Touch and skin hunger?
Skin hunger is your skin craving touch, not sex. What happens in your body when you go too long untouched, and what actually helps.
Glossary
Three-Minute Game
A small game that teaches you to ask out loud for what you want, and to hear what the other person wants.
What is the Three-Minute Game?
The Three-Minute Game is an exercise in which two people take turns for three minutes asking for what they want around touch. You ask one question at a time, the other answers yes or no, and then it happens or it does not. It makes the difference between giving, taking, receiving, and allowing something you can feel, and it is the foundation under Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent.
| Also written | Three-Minute Game, or 3-minute game |
| Invented by | Harry Faddis, as a teacher at the Body Electric School |
| Category | an exercise around consent and touch |
| Core | taking turns for three minutes asking for what you want |
| The two questions | “may I touch you the way I want” and “will you touch me the way I want” |
| Teaches | the difference between giving, taking, receiving, and allowing |
How the game works
The Three-Minute Game turns on two questions you ask in turn. According to Betty Martin’s School of Consent, on one side you ask “may I touch you the way I want, for three minutes”, and on the other “will you touch me the way I want, for three minutes”. Out of those two questions come four experiences: giving, taking, receiving, and allowing. The game was invented by Harry Faddis, a teacher at the Body Electric School, and Betty Martin later built her Wheel of Consent on it.
Why people play it
The appeal is that consent suddenly becomes concrete instead of a word. By asking out loud and waiting for a real answer, you notice how different “doing something for the other” feels from “taking something you want yourself”, even though the touch looks the same from the outside. The three minutes and the small question are deliberately small: it is an exercise, not a performance. Do it with someone you trust, and then you really dare to say no when that is the answer.
Sources
- The Wheel of Consent, simply explained. School of Consent (Betty Martin). Provides the two questions of the game and the four quadrants of giving, taking, receiving, and allowing.
- Interview with Harry Faddis about the 3-Minute Game. Somatic Consent. Provides the finding that Harry Faddis invented the game as a teacher at the Body Electric School.
Related terms
- Consent. The larger subject that the Three-Minute Game is a practical exercise within.
- Negotiation. Settling beforehand what is allowed, which this game is a playful form of.
- Checklist. Another way to make wishes and limits concrete, on paper instead of in the moment.
- Boundary. What this game teaches you to feel and name.
- Aftercare. The care after intense contact, which the same asking and tuning in belongs to.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about the Three-Minute Game.
What is the Three-Minute Game?
The Three-Minute Game is an exercise in which two people take turns for three minutes asking for what they want around touch. You ask one question at a time and the other answers yes or no. It makes the difference between giving, taking, receiving, and allowing something you can feel.
Who invented the Three-Minute Game?
Harry Faddis invented the Three-Minute Game as a teacher at the Body Electric School. Betty Martin came to know it there and later built her Wheel of Consent on it. The game has been widely used since then in workshops about consent and touch.
Who can you turn to with questions about the Three-Minute Game?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. Asking and tuning in are the heart of how he works, and he will explain to you freely how an exercise like this feels. You can reach him through the contact form or first chat for free.
Related service
Touch at your pace, with tuning in beforehand
What the Three-Minute Game practices is exactly how I work: asking what you want and doing nothing you do not want. The service page lays out how a meeting around touch and skin hunger goes.
Learn more
Still have questions about the Three-Minute Game?
I'm Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. Asking and tuning in are the heart of how I work. Want to know how an exercise like this goes in practice? Ask your question freely, no obligation.