Glossary
Condom Contract
The agreement that keeps a network healthy, as long as everyone sticks to it.
What is a condom contract?
A condom contract is an agreement within a polyamorous or non-monogamous network about when a condom or other barrier method is or isn’t used, inside and outside the committed relationship. It is the community’s name for what health research calls negotiated safety or a sexual agreement. Everyone in the network follows the same rule.
| In health research | negotiated safety or a sexual agreement. Condom contract is the name common in poly and BDSM circles |
| Also known as | condom-contract, safety agreement |
| Category | ethical non-monogamy |
| What it covers | who gets a condom and who doesn’t, and what applies to the rest of the network beyond that |
| Stands or falls on | honesty. One unspoken exception undermines the agreement for everyone in the network |
How the idea is built
The term itself comes from the community. The underlying idea has been described in research as negotiated safety: Hoff and Beougher describe it as couples who agree to stay monogamous, or, if sex with others is allowed, to always use a condom for anal sex or to avoid anal sex with others. A condom contract carries that same principle over to a network of more than two people.
What it delivers, and what it stands or falls on
The payoff is clarity. You know in advance where you stand, as long as the agreement is kept. The flip side is that it only works with complete honesty. One partner who breaks the agreement once without saying so puts the whole network on edge, and not only themselves.
Sources
- Sexual Agreements among Gay Male Couples. Hoff & Beougher, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2008. Describes negotiated safety as the agreement of couples to stay monogamous, or otherwise, when sex with others is allowed, to always use a condom for anal sex or to avoid anal sex with others.
Related terms
A condom contract is an agreement within ethical non-monogamy, the broader umbrella for relationship styles with more than one consenting partner.
- Ethical non-monogamy. The umbrella under which such an agreement is usually made.
- Co-primary. A status that often makes the circle the contract covers larger and more tangled.
- Polyamory. The relationship style a condom contract is agreed within most often.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about a condom contract.
What is a condom contract?
A condom contract is an agreement within a non-monogamous network about when a condom is or isn’t used, inside and outside the committed relationship. Everyone in the network follows the same rule.
Why agree on a condom contract?
A condom contract gives everyone in the network clarity, as long as the agreement is honestly kept. One unspoken exception undermines the agreement for everyone.
Who can you turn to with questions about a condom contract?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of BDSM experience and a background as a psychotherapist. Condoms are standard and non-negotiable with him, so a condom contract fits exactly how he already works. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Still have questions about a condom contract?
I'm Victor. Condoms are standard with me, so a condom contract fits exactly how I work. Ask your question, no obligation. I'll text you back whenever suits you.