Rape play

What is rape play?

Rape play is consensual roleplay in which a non-consensual scenario is acted out: one person resists, the other pushes on, and that whole sequence is agreed beforehand. It is the best-known form of consensual non-consent. The English term is used in Dutch too; rape fantasy refers to the fantasy itself and not to the acted-out scene.

What a scene looks like in practice

Like something that from the outside looks identical to a crime and from the inside is a script.

The usual pattern: the scenario is talked through weeks ahead, then a stretch in which nothing happens, and then a moment where she knows the day but not the hour. Resistance, “no” and struggling are part of the role. What ends the scene is one agreed sign that stands apart from language, for example an object that drops from her hand.

That is exactly why this is not a game you do on a whim: everything you would otherwise steer with words along the way has to be on the table in advance here.

What Dutch law says about it

Since 1 July 2024, Title XIV of the Second Book of the Dutch Criminal Code has been replaced. The Sexual Offences Act of 20 March 2024 set aside the old title “Crimes against public morals” and put a new one in its place.

Four provisions matter here, and they are all built around the same hinge. Article 243 makes intentional rape punishable by up to nine years: sexual penetration while you know that the other person’s will to it is absent, and twelve years when coercion, violence or a threat is added. Article 242 does the same for negligent rape, at four years, and there it is enough that you had serious reason to suspect that will was absent. Articles 240 and 241 repeat that distinction for sexual assault, at two and six years respectively.

That hinge is the whole difference. The law does not ask whether there was a struggle or screaming; it asks whether the will was there. In a scene agreed beforehand that will is not absent, it has if anything been given. And the negligent variant shows where it goes wrong the moment that falls away: you don’t have to have known for certain that she no longer wanted it, serious reason to suspect it is enough. So anyone playing this game who starts to doubt halfway whether it is still a game is the one who has to stop.

I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice; what stands above is the text of the law itself.

What the research really says

That the fantasy is common and that the most-cited explanation for it is wrong.

Joseph W. Critelli and Jenny M. Bivona wrote the first systematic review of this field in The Journal of Sex Research. Their finding: between 31 and 57% of women have fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will, and for 9 to 17% this is a frequent or favorite fantasy. They call these fantasies paradoxical themselves: why would someone enjoy fantasizing about something that in reality would be horrific and traumatic?

The follow-up research answers that question in a way few people expect. Bivona, Critelli and Michael J. Clark gave 355 female students a fantasy checklist, a written-out fantasy of their own, an audio scenario and personality measures, and in Archives of Sexual Behavior tested three explanations against each other. The best-known, that women use this to place the blame for their own sexual desire on someone else, got no support at all. The explanation that the fantasy is about being wanted got moderate support. What held up strongest was the dullest: women with these fantasies actually scored higher on openness to sexual experience, on erotophilia and on self-esteem.

That is the reverse of the cliché. Not shame explains the fantasy, but the ease with which someone lets sexual images in.

Why people want it

Because during the scene the question “do I want this” no longer has to be asked.

• For you rape play means you go through something without having to ask for it along the way: the consent is already given.
• For the other person the pull is in pushing on where he would normally hesitate, with the script as a safety net.
• For the two of you together the preparation itself is the payoff: more gets discussed in that conversation than most people ever discuss with each other.

Rape play processes nothing. Anyone starting it to set right something from the past would do better to talk to a professional first.

Misconceptions about rape play

“Anyone who wants this really wants it for real.” No. It is about a fantasy and an agreed scene; the research by Critelli and Bivona points out precisely that the fantasy is erotic while the actual event would be horrific. That difference is not subtle, it is the core.

“It’s a sign of shame about sex.” That exact explanation, sexual blame avoidance, was tested in the research by Bivona, Critelli and Clark and not supported.

“If we’ve agreed it, there’s nothing legally wrong.” The agreement determines whether the will is present, and that is indeed what the criminal law looks at. But that agreement then has to hold throughout, and you can withdraw it at any moment.

What I see myself

I’m Victor, a gigolo, and I’ve worked in BDSM for twenty-five years; I also trained as a psychotherapist. This scenario is on my list, and it is the only one I refuse to do on a first date.

