Why do people say wiitwd instead of bdsm?

Because BDSM covers only part of the scene. Someone who feels at home with ageplay or dressing up without doing bondage or pain falls outside that word. WIITWD was coined as a broader alternative, though not everyone likes how vague it is.

Who can you ask about wiitwd?

Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. You don’t have to know which word fits you to ask something. Sending a message with no obligation works through the contact form or first chat for free .

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Glossary

WIITWD

The deliberately vague term for everything the scene does, coined for the moments when the word BDSM feels too small or too heavy.

What is wiitwd?

WIITWD stands for what it is that we do. It is a careful umbrella term for everything the scene does, meant for the moments when the word BDSM feels too narrow or too loaded. Someone who’s only into, say, ageplay or dressing up falls under it too.

The phrase	what it is that we do
Category	a broad umbrella term for the scene, not an act or a role
Why	because “BDSM” covers only part of the scene
Origin	Usenet, the newsgroup alt.sex.bondage, 9 January 1995
Criticism	so vague that almost anything fits under it, which bothers many people

Where wiitwd comes from

There is no scientific literature under this name, and that fits: it’s scene jargon, not a technical term. The origin, though, is easy to date. According to the encyclopedic description, the term surfaced on 9 January 1995 in the Usenet newsgroup alt.sex.bondage, where Steven Davis credited fellow poster Bill Bohrer with coining it. The reason was that “BDSM” covered only a fraction of the community. Anyone who felt at home in the scene without doing bondage or pain fell outside that word, and something broader was needed.

Why the term exists, and why not everyone uses it

The gain is inclusion. With “what we do” you point at the whole scene without pinning anyone to rope or blows, so someone who only does ageplay or dressing up belongs too. The price is precision. That same vagueness means the term hardly says anything, and many people dislike it for exactly that reason. You read it more often than you hear it, and outside older online corners you rarely run into it.

Where this fits on this site

What I do is one slice of that broad “what we do”: BDSM tailored to you, built up slowly and within your limits. Curious but not sure yet which word fits you? You don’t need to know that either. Feel free to send me a message, no obligation.

Sources

WIITWD. Wikipedia. Provides the meaning “what it is that we do”, the first recorded mention in alt.sex.bondage on 9 January 1995 with Steven Davis and Bill Bohrer, the reason that BDSM covered only part of the community, and the criticism that the term is deliberately vague and broad.

BDSM. The term WIITWD found too narrow, and the one this wants to be a broader alternative to.
Kink. Another broad word for preferences off the beaten track.
Scene. The community itself, which WIITWD points to.
Kinkster. Someone who takes part in what WIITWD tries to capture.
Vanilla. The opposite: everything that falls outside “what we do”.

Frequently asked questions

What people still ask about wiitwd.

What is wiitwd?
WIITWD stands for what it is that we do. It is a broad umbrella term for everything the scene does, meant for when the word BDSM feels too narrow or too loaded.
Why do people say wiitwd instead of bdsm?
Because BDSM covers only part of the scene. Someone who feels at home with ageplay or dressing up without doing bondage or pain falls outside that word. WIITWD was coined as a broader alternative, though not everyone likes how vague it is.
Who can you ask about wiitwd?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. You don’t have to know which word fits you to ask something. Sending a message with no obligation works through the contact form or first chat for free.

Learn more

Still have questions about wiitwd?

I'm Victor. Not sure yet which word fits you, or wondering what all falls under the scene? Send me a message. No obligation, and you don't have to commit to anything.

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