Arranging a threesome with a gigolo: how to do it safely
Arranging a threesome with a gigolo without damaging your relationship. The agreements to make first, and what goes wrong when you skip them.
Glossary
FMF
Three letters that tell you in advance who focuses on whom during a threesome.
What is FMF?
FMF (Female-Male-Female) is a threesome with two women and one man, where the two women do not touch each other. The letters stand for the arrangement: because the M sits in the middle, there is no sexual contact between the women. The man is the pivot, and both women focus on him.
| English term | Female-Male-Female; the abbreviation FMF is used internationally |
| Category | a threesome within swinging and group sex |
| What it is | two women and one man, where the women do not touch each other |
| Letter rule | the gender in the middle is the pivot; adjacent identical letters (FF) do imply contact between them |
| Not to be confused with | FFM (women do go together) and MFM (two men, one woman) |
| Core point | the arrangement is agreed in advance, not automatic |
How the letters work
The order of the letters tells you who is with whom. According to the swinging scene, the simple rule is to look at the letter in the middle, because that is the person all the attention is on. When two identical letters sit side by side, like the FF in FFM, there is usually sexual contact between those two. In FMF the M keeps the women apart: no contact between them, both focused on the man. So three letters already tell you roughly how the evening is meant to go.
Why people choose FMF
FMF is one of the most common fantasies, especially among men. For the man it means two women focused on him, without having to choose. For women who have no wish for sex with another woman, FMF is a way to share something together without it becoming bi. Ashley Thompson and colleagues showed in Archives of Sexual Behavior (2021) that interest in and experience with mixed-gender threesomes among adults is widespread, often driven by curiosity. The three letters are only a starting point. What actually happens you agree in advance, and jealousy and boundaries deserve just as much attention as the arrangement.
What I see myself
In the threesomes I take part in, what strikes me is that the agreement over who touches whom matters more than people expect beforehand. A letter on paper does not take the nerves away. So I keep asking: what do you want to see, and where is your limit. Once that is clear, the rest relaxes on its own. If you want to arrange a threesome like that together with me, the page on couples explains how I approach it.
Sources
- Exploring variations in North American adults’ attitudes, interest, experience, and outcomes related to mixed-gender threesomes. Ashley E. Thompson, Allison E. Cipriano, Kimberley M. Kirkeby, Delaney Wilder and Justin J. Lehmiller, Archives of Sexual Behavior 50(4), 1433-1448, 2021. Shows that interest in and experience with mixed-gender threesomes among adults is widespread and often driven by curiosity.
Related terms
FMF belongs to swinging, the world where couples and singles share sex with others.
- Swinging. The pillar: sharing sex with others, of which a threesome is one of the forms.
- Fantasy archetype. Sex with multiple partners is one of the recurring fantasy forms.
- Sex club. A place where a threesome like FMF often takes shape.
- Consent. The agreement in advance that decides who touches whom.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about FMF.
What is the difference between FMF and FFM?
In FMF the M sits in the middle, so the two women do not touch each other and focus on the man. In FFM the two F’s sit side by side, which means the women also have sexual contact with each other. The simple rule: look at the letter in the middle.
Who can you turn to with questions about FMF?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He knows from experience that in a threesome the agreement over who touches whom matters more than the letters, and he’ll think it through with you, no strings attached. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about threesomes
This page gives the term. These articles cover how a threesome feels and what you agree beforehand.
Podcast interview: Victor on threesomes, swingers clubs, and spaghetti sex
Jolanda of Brabants Meisje interviews Victor: his first swingers club, why nothing is 'required' in a threesome, and the apple pie conversation.
Want to know more
Still have questions about FMF?
I am Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. In a threesome the calm is not in the letters, but in what you agree beforehand. If you want to explore that, ask your question with no strings attached, I'll message you back at your own pace.