What is the difference between a telemour and a metamour?

A metamour is your own partner’s partner, so one link away from you. A telemour sits one link further out: it is the partner of your metamour, someone you share no relationship with yourself. The further into the network, the less direct the contact usually is.

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Glossary

Telemour

The partner of your metamour, one step further out in your polycule.

What is a telemour?

A telemour is the partner of your metamour, meaning your partner’s partner’s partner. The word comes from tele (far) and amour (love): a distant love in your polycule with whom you usually have no relationship yourself. The blogger Page of Poly.Land coined the term in 2016.

Plural	telemours
Means	the partner of your metamour
From	tele (far) + amour (love)
Coined by	Page, Poly.Land, 2016

An example

Say you are in a relationship with Bob. Bob is also in a relationship with Carol, so Carol is your metamour. If Carol is also in a relationship with Denise, then Denise is your telemour. You are linked to her through two connections, but you have no relationship with her yourself.

Where the word comes from

Page got the question of what to call the other partner of your metamour. On Poly.Land, Page chose the Greek prefix tele, which means far, because meta already means beyond. That is how telemour came about. The polyamory author Laura Boyle explains that a telemour is a partner of your metamour who is not your shared partner, and that you never run into such a thing in a monogamous relationship.

What a telemour is not

“So I have to do something with my telemour, then.” No. Whether you ever meet your telemour depends on your style of polyamory. With parallel polyamory you usually do not even see each other. The word exists mainly so you can refer to someone at a distance in your network without any fuss.

What I make of it

As a gigolo I sometimes meet women who live in an open or polyamorous relationship. I am not a partner then, and so not a metamour or telemour either: I am a date, a service, not a link in the network. For some women that is exactly what makes it clear and easy. No web of connections, just time together that stands on its own.

Sources

Telemours and new relationship empathy. Page, Poly.Land. The post where the term was coined, with the tele (far) against meta (beyond) explanation.

Metamour. Your partner’s partner, one link closer than a telemour.
Polycule. The whole network of connected partners that telemours appear in.
Parallel polyamory. The style where you usually do not meet your telemour.

What is a telemour?
A telemour is the partner of your metamour: your partner’s partner’s partner. You are linked to that person through two connections, but you have no relationship with them yourself. The word comes from tele (far) and amour (love), and points to someone at a distance in your polycule.
What is the difference between a telemour and a metamour?
A metamour is your own partner’s partner, so one link away from you. A telemour sits one link further out: it is the partner of your metamour, someone you share no relationship with yourself. The further into the network, the less direct the contact usually is.

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In an open relationship and curious?

I'm Victor, a gigolo for women. I do not become a partner, and so not a metamour either, I am a date that stands on its own. Questions about how that works? Feel free to reach out, I'll think it through with you.

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