Glossary
Sexting
Exchanging sexual messages and images, and how you do that safely and with consent.
What is sexting?
Sexting is exchanging sexually charged messages and racy or nude images, usually by phone. The term is English, a contraction of sex and texting. With mutual consent it’s an ordinary, pleasant form of flirting. The risk isn’t in the sending, but in someone else forwarding it without your wanting them to.
| What it is | exchanging sexual messages and images, usually digitally |
| Origin | English, from sex and texting |
| When it’s good | with mutual consent and trust |
| Where it goes wrong | with unwanted forwarding, which crosses a boundary |
| Core rule | what you receive, you never forward |
| Falls under | safer sex |
How sexting looks in practice
Sexting is completely normal for a lot of people. According to research by Rutgers and Soa Aids Nederland (2024), 15 percent of young people between 13 and 24 sexted over a six-month period, and it usually happens voluntarily, in trust, and as a normal way of flirting. Among adults the same holds. A racy message or image to someone you trust keeps the tension alive when you don’t see each other. The form matters little; the consent and the trust matter all the more.
Where the boundary lies
The boundary is clear. According to Movisie, it counts as boundary-crossing behavior the moment the recipient shares sexting images with others. Healthy exchange calls for equality, mutual consent, and being voluntary. The same Rutgers figures show the shadow side: one in a hundred young people experienced an intimate image being spread against their will, with consequences reaching as far as low mood and loneliness. The image isn’t the problem, the misuse of it is.
How you sext safely
Sexting safely is about keeping control over what you share. Mediawijsheid advises keeping your face, tattoos, or other clear identifying features out of the frame, only sending to someone you trust, and never forwarding someone else’s images. For you that means: less recognizable in the picture is less risk. For the two of you it means an agreement beforehand about what happens with images. What it doesn’t solve: once sent, you never keep it entirely in your own hands, so don’t send anything you really wouldn’t want to see spread.
What you can do yourself
- Keep yourself unrecognizable. Face, tattoos, and a recognizable background out of the frame cut the risk sharply.
- Only send to someone you trust, and agree on what happens with images.
- Never forward anything. Forwarding someone else’s image crosses a boundary, and spreading it without consent is a crime.
What sexting is not
“Sexting is risky by definition.” No. With mutual consent it’s an ordinary, pleasant form of flirting. The risk only arises with unwanted forwarding.
“If you send something, spreading it is your own fault.” Not true. The fault lies with whoever shares the image without consent, not with whoever sent it in trust.
What I see myself
I work as a gigolo, and discretion is the basis of every contact with me, the digital kind too. What strikes me is how many women hesitate to send something out of fear it will end up somewhere it shouldn’t. That caution is justified. With me the simplest rule applies: what you send stays between us, and is never forwarded or kept beyond what we agreed. Trust isn’t a given, it’s earned.
Further reading
- Safer sex places sexting in the broader line of handling sex safely and consciously.
- Discretion explains why privacy around intimate material weighs heavily.
- Sexting on Mediawijsheid gives concrete tips for doing it safely.
Where this fits on this site
I don’t sell an app and I don’t sell an image, but discretion is the core of how I work, in messages beforehand too. Curious how I handle privacy and contact and what gets agreed beforehand? Then take a look at my services. Still have a question? Feel free to ask it first. That can be done with no obligation.
Sources
- Over 33,000 young people victims of forwarded nude images. Rutgers and Soa Aids Nederland, 2024. Provides that 15 percent of young people sext, that it usually happens voluntarily and with consent, and that one in a hundred experienced an image being spread against their will.
- Sexting: where is the boundary?. Movisie. Provides that it counts as boundary-crossing behavior the moment the recipient shares images with others, and that healthy exchange calls for equality and mutual consent.
- Sexting. Mediawijsheid. Provides the tips to keep your face, tattoos, and identifying features out of the frame, only send to someone you trust, and never forward someone else’s images.
Related terms
- Safer sex. Sexting belongs to handling sex consciously and safely, digitally too.
- Consent. With sexting, consent is the dividing line between pleasant and boundary-crossing.
- Discretion. Why privacy around intimate material weighs extra.
- Sexual communication. Sexting is a form of talking about what you want, with image and text.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is sexting?
Sexting is exchanging sexually charged messages and racy or nude images, usually by phone. The term is English, a contraction of sex and texting. With mutual consent it’s an ordinary, pleasant form of flirting; the risk isn’t in the sending, but in someone else forwarding it without your wanting them to.
How do you sext safely?
Keep yourself unrecognizable: face, tattoos, and a recognizable background out of the frame cut the risk sharply, according to Mediawijsheid. Only send to someone you trust, agree on what happens with images, and never forward someone else’s images. Bear in mind that once sent, you never keep material entirely in your own hands.
Is forwarding someone's nude images a crime?
Yes. Spreading an intimate image of someone else without consent is a crime, and it counts as boundary-crossing behavior in any case. According to Movisie the boundary lies exactly there: the moment the recipient shares images with others. The fault lies with whoever spreads it, never with whoever sent the image in trust.
Who can you turn to with questions about sexting?
If an intimate image has been spread against your will, you can turn to Helpwanted.nl or the Fonds Slachtofferhulp, and for serious matters to the police. I myself am Victor, a gigolo, and discretion is the basis of every contact with me: what you send stays between us. You can always ask, with no obligation or through chatting for free.
Learn more
Still have questions about sexting?
I'm Victor, a gigolo, and discretion is the core of how I work, in messages beforehand too. What you send stays between us, and is never forwarded or kept beyond what we agreed. Curious how I handle privacy? Feel free to reach out, I take the time for your question.