The shame is not about the scenario but about the fact that she wants it. That conversation comes first, and sometimes it turns out afterward that it isn’t about force at all but about not having to decide. That can be reached with far gentler means.

And one practical observation. Women underestimate how strange it feels that the sign works. Anyone who gives the silent signal and sees everything stop at once is more startled by that the first time than by the scene.

What you fix in advance

• Agree on a stop sign that is not a word and practice it once before anything at all begins.
• Write down the excluded acts before you start, because during the scene you can no longer change that list.
• Bound it in time and place, because a scene with a clear end also keeps others out of it.
• Don’t do this with someone you don’t know, and not on a first date.
• Plan the aftercare in advance, and agree right away when the two of you will speak again afterward.

More on rape play

On this site CNC gives the wider frame this scenario falls under, consent explains what the Sexual Offences Act changed in general, and kidnapping scene describes the variant where bystanders come to play a role too.

Beyond this site the review article by Critelli and Bivona is the best starting point, and the text of Title XIV is free online.

Where this fits on this site

If you ever want to actually do this, the page on the rape fantasy as a service sets out how the intake conversation goes, what gets fixed and what the aftercare looks like. If you’re still unsure, a question is enough; nothing has to come of it.

Sources

• Dutch Criminal Code, Second Book, Title XIV (articles 240 to 243). Wetten.overheid.nl, text in force as of 1 July 2026. Gives the four offence definitions and their maximum sentences in years: negligent sexual assault two (article 240), intentional sexual assault six and aggravated intentional sexual assault eight with coercion, violence or threat (article 241), negligent rape four (article 242) and intentional rape nine, twelve in the aggravated form (article 243). It also gives the hinge this page rests on: for the intentional variants the offender must know that the other person’s will is absent, for the negligent variants it is enough that he had serious reason to suspect it.
• Sexual Offences Act. Act of 20 March 2024, in force from 1 July 2024, via wetten.overheid.nl. Gives the date it took effect and the heart of the change: in the Second Book, Title XIV “Crimes against public morals” was replaced by a new Title XIV “Sexual offences”, with additions to Title V.
• Women’s erotic rape fantasies: an evaluation of theory and research. Joseph W. Critelli & Jenny M. Bivona, The Journal of Sex Research 45(1), 57–70, 2008 (DOI 10.1080/00224490701808191, PMID 18321031). The first systematic review of this field. Gives the prevalence of 31 to 57% of women with fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will, the share of 9 to 17% for whom this is a frequent or favorite fantasy, and the wording of the paradox: why would someone have an erotic and pleasurable fantasy about an event that in real life would be horrific and traumatic. Only the abstract was read; the full text is behind a paywall.
• Women’s rape fantasies: an empirical evaluation of the major explanations. Jenny M. Bivona, Joseph W. Critelli & Michael J. Clark, Archives of Sexual Behavior 41(5), 1107–1119, October 2012 (DOI 10.1007/s10508-012-9934-6, PMID 22544306). Research among 355 female students with a fantasy checklist, their own descriptions, an audio scenario and personality measures. Gives the testing of three explanations: sexual blame avoidance was not supported, sexual desirability moderately, and openness to sexual experience got the strongest support; women who scored higher on erotophilia, openness to fantasy and self-esteem more often reported stronger arousal at these fantasies. Only the abstract was read.

Related terms

Rape play is a scenario within CNC; the terms around it are about what such a scene asks in advance and what it borders on.

• CNC. The frame this scenario is the best-known form of.
• Consent. What exactly is given, and why it stays withdrawable.
• Check-in. The silent signal that replaces the safeword here.
• Hard limit. The list that has to be finished before the scene.
• Kidnapping scene. The same logic, but with bystanders added and a law article of its own.
• Fear play. Play with real fear, which rape play is most often confused with.
• Primal play. The form in which resistance arises spontaneously instead of being scripted.
• Aftercare. Why the dip after this scenario usually comes a day or two later.
• Edgeplay. The category this scenario falls under for psychological reasons.
• Rape fantasy. The fantasy itself, with the prevalence and the two kinds the research distinguishes in it.