Erotic massage

What is an erotic massage?

Erotic massage (Dutch: erotische massage) is massaging someone’s erogenous zones for sexual pleasure. The touch can evoke or heighten arousal and sometimes lead to an orgasm. It is used as foreplay, as the sex itself, or within sexual therapy. It centers on pleasure, not on a medical treatment.

What an erotic massage looks like in practice

An erotic massage is a build toward arousal, with a body that shows the way. According to the encyclopedia, an erotic massage is sometimes used as foreplay, as the sexual act itself, or as part of sex therapy. The touch aims at the erogenous zones and can evoke or heighten arousal.

An ordinary way it goes: you lie down, I work slowly from the back and the shoulders toward the places where there is more feeling, and the pace follows what is happening in you. There is no fixed script that has to be worked through. Sometimes climaxing is the end point, sometimes it stays with tension that does not have to go anywhere. What it becomes, you agree on in advance. Where it goes wrong is when you expected something other than what is offered, and that is exactly why that one question in advance makes such a difference.

Why an erotic massage does what it does

The working part is the attention to the erogenous zones. The encyclopedia describes an erotic massage as using massage techniques on another person’s erogenous zones for their sexual pleasure, and notes that the process can evoke or heighten arousal. The skin is the largest sense there is, and slow, focused touch puts the body on alert without anything having to happen right away.

That makes an erotic massage something other than rushing toward a goal. It stretches out the build, and it is that build that is the nicest part for many people. There is no performance that succeeds or fails, only a body that slowly starts to feel more.

Why people book an erotic massage

The pull is attention without an assignment. Lying on the table and receiving, without anything being asked of you in return, is a rare experience for many people. You do not have to perform anything, you only have to feel.

• For you it can be a way to make contact with your own body again, at a pace you set yourself. What strikes me is that the relaxation is often the real gift, more than the arousal.
• For anyone who has not felt touched in a long time it is a gentle way in: touch aimed at pleasure, without the pressure of sex that “has to work”.
• For a couple it can be a way to try something new together where one gives and the other only receives.

What an erotic massage is not: therapy or a solution for something that sits deeper. If touch feels loaded or unsafe, that belongs first at home with a practitioner, not on a massage table. And anyone who is looking for release but books tantra, or the other way around, goes home disappointed. Knowing what you book is half the story.

Misunderstandings about erotic massage

“Erotic massage and tantra massage are the same.” Not quite. The encyclopedia writes that views on tantra massage differ: some see it mainly as a form of erotic massage, others as a meditative or spiritual practice. With an erotic massage arousal is the goal; with tantra it does not have to be.

“It is always about climaxing.” Not necessarily. About yoni massage, a tantric form, the encyclopedia writes that an orgasm is not the only goal, though it often happens. With an erotic massage release may be the ending, but it does not have to be the reason.

“Tantra massage is a polite word for a happy ending.” Sometimes that is true, and that is where the sting is. The term is regularly used as a tidy wrapping. A good provider explains in advance what you get, so you know whether you are buying an erotic massage or something else.

What I see of it myself

I am Victor, gigolo, more than twenty-five years into BDSM and with a background as a psychotherapist. I offer tantra massage myself, and that is exactly why I notice how often people do not have the difference with an erotic massage clear when they book.

What strikes me every time: most women do not come for the orgasm. They come to feel something again, to not have to do anything for an hour. The arousal is then a nice bonus, but the calm afterward is what they talk about when they leave.

And I will say this honestly: I do not do the pre-conversation for form’s sake. What you do want, what definitely not, and how you stop. That conversation easily lasts half an hour, and it is the part that makes the massage safe enough to let yourself go.

More reading about erotic massage

On this site, tantra explains the meditative counterpart that an erotic massage is often confused with, and the articles tantra massage versus erotic massage and what is a yoni massage go deeper into what you buy where and how such a session unfolds.

Beyond this site, the encyclopedia article on erotic massage gives the shortest way into the term, and the article on tantric massage sets out why that form wants something other than arousal alone.

Sources

• Erotic massage. Wikipedia. Provides the definition of erotic massage as massaging the erogenous zones for sexual pleasure, and the finding that it is used as foreplay, as the sex itself or within sex therapy.
• Tantric massage. Wikipedia. Provides the finding that views on tantra massage differ between a form of erotic massage and a meditative or spiritual practice.
• Yoni massage. Wikipedia. Provides the finding that an orgasm is not the only goal of a yoni massage, though it often happens, which makes the distinction with an erotic massage visible.

Related terms

• Sex work. The broader practice that an erotic massage is a paid form of bodywork within.
• Tantra. The meditative counterpart, where the build does not have to lead to release.
• Yoni massage. The tantric massage of the vulva, where climaxing is allowed but not the goal.
• Yoni. The Sanskrit word for the vulva, which the yoni massage refers to.