Glossary
Relationship structure
A neutral word for the structure of a relationship, apart from whether it's any good.
What is a relationship structure?
A relationship structure is the form a relationship takes: who is involved and what agreements hold. Monogamy, the open relationship, polyamory and relationship anarchy are all relationship structures. The term describes the structure of a relationship, and says nothing about whether that relationship is good or bad.
| Also known as | relationship form |
| What it is | the structure of a relationship: who’s involved and what’s agreed |
| Examples | monogamy, the open relationship, polyamory, relationship anarchy, a LAT relationship |
| Category | a neutral organizing concept, broader than ethical non-monogamy |
| Related | relationship diversity, the recognition that there are many forms |
| Key point | the form in itself says nothing about the quality of the relationship |
How relationship forms relate to each other
There are many more than the two most people know. Under ethical non-monogamy alone, Roos Reijbroek distinguishes in Systeemtherapie swinging, the open relationship, polyamory and relationship anarchy, each with its own agreements. Alongside that, monogamy is simply a relationship structure too, as is a LAT relationship in which partners deliberately live apart. Researchers like Morar-Bolba and colleagues even argue for looking beyond the pair as the self-evident unit, because relationships can stretch outside that pair too.
Why the word relationship structure is useful
The value of the word is in its neutrality. By speaking of a “relationship structure” you can talk about the structure of a relationship without immediately hanging a judgment on it. For you that makes it easier to name what you want yourself, and to find someone who’s looking for the same form. What the word doesn’t solve: the same term can mean two things. Two couples who both say they have an “open relationship” can mean completely different agreements. The form is a starting point for the conversation, not the whole answer. Knowing the name doesn’t yet tell you what exactly is agreed, and it’s precisely those agreements that make the difference.
Where this fits on my site
Whatever your relationship structure, monogamous or not, a date with me only fits into it if it falls within your agreements. That is up to you, and sometimes up to you and your partner together. How I go over that beforehand is on the page about my services and the one about couples. If you’re unsure whether it fits, feel free to ask, that commits you to nothing.
Sources
- Consensuele non-monogamie in de spreekkamer. Roos Reijbroek, Systeemtherapie 37(2), 2025. Gives the four relationship forms under ethical non-monogamy, swinging, the open relationship, polyamory and relationship anarchy, each with its own agreements.
- Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM). Considering Sexual Minorities and Moving Away from a Dyadic Conceptualization. Dora Morar-Bolba, Rainer Banse & Terri D. Conley, International Journal of Sexual Health 38(1), 2026. Gives the argument for not looking at relationships as a twosome by default, because relationship forms can stretch outside that pair too.
Related terms
A relationship structure is the structure of a relationship; the terms below are about the variety and the forms themselves.
- Relationship diversity. The recognition that many valid relationship forms exist side by side.
- Ethical non-monogamy. The umbrella for the relationship forms with more than one partner.
- Monogamy. The best-known relationship structure, and the norm the others are measured against.
- Polyamory. A relationship structure with several love relationships at once.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is a relationship structure?
A relationship structure is the form a relationship takes: who is involved and what agreements hold. Monogamy, the open relationship, polyamory and relationship anarchy are all relationship structures. The term describes the structure and says nothing about whether the relationship is good or bad.
Which relationship forms are there?
Besides monogamy there are, among others, the open relationship, swinging, polyamory, relationship anarchy and the LAT relationship in which partners deliberately live apart. Under ethical non-monogamy alone, four forms are distinguished. The lines often run into each other, and the same term can cover different agreements for two couples.
Who can you turn to with questions about relationship forms?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. Whatever your relationship structure, Victor will think along about how a date fits within it, and sometimes with you and your partner together. Ask your question through the contact form or chat for free first.
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Still have questions about relationship forms?
I'm Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. Whatever your relationship structure, monogamous or not, a date only fits into it if it falls within your agreements. Curious how I go over that beforehand? Message me whenever you like and I'll reply as soon as I can.