Professional cuddling: what it is and how it works
Professional cuddling is cuddling by appointment, clothes on and nothing sexual about it. Here is how it works, and who it is for.
Glossary
Touch deprivation
Where skin hunger is the longing, this is the situation underneath it. The word isn't in the dictionary yet; the research behind it is.
What is touch deprivation?
Touch deprivation (Dutch: aanraakarmoede) is a lasting shortage of physical contact with other people. It describes the circumstance, not the feeling: you can be touch-deprived without noticing a thing. Skin hunger is the longing that may or may not grow out of it.
| Also known as | touch starvation, the phrase you see more often in popular writing |
| What it describes | the situation, the shortage itself, not the longing that can follow from it |
| Dictionary status | a newer word than skin hunger; reference dictionaries have been slow to add it |
| Who it hits hardest | people without a partner; those who had one kept their contact up |
| What it’s linked to | lower well-being, and in Italian research more depressive complaints |
| What it isn’t | a diagnosis. It appears in no medical manual |
What sets it apart from skin hunger
The difference is in what you measure.
Touch deprivation can be counted: how many times a day does someone touch you. Skin hunger is an experience, and you ask after it. Someone can go weeks without being touched by anyone and barely notice, while someone else with a partner at home and colleagues all around feels the shortage keenly. That isn’t a contradiction. It’s the difference between a situation and an experience.
There’s another difference, and it’s one of language. Skin hunger has been around longer and turns up in dictionaries; touch deprivation is the newer word. The Dutch reference dictionary, for one, carries a full entry for skin hunger and still returns “not (yet) in the dictionary” for touch deprivation. It’s a term the dictionaries haven’t caught up with.
What the research shows
That it doesn’t hit everyone equally hard, and that you can tell in advance who it will.
Antje Gerdes and colleagues asked 287 Germans in Frontiers in Psychology how often they were touched in a day, at home and at work, before and during the coronavirus measures. In both settings it dropped. But people in a relationship kept personal contact at roughly the same level, and people without one did not.
Well-being fell across the whole group, and that drop was smaller among people who had more touch, whether or not they were in a relationship. The authors call touch a factor in resilience, and they point to people without a partner as the group most vulnerable to what happens when contact falls away.
Francesco Bruno and colleagues found, among 991 Italians in Brain Sciences, that how often people hugged a live-in partner was linked to fewer depressive symptoms. There too it’s about correlation, not cause.
What you can do with this
- Count it for a week. How often does someone touch you? The answer surprises most people.
- Take it seriously if you live alone. That’s the group the research points to.
- See your GP if low mood, anxiety, or persistent loneliness are part of it. This is a concept and not a diagnosis, and this page gives no medical advice.
Touch with an agreed purpose, and nothing beyond that, is something I do offer. What it is and how it goes is on touch and skin hunger.
Sources
- Social touch deprivation during the COVID-19 pandemic and reduced well-being. Antje B. M. Gerdes, Svenja Mareike Roether & Georg W. Alpers, Frontiers in Psychology 16, 1672502 (DOI 10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1672502). Gives the design (online questionnaire in Germany, N = 287, 77.5 percent women, with an estimate of the number of touch moments per day before and during the measures), the finding that touch fell in both the personal and the professional context, that people in a relationship kept personal contact relatively stable and people without one did not, and that the drop in well-being was smaller for those who had more touch, regardless of relationship status.
- Positive Touch Deprivation during the COVID-19 Pandemic: Effects on Anxiety, Stress, and Depression among Italian General Population. Francesco Bruno, Carlotta Tagliaferro, Sonia Canterini et al., Brain Sciences 13(4), 540, 2023 (DOI 10.3390/brainsci13040540). Gives the sample of 991 Italian participants (mean age 34.43 years) and the finding that the frequency of hugs with a cohabiting partner was linked to fewer depressive symptoms.
- aanraakarmoede. Algemeen Nederlands Woordenboek, Instituut voor de Nederlandse Taal. Gives the verified negative: on 12 August 2026 the ANW returns for this entry that it is “not (yet) in the ANW”, while skin hunger (huidhonger) has a full article.
Related terms
- Skin hunger. The longing that can grow out of this shortage, with the figures and the nerve pathway behind it.
- Attachment style. Why the same shortage lands hard on one person and barely touches another.
- Aftercare. Touch with an agreed purpose, at the end of something intense.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about touch deprivation.
What is touch deprivation?
A lasting shortage of physical contact with other people. The word describes the circumstance, not the feeling, so you can be touch-deprived without noticing a thing. The Dutch equivalent is aanraakarmoede. It isn’t a diagnosis; no medical manual lists it as a condition.
What is the difference with skin hunger?
The point of measurement. Touch deprivation can be counted, because you can work out how often someone touches you in a day. Skin hunger is an experience, and you ask after it. They often overlap and not always. In language too they stand apart: skin hunger has an entry in the Dutch reference dictionary, touch deprivation does not yet.
Who can you turn to with questions about touch deprivation?
If low mood, anxiety, or persistent loneliness are in play, that belongs with your GP; this page explains a concept and is not medical advice. If it’s the touch itself you’re after, touch and skin hunger sets out what an appointment with me involves. Writing first is fine too.
Blog
Articles on touch and its absence
Where this page describes the shortage, these pieces are about how it feels and what you can do with it.
Mariska regularly meets a gigolo
Abused as a child, Mariska (43) never enjoyed sex. Seeing a gigolo, she finally finds intimacy and confidence.
Skin hunger: symptoms, causes, and how to ease it
Recognize the symptoms of skin hunger: the causes, the effects, and how to soften a lack of touch and the longing behind it.
BDSM Hoods: Sensory Deprivation and Surrender
What a BDSM hood does to your senses, how surrender really feels, and why safety and trust always come first.
Blindfold Play in BDSM: Sensory Restriction
Blindfold play in BDSM sharpens your senses and deepens trust. How taking sight away leads to more surrender and pleasure.
On this site
What this looks like in practice
If you're after touch without anything being expected of you, this page sets out what an appointment involves and how it goes.
Touch and skin hunger?
Skin hunger is your skin craving touch, not sex. What happens in your body when you go too long untouched, and what actually helps.
Want to know more
Still have questions about touch?
I'm Victor. The research points to people without a partner as the ones who feel this hardest, and that's exactly the group least likely to bring it up. Feel free to write; there's no obligation, and I answer discreetly.
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