Glossary
Sexual currency
The flirting and touch that keep desire alive, apart from how often there's sex.
What is sexual currency?
Sexual currency is the flirting, touch, and charge you build up with someone without it necessarily leading to sex: a look, a suggestive text, a hand in passing. The term comes from clinical psychologist and psychosexologist Karen Gurney. Keep your sexual currency topped up and you keep desire alive, apart from how often there’s sex.
| In Dutch | seksuele valuta |
| Coined by | Dr. Karen Gurney, Mind The Gap (2020) |
| What it is | flirting, touch, and charge that don’t have to become sex |
| How you notice it | a look, a touch as you pass each other, a suggestive text |
| Why it counts | it keeps desire alive, even without much sex |
| Falls under | sexual response cycle |
Where the idea comes from
Sexual currency is a concept from Dr. Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and psychosexologist with seventeen years of practice. She describes it as the flirting, the looks, the suggestive texts, and the sliding past each other in the kitchen. At the start of a relationship there’s plenty of it: lots of kissing, lots of eye contact. In a long relationship it often drains away, and that is what explains why desire falls asleep, more than how busy life is.
Why sexual currency matters
The nice thing about it is that desire doesn’t have to drop out of the sky. Gurney says that if she could ask everyone to do one thing to improve their sex life, it would be this: forget how often you have sex and invest in your sexual currency. For you, that takes off the pressure, because you don’t have to suddenly be in the mood, you build it up. Together, it means small, non-sexual moments feed the charge. What it doesn’t do: building currency isn’t a detour for forcing sex. It works precisely because there’s no obligation attached.
Where this fits on this site
I don’t sell relationship therapy, but I do work with exactly this charge: the attention, the look, and the run-up that load a meeting before anything happens. Curious how that build-up without any rush feels? Have a look at intimate togetherness. Just sending a message first is fine too. It commits you to nothing.
Sources
- Dr Karen Gurney on sexual currency. Doing It Podcast. Gives the definition of sexual currency as the flirting, looks, suggestive texts, and touch in passing, and that Gurney is a clinical psychologist and psychosexologist.
- Karen Gurney, Mind The Gap: The Truth About Desire and How to Future Proof Your Sex Life, 2020. Gives that topping up sexual currency keeps desire alive, apart from how often a couple has sex.
Related terms
- Sexual response cycle. Sexual currency feeds the arousal that gets going there.
- Sexual communication. A lot of currency is a way of talking without words.
- Sexual accelerator. Currency is one of the things that steps on the accelerator.
- Libido. Keep your currency topped up and you often find the appetite comes back on its own.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is sexual currency?
Sexual currency is the flirting, touch, and charge you build up with someone without it necessarily leading to sex: a look, a suggestive text, a hand in passing. The term comes from psychosexologist Karen Gurney. Keep your sexual currency topped up and you keep desire alive, apart from how often there’s sex.
How do you build sexual currency?
With small, non-sexual moments: a compliment, a look, a touch as you pass each other, a suggestive text. Karen Gurney says that if she could ask everyone to do one thing to improve their sex life, it would be to forget how often you have sex and invest in your sexual currency instead. It works because there’s no obligation attached.
Who can you turn to with questions about sexual currency?
I’m Victor, a gigolo, and I work with exactly this charge: the attention, the look, and the run-up that load a meeting before anything happens. Curious how that build-up without any rush feels, or want to talk through desire in your relationship? That can be done with no obligation or through chatting for free.
Learn more
Still have questions about sexual currency?
I'm Victor, a gigolo. I work with exactly the attention, the look, and the run-up that load a meeting before anything happens. Curious how that build-up without any rush feels? Ask whatever you like to know, with no obligation at all.