Sneakarchy

What is sneakarchy?

Sneakarchy (also sneakiarchy) is a hidden, denied hierarchy within polyamory: someone claims to treat all partners equally, but secretly gives one priority over the other anyway. The term is a blend of sneaky and hierarchy. The problem is not the hierarchy itself, but the dishonesty about it.

How sneakarchy works

Sneakarchy disguises itself as equality. According to Page Turner on Poly.Land, someone who does it says “I don’t believe in hierarchy, I treat all my partners equally”, while in practice certain partners get priority. The difference from open hierarchy is therefore honesty: a hierarchical polyamory names the ranking, sneakarchy denies it. It clashes head-on with the anti-hierarchical values of relationship anarchy, which rejects ranking partners.

Why sneakarchy harms

The harm sits in the gap between word and deed. According to Poly.Land, sneakarchy is emotionally particularly damaging, because the dishonesty can hollow out trust until a relationship falls apart entirely. For the partner who consistently hears something other than they experience, the uncertainty grows, with a feeling of being left in the dark. The author’s conclusion is sharp: honest hierarchy is better than dishonest equality. What it is not: sneakarchy is not a criticism of hierarchy itself. An openly named ranking is fine; hiding it is the problem.

Where this fits on this site

I work as a gigolo and have no say in how you arrange your relationships, but the idea behind sneakarchy touches on something universal: being honest about what something is. With me you know exactly what a meeting is and what it is not, without a hidden agenda. If you are curious how that works, take a look at my services. A message beforehand is always fine. You are not tied to anything.

Sources

• Sneakiarchy: Secret Hierarchy, Dishonest Egalitarianism. Page Turner, Poly.Land, 2018. Gives the definition of sneakarchy as a sneaky hierarchy, the example of claiming equality but granting priority, and that the dishonesty hollows out trust.
• Relationship anarchy. Wikipedia. Gives that relationship anarchy holds anti-hierarchical values and rejects the ranking of intimate relationships, the frame sneakarchy sets itself against.

Related terms

• Hierarchical polyamory. The honest version: a named ranking instead of a hidden one.
• Non-hierarchical polyamory. What sneakarchy pretends to be, but is not.
• Relationship anarchy. The movement that rejects hierarchy between relationships on principle.
• Ethical non-monogamy. Where honesty is the core, and sneakarchy violates exactly that core.