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Glossary
Male lover
From the old word for loving to the modern, paid version without the betrayal.
What is a male lover?
A male lover is a man someone has a romantic or sexual relationship with, often alongside a steady partner. In Dutch the word is minnaar, from minnen, Old Dutch for to love. A male lover, then, is not a husband or a steady partner, but someone who often stands beside that instead.
| Synonyms | lover, and the older paramour, which carries the extramarital sense |
| Also known as | in Dutch minnaar or amant; the female counterpart is the female lover |
| Category | a form of relationship; on this site it touches, through the paid lover, on sex work |
| Origin | from minnen, Old Dutch for to love |
| Not to be confused with | a steady partner or husband, which a lover often stands beside |
| Core | desire and attention, apart from or alongside the steady relationship |
Where the word comes from
The origin sits in loving itself. According to Etymologiebank, the Dutch minnaar goes back to the Middle Dutch minnere, a derivation of minnen, to love. Alongside that, the word has carried a second sense for centuries. The ordinary dictionary describes a lover as someone you have a romantic relationship with, usually while you also have another, steady relationship. Both meanings are still alive: the lover as beloved, and the lover as the man on the side.
Why people want a lover
The appeal is being wanted. A lover stands apart from the household, the bills and the grind, and that is exactly what makes it about desire and attention. For a woman who feels more like a chore than a woman at home, a lover can give back the feeling of being chosen. What a lover does not do is repair a steady relationship that was already empty; and a lover alongside a relationship brings secrecy, with everything that can tear along that seam.
What I see myself
I’m Victor, a gigolo, and you could call me a paid lover. The difference from an ordinary lover is that there is nothing furtive about it: it is arranged, discreet, and no one who doesn’t know is being betrayed. That is what makes it, done this way, a form of sex work. What women look for with me is almost always the lover feeling, being wanted and seen, without the wreckage of a real affair.
Where this fits on this site
If you want that feeling of a lover without the complications of a secret relationship, the boyfriend experience comes closest to it: attention and desire, arranged and without betrayal. The term is explained here; what it would mean for you, I’d rather hear from you.
Sources
- Minnaar. Etymologiebank.nl (Van der Sijs). Gives that the Dutch minnaar goes back to the Middle Dutch minnere, a derivation of minnen, to love, and the meaning of a man with an often extramarital romantic relationship.
- Minnaar. Woorden.org. Gives the common description of a lover as someone you have a romantic relationship with, usually while you also have a steady relationship on the side.
Related terms
On this site the lover touches on sex work, through the paid and arranged version.
- Sex work. The pillar: the paid lover is a form of sex work, without the betrayal of an affair.
- Female lover. The female counterpart, a term of its own with its own history.
- Gigolo. The name for the man who gives the lover feeling for pay.
- Escort. The broader service of paid company that the paid lover falls under.
- Affair. The secret outside relationship that the lover need not be.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about a male lover.
What is a male lover?
A male lover is a man someone has a romantic or sexual relationship with, often alongside a steady partner. The word comes from the Dutch minnen, Old Dutch for to love. A lover, then, is not a husband or steady partner, but someone who often stands beside that instead.
What is a paid lover?
A paid lover is a man who gives the feeling of a lover for pay, attention and desire, but without secrecy or betrayal. It is arranged and discreet, and so a form of sex work. On this site that is what a gigolo like Victor does.
Who can you turn to with questions about a male lover?
Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. You could call him a paid lover, so he knows from experience what women look for in that feeling. You can ask him a question without obligation through the contact form or chat for free first.
Blog
Articles about company and desire
This page gives the term. These articles are about how paid company and attention feel in practice.
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Related service
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Want to know more
Still have questions about a male lover?
I'm Victor, a gigolo, you could call me a paid lover. If you want to know what that does and doesn't involve, feel free to ask. No obligation, I'll text you back whenever it suits you.