundation: GGG asks you to give, but always within agreement and safety.
Three-minute game. An exercise for opening exactly that conversation about giving and taking.
Desire discrepancy. The difference in appetite that GGG tries to answer.
Dead bedroom. What can happen when giving and taking run out of balance for years.

Frequently asked questions

What people still ask about GGG.

What does GGG mean?
GGG stands for good, giving, and game: sex-advice columnist Dan Savage’s standard for a good sexual partner. You are good in bed, you give your partner equal time and pleasure, and you stay open to a lot of things, within reason. It is about being generous without losing yourself.
Does the G for game mean anything goes?
No. Being game means staying open to things your partner would like to try, not that you have to do anything that feels unsafe or makes you feel bad. Dan Savage deliberately added “within reason”. Anyone who uses GGG to talk a partner across a limit has the whole idea backwards.
Who can you turn to with questions about GGG?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He thinks along with you about giving and taking in bed, without you having to erase yourself. You can ask him a question through the contact form or chat for free first.

Want to know more

Still have questions about GGG?

I'm Victor, a gigolo. Being generous without losing yourself is what my work is about. Want to explore that? Ask your question with no strings attached, and I'll message you back whenever it suits you.

Ask your question Free chat