Glossary
Meeting fantasy
What draws you is the stranger, someone with no past and no expectations, more than any particular act.
What is a meeting fantasy?
A meeting fantasy, in English also a stranger fantasy, is a sexual fantasy where the pull of the unknown comes first, not a particular act. It turns on the charge of a stranger, someone with no past and no expectations. Like any fantasy, it is an image in your head, not a plan to carry out.
| Also called | stranger fantasy; in Dutch vreemdenfantasie |
| Category | a sexual fantasy, close to the broader idea of kink |
| What comes first | the unknown itself, not a specific sexual act |
| Important | a fantasy is not a wish to actually do it |
| Related to | the hotel fantasy, where the same anonymity plays a part |
How a meeting fantasy works
The engine under it is curiosity for something new. Justin Lehmiller, who asked more than 4,000 Americans about their fantasies, calls novelty and adventure one of the most common themes in what people imagine. In a meeting fantasy that takes a specific shape: it is the lack of history that makes the other person exciting. There is nothing known to take into account, and your imagination fills that emptiness in itself.
Why people have this fantasy
The pull is freedom. With a stranger there is no past in play, no expectation, no judgment, and for anyone who always takes others into account in daily life that is exactly the charm. That such fantasies are common is no sign something is wrong. Christian Joyal and colleagues showed in their study that many fantasies people call unusual are, statistically, quite normal. What the fantasy is not is a blueprint. Fantasizing about a stranger does not mean you want to do it, and if you did want to, the same agreements hold as with all sex: consent and safer sex, and honesty if you are in a relationship.
Where this fits on this site
Some women write me precisely because the charge of someone new draws them, without wanting the rest of a stranger along with it. A date with me is that pull in a safe form: new, but arranged and prepared. How that works is on intimate togetherness. You can ask your question first; nothing else is required.
Sources
- What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?. Christian C. Joyal, Amélie Cossette & Vanessa Lapierre, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328–340, 2015. Supplies that many fantasies people consider unusual turn out, statistically, to be common or normal.
- What I Learned By Asking 4,000 Americans About Their Biggest Sex Fantasies. Justin Lehmiller, accompanying his book Tell Me What You Want, 2018. Supplies that novelty and adventure are one of the most common fantasy themes among the more than 4,000 people surveyed.
Related terms
A meeting fantasy is a specific sexual fantasy. The terms below are about fantasy in general.
- Kink. The broad field of sexual preferences and fantasies the meeting fantasy is an example of.
- Fantasy vs desire. The difference between fantasizing about something and actually wanting to do it, exactly the nuance with a meeting fantasy.
- Hotel fantasy. The fantasy where an anonymous place carries the charge, closely related to the stranger.
- Core erotic theme. The deeper why beneath a recurring fantasy.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is a meeting fantasy?
A meeting fantasy is a sexual fantasy where the pull of the unknown comes first, not a particular act. It is about the charge of a stranger, someone with no past and no expectations. In English it is called a stranger fantasy or meeting fantasy.
Does a meeting fantasy mean you actually want to do it?
No. A meeting fantasy is an image in your head, not a plan. Research by Christian Joyal and colleagues showed that many fantasies people call unusual are, statistically, normal. Fantasizing about a stranger says nothing about what you would choose in real life.
Who can you turn to with questions about a meeting fantasy?
With Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He thinks along with you, no obligation, about what a fantasy means to you and what you do or do not want to do with it, without judgment. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Still have questions about the meeting fantasy?
I'm Victor. If the charge of someone new draws you but you want it kept safe, I'll think it through with you. Feel free to ask, no obligation, I'll message you back whenever suits you.