Glossary
Queening
The dictionary puts it plainly: queening is not about oral sex but about breathing.
What is queening?
Queening is the form of facesitting where someone sits on another person’s face so that the mouth and nose get covered. The word comes from queen: the other person’s head serves as a throne. Unlike facesitting in general, queening puts the emphasis on limited breathing rather than on oral gratification