Your first time at a play party: what to expect
What happens at a play party, who the DM is, how the house rules work, and why watching is the most normal thing to do all evening.
Glossary
Dungeon
A word that sounds like a medieval vault and usually turns out to be a tidy room with sturdy beams.
What is a dungeon?
A dungeon is a room set up for BDSM. The encyclopedic glossary puts it short and dry: a room or area with BDSM equipment and space for scenes. A room like that can be at home, in a club, or rented by the hour.
| Also known as | a play room, the word people use when “dungeon” feels too heavy |
| What’s in it | a Saint Andrew’s cross, a spanking bench, a cage, a bench, suspension points |
| Where | at home, in a club, or rented by the half-day |
| Supervision at a party | the dungeon monitor, who enforces the house rules |
What’s in a dungeon
Furniture someone can be tied to. The Saint Andrew’s cross is the most common piece, with D-rings or eyes at arm height and ankle height. Alongside it a spanking bench to lie over, often a cage, and beams or eyes in the ceiling for rope work.
The overview of rentable play spaces on this site shows how wide that runs. From an ordinary bedroom with a slatted bed and fixed anchor points, to a stand-alone cabin in the woods with a fully fitted dungeon inside and a cross, a bondage swing, spanking benches, and a pillory outside. The word covers both.
Why people go to a dungeon
Because you don’t have to install anything and don’t have to explain anything. An eye bolt in a rented apartment is a problem; a beam that already hangs is not. And anyone who wants to try something heavy for the first time would rather do it in a room built for it than on a bed that can’t take it. If you book a BDSM date with me, choosing a room like that is part of what we arrange beforehand.
At a public party, supervision comes on top of that. The glossary describes the dungeon monitor as the one who keeps an eye on the contact between participants and enforces the house rules; the article on play parties adds that these monitors uphold rules like safe, sane and consensual and risk-aware consensual kink.
The caveat belongs with it: a rented room is not your room. You play on someone else’s time, by someone else’s rules, and at a party with an audience there too.
Sources
- Glossary of BDSM. Wikipedia. Gives the definition of a dungeon as a room or area with BDSM equipment and space for scenes, and of the dungeon monitor as the one who keeps an eye on the contact between participants at a play party or in a dungeon and enforces the house rules.
- Play party (BDSM). Wikipedia. Gives the layout of a play party into zones for drinking, changing, and playing, and the finding that at larger parties there are dungeon monitors who enforce rules like safe, sane and consensual and risk-aware consensual kink.
Related terms
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Public play. What a room like this is set up for, and what the law says about it.
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Saint Andrew’s cross. The piece of furniture in almost every dungeon.
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Spanking bench. The other classic piece, to lie over.
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Cage. For anyone who wants to be put away for longer.
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D-ring. The hardware you clip to the fixed points in a room like this.
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Exhibitionism. Why a room with house rules is the one place being watched with consent can happen.
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Fetish party. The evening with a dress code, where the play space looks like a dungeon.
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House rules. What applies in a room like this, and what a club can and cannot decide.
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Play party. The evening a room like this is opened up for, and who brings which gear.
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Pillory. The piece from that inventory modeled on a real punishment.
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Playroom. The most neutral of the words, and why that matters at home.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about a dungeon.
What is a dungeon?
A dungeon is a room set up for BDSM: a room or area with BDSM equipment and space for scenes. It is also called a play room when “dungeon” feels too heavy.
What is in a dungeon?
Furniture someone can be tied to: a Saint Andrew’s cross, a spanking bench, often a cage, and suspension points in the ceiling or beams. From a bedroom with fixed anchor points to a fully fitted room with a pillory and a bondage swing, everything falls under the word.
What does a dungeon monitor do?
A dungeon monitor keeps an eye on the contact between participants at a play party or in a dungeon and enforces the house rules. At larger parties these monitors uphold principles like safe, sane and consensual and risk-aware consensual kink.
Who can you turn to with questions about a dungeon?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He knows the rental rooms in the Netherlands and beyond and thinks along about which one fits your plan. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles on play spaces
Where you play decides what's possible. This overview is about BDSM rooms and play rooms you can rent by the half-day, with the fit-out, prices, and what to watch for.
SM Room for Rent: BDSM Rooms and Play Spaces in the Netherlands and Beyond
BDSM rooms and SM play spaces for rent across the Netherlands, Belgium, France and Germany: SM cottages, SM B&Bs, setup, prices and what to check.
Related service
An evening in a play space
A BDSM party or a club night is on the list of scenarios. The service page tells you how we agree on what happens that evening and what you don't want to run into.
Scenarios
Erotic roleplay and fantasy with a gigolo: cuckolding, a mystery experience, a spontaneous meeting or a rape play scenario, safe and fully your script.
More info
Any questions about a dungeon?
I'm Victor. Where you play often decides more than what you play, and I'm glad to think along about which room fits your plan. Send me a message. No obligation, I'll message you back at your own pace.