Arranging a threesome with a gigolo: how to do it safely
Arranging a threesome with a gigolo without damaging your relationship. The agreements to make first, and what goes wrong when you skip them.
Glossary
MFM
Two men, one woman, and three letters that say in advance who focuses on whom.
What is MFM?
MFM (Male-Female-Male) is a threesome with two men and one woman, where the woman is the pivot and the two men do not touch each other sexually. The F in the middle means all the attention is aimed at her. MFM is a configuration of its own, not the same as FMF, which is two women and one man.
| Stands for | Male-Female-Male; the abbreviation MFM is used internationally |
| Also known as | in the scene also a “devil’s threesome”; not to be confused with FMF |
| Category | a threesome within swinging and group sex |
| Letter rule | the F in the middle is the pivot; the two men on the outside do not touch each other |
| Difference from MMF | in MMF the two Ms stand side by side, which does imply sexual contact between the men |
| Key point | who touches whom is agreed in advance, not automatic |
How the letters in MFM work
The order of the letters sets the role split. According to the swing scene, you look at the gender in the middle, because that is the pivot, and in MFM that is the woman. The two men usually have no sexual contact with each other; that form is also called the “devil’s threesome” there. Put the two Ms side by side instead and you get MMF, which does imply contact between the men.
Why people choose MFM
For many women the pull is being the center: two men focus on you, without your having to choose. That threesomes are widely on people’s minds shows in the study by Thompson and colleagues: 81 percent of their participants reported some interest in a threesome and 30 percent had experience of one, with men more positive about it than women. The letters are only a starting point. With two men, it comes down to competition and pace being talked through in advance; the configuration does not do that work by itself.
What I see myself
I am Victor, a gigolo. With an MFM I notice that most of it hangs on how the two men relate to each other: do they give each other room, or does it become a contest. If that is spoken through beforehand, the woman can truly give herself over to being the center; if it stays unspoken, she is the first to feel the tension between the men.
Where this fits on this site
If this is in play as a fantasy of yours and your partner together, the page about dates with couples explains how I fit in as the third. This page offers no more than the term; for the rest you can reach me directly.
Sources
- Exploring Variations in North American Adults’ Attitudes, Interest, Experience, and Outcomes Related to Mixed-Gender Threesomes. Thompson, Cipriano, Kirkeby, Wilder & Lehmiller, Archives of Sexual Behavior 50(4), 1433-1448, 2021. Supplies that 81 percent of participants reported some interest in a threesome, 30 percent had experience of one, and men were more positive about it than women.
- Threesome. Wikipedia. Supplies the description of a threesome as sexual contact between three people and the finding that the threesome is a common fantasy.
- FFM, MMF, MFM, FMF: what’s the difference in swinging?. Swingers.org, 2018. Supplies the letter rule that the gender in the middle is the pivot, that in MFM the two men usually have no contact, and that MMF does imply contact between the men.
Related terms
MFM falls under swinging, the sharing of sex with more than one other person.
- Swinging. The pillar: sharing sex with others, with a threesome as the smallest form.
- FMF. The mirror configuration with two women and one man, no synonym but a form of its own.
- Trio. The overarching form of sex with three, of which MFM is a letter label.
- Group sex. The broader field of sex with more than two people.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about MFM.
What is the difference between MFM and MMF?
In MFM the F is in the middle, so the two men focus on the woman and do not touch each other. In MMF the two Ms stand side by side, which means the men also have sexual contact with each other. The simple rule: the gender in the middle is the pivot.
Who can you turn to with questions about MFM?
With Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He knows that in a threesome with two men the relation between those men decides everything, and he thinks along with you, no obligation. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about threesomes
This page gives the term. In these articles you find how a threesome feels and what you agree beforehand.
Podcast interview: Victor on threesomes, swingers clubs, and spaghetti sex
Jolanda of Brabants Meisje interviews Victor: his first swingers club, why nothing is 'required' in a threesome, and the apple pie conversation.
Related service
Exploring something together as a couple
If MFM is in play as a fantasy of yours together, I can join as the third. The service page has how a date with a couple works.
Gigolo for couples
A gigolo for couples: break the routine together, grow closer, and safely explore a fantasy on your own terms.
Learn more
Still have questions about MFM?
I'm Victor, a gigolo. In a threesome with two men the calm is not in the letters but in what you speak through beforehand. If you want to explore that, ask your question, no obligation, I'll message you back whenever suits you.
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