Follow-up

What is a follow-up?

Follow-up (Dutch: terugkoppeling) is short contact a day or a few days after a date, to hear how it landed. Unlike the debrief, the fuller after-talk, a follow-up is light: a message, a quick question about how you are doing. It catches a drop that sometimes only comes later.

Why a follow-up helps

Not everything lands right away. After an intense encounter, a dip can come later. The encyclopedia describes how the sudden drop in hormones after sex can lead to a low mood, sometimes in the form of post-coital dysphoria. A short follow-up catches exactly that. According to Feeld, a follow-up that happens hours or days later can help precisely for someone who is sensitive to that kind of drop. A quick question about how you are doing is enough.

What a follow-up is not

“Messaging afterward is pushy.” Not when it stays small and you agree beforehand that it is fine. A follow-up is an offer, not an obligation: if you do not reply, I let it rest. It is there for you, not to force contact.

What I see of it myself

A follow-up is part of how I work as a gigolo. After a date I often send a short message a day later, just to hear whether you are doing well. Sometimes everything is fine and it stays at one line. Sometimes something only surfaces then that you still want to talk about. Both are good. You do not have to reply to anything, but the door is open. For some women that small message is exactly the piece that rounds off a date, so it does not stop abruptly at the goodbye. How I guide a date beforehand and afterward is on the page about the BDSM date.

Sources

• Aftercare (BDSM). Wikipedia. Provides that the sudden drop in hormones after sex can lead to a low mood and that this can be a form of post-coital dysphoria, which a late follow-up catches.

Related terms

• Debrief. The fuller after-talk; a follow-up is the light version of it.
• Drop. The late dip that a follow-up catches.
• Nazorg. The broader care that a follow-up is a small part of.