Glossary
Troilism
Arousal from watching your own partner with someone else, while you join in yourself.
What is troilism?
Troilism is arousal from watching your own partner have sex with someone else while you are also involved. It mixes taking part with the charge of watching. It looks like candaulism and cuckolding, but troilism puts the weight on both at once: watching and joining in.
| English term | troilism |
| Core | seeing your partner with a third person, and joining in yourself |
| Mixes | taking part and voyeurism |
| Looks like | candaulism, cuckolding |
| Often within | a threesome or swinging context |
How troilism works
It comes down to a double role: taking part and watching at the same time. According to Psychology Dictionary, the troilist enjoys being with a partner while seeing that same partner with a third person. Wiktionary puts it more broadly: two people having sex while a third watches and may or may not join in. The arousal comes from the mix. You are not an outsider, yet you still get the kick of watching on top of it.
Troilism or candaulism?
They sit close together, but the emphasis differs. The encyclopedia describes candaulism as showing your naked partner to others for their pleasure or yours, related to voyeurism and exhibitionism. Candaulism leans on the showing, troilism on watching and joining in together. In practice the two often blur into one another.
What troilism is not
“That’s just cheating.” No. It happens by arrangement and with the consent of everyone involved. Without that agreement up front it is not troilism but something else entirely. The whole point sits in choosing to do this together.
What I make of it
Sometimes a couple books me for exactly this: she is with me, while her partner watches or joins in. That can be lovely and exciting, as long as there are clear agreements beforehand. Who does what, what is and isn’t okay, and how we stop if someone wants to. As a gigolo I find that conversation just as important as the rest. Because everyone feels safe and knows where they stand, the charge of watching and joining in can really come into its own. How I settle an evening like that with a couple in advance, you can read on couples.
Sources
- Troilism. Wiktionary. Gives the description of two people having sex while a third watches and may or may not join in.
- Candaulism. Wikipedia. Gives that candaulism is showing your naked partner to others, related to voyeurism and exhibitionism, and that troilism is a related but separate term.
Related terms
- Candaulism. Related, but with the weight on showing off your partner.
- Cuckolding. Seeing your partner with someone else, often with a power dynamic attached.
- Voyeurism. The urge to watch that plays a part in troilism.
What is the difference between troilism and candaulism?
They sit close together. Candaulism leans on showing your partner to others. Troilism is about watching together and joining in yourself. In practice the two often blur into one another.
Learn more
Curious together about watching and joining in?
I'm Victor, a gigolo for women. Sometimes a couple books me for exactly this, always with clear agreements up front. Wondering how that could work? Feel free to reach out, I'll take the time for it.