Glossary
Sex therapy
A targeted treatment of sexual complaints by a sexologist, and how you get there through your family doctor.
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a targeted treatment of sexual complaints by a sexologist: usually a doctor, psychologist, or social worker with extra training in sexuality. It’s about conversations, explanation, and advice, not procedures. The treatment looks for what causes the problem and keeps it going.
| In Dutch | sekstherapie |
| Also known as | sexological treatment |
| Who gives it | a seksuoloog NVVS: a doctor, psychologist, or educational specialist with extra training |
| Where it starts | with your family doctor, who can refer you |
| What for | reduced desire, pain, erection or orgasm problems, complaints after illness or trauma |
| What it is not | not a medical procedure and not an escort service |
How sex therapy looks in practice
Sex therapy consists mostly of talking. You sit across from a sexologist who asks questions about what’s going on, how long it’s been going on, and what you’ve already tried yourself. Take someone with pain during sex who has started avoiding sex because of it. In therapy no one reaches straight for a pill, they look at the whole picture: the body, the tension, the relationship, and the thoughts that play a part. According to Rutgers, a sexologist specializes in exactly those complex complaints, where several things play at once. Often the partner sits in on part of the conversations.
Which complaints sex therapy addresses
A sexologist treats a broad range of complaints: less desire or none, pain during sex, difficulty with orgasm, erection problems, or complaints that arose after illness, trauma, or relationship problems, according to Rutgers. So it’s rarely about one simple cause. The Nederlandse Wetenschappelijke Vereniging voor Seksuologie safeguards the quality of that care: only someone who holds the title seksuoloog NVVS meets testable quality standards. That title is a quality mark, not a word anyone can use freely.
What sex therapy can give you
The gain is that a complaint you couldn’t solve on your own suddenly gets direction. Someone who understands where the pain or the lack of desire comes from often already feels lighter, before anything has even changed. For you it means a place where sex is an ordinary topic of conversation, without embarrassment. For the two of you together it can break a pattern where one feels guilty and the other rejected. What it does not do: it’s no quick fix. Treatments run over several sessions, and not every complaint disappears completely.
When you’re better off going to your family doctor or a sexologist
- Start with your family doctor. Thuisarts.nl advises discussing a sexual problem with your family doctor, who can refer you to a sexologist.
- Look for a seksuoloog NVVS if you want specialized treatment. The title vouches for testable quality.
- Don’t wait until avoiding becomes a habit. The longer you leave a complaint, the more sets hard around it.
What sex therapy is not
“Sex therapy is sex with a therapist.” No. It’s conversations, explanation, and advice. No sexual act with the practitioner is involved.
“It’s the same as relationship therapy.” Partly overlapping, but not the same. Sex therapy focuses specifically on the sexual complaint, though the relationship can play a role in it.
What I see myself
I’m not a therapist, and that distinction really matters here. Women sometimes confuse a lovely, attentive evening with the help they actually need for a complaint that sits deeper. I can offer a pleasant experience and room to talk without judgment, but a persistent pain complaint, a trauma, or a long-standing lack of desire belongs with a sexologist. And I say so. Referring on is sometimes the most honest form of attention.
Further reading
- Sexual response cycle explains how desire and arousal work, knowledge much of sex therapy leans on.
- Sex-positive describes the attitude that makes it easier to seek help without shame.
- Seksuoloog NVVS shows what the title means and how to find a qualified sexologist.
Where this fits on this site
I don’t give therapy and I don’t treat complaints. What I do offer is a meeting with attention and without haste, where you can talk without judgment. If there’s a real complaint, I point you to your family doctor or a sexologist. Just curious how a meeting goes? Then take a look at my services. Want to get your question off your chest first? Then feel free to send a message. No obligation.
Sources
- The way to help. Rutgers. Provides that a sexologist specializes in complex sexual problems, which complaints those are (desire, pain, erection, orgasm), and that you can always turn to your family doctor.
- Seksuoloog. Nederlandse Wetenschappelijke Vereniging voor Seksuologie. Provides that a seksuoloog NVVS is a doctor, psychologist, or educational specialist with extra training, and that the title is a testable quality mark.
- Sexual problems. Thuisarts.nl. Provides that you can discuss a sexual problem with your family doctor, and what common complaints there are.
Related terms
- Sexual response cycle. The physiology of desire and arousal, the basis under many treatments.
- Sex-positive. The attitude that lowers the threshold to seek help.
- Consent. In therapy, talking about boundaries and wishes is a core part.
- Sexual shame. Often exactly what keeps a complaint going, and what therapy helps relieve.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is sex therapy?
Sex therapy is a targeted treatment of sexual complaints by a sexologist, usually a doctor, psychologist, or social worker with extra training in sexuality. It consists of conversations, explanation, and advice, and looks for what causes a complaint and keeps it going. No sexual act with the practitioner is involved.
When do you go to sex therapy?
You go to sex therapy for persistent complaints like less desire or none, pain during sex, or difficulty with orgasm or erection, also when those arose after illness or trauma. Start with your family doctor: Thuisarts.nl advises discussing a sexual problem there, and the family doctor can refer you to a sexologist.
Is a gigolo the same as sex therapy?
No. Sex therapy is a treatment of sexual complaints by a qualified sexologist, with conversations and advice. A gigolo offers companionship and a pleasant experience, not treatment. If there’s a real complaint, like persistent pain or trauma, it belongs with your family doctor or a sexologist.
Who can you turn to with questions about sex therapy?
For treatment you go to your family doctor, who can refer you to a seksuoloog NVVS. I myself am Victor, a gigolo, not a therapist, but I’m glad to talk about how a meeting with attention and without judgment goes, and with a real complaint I point you the right way, with no obligation or through chatting for free.
Learn more
Still have questions about sex therapy?
I'm Victor, a gigolo, not a therapist. If there's a real complaint, I point you to your family doctor or a sexologist. But I'm glad to talk about a meeting with attention and without judgment. Curious how that goes? A message is quickly sent, and I usually answer within a day.