Premature ejaculation

What is premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation is coming sooner than wanted, often within about a minute of penetration and with little control over it. One thing matters: it is only a problem if you or your partner is bothered by it. If it happens now and then without anyone minding, nothing is wrong. It is common, and it responds well to treatment.

How common and why

It is far more ordinary than men think. The Belgian Gezondheid en Wetenschap describes it as an ejaculation that comes so quickly that the man or his partner is left unsatisfied, and says it affects more than twenty percent of men. The Albert Schweitzer Ziekenhuis distinguishes a primary form (there from the start) and a secondary form (developing later), and names causes that can be both physical and emotional, from hormone and prostate problems to stress and tension. Rarely one simple switch, then.

What can be done about it

Plenty is possible, and that is the good news. The treatments range from squeeze-and-stop techniques and pelvic floor exercises to medication and a numbing gel, plus guidance from a sexologist or psychologist if there is tension underneath. What suits you, you decide together with your GP; that and Thuisarts are the starting point, not a pill you order off the internet on a whim.

What premature ejaculation is not

“I’m just bad in bed.” No. It is a common, treatable issue, not a character flaw and not a sign that you fall short. It is precisely the shame and the performance pressure around it that often make it worse, while there is so much more to sex than how long penetration lasts.

What I see myself

I work for women, so this plays out differently for me, but I see the other side of it. Women whose partner struggles with this sometimes think good sex stands or falls with holding out for a long time. That is exactly the mistake. In my work as a gigolo I notice how little stamina during penetration actually matters: most of the pleasure sits in touch, pace, and attention, not in a clock. With intimate togetherness that is exactly what it is about, and not about performing. Taking away that performance pressure often does more than any technique. And anyone who really suffers from it is helped far better by a GP than by a miracle cure.

Sources

• Vroegtijdig klaarkomen. Gezondheid en Wetenschap (based on EBPnet and NHG). Gives that it is an ejaculation that comes so quickly the man or partner is left unsatisfied, that it affects more than twenty percent of men, and the treatments with squeeze-and-stop techniques, medication and numbing gel.
• Te snel klaarkomen. Albert Schweitzer Ziekenhuis. Gives the definition of coming before or within a minute of penetration, that it only counts with negative personal consequences, the distinction between the primary and secondary form, and treatments such as medication, pelvic floor physiotherapy and sexological guidance.

Related terms

• Ejaculation. The ejaculation itself, which this is a matter of timing about.
• Edging. A technique for stopping just before the climax, which can train control.
• Sexual response cycle. The model in which ejaculation is one phase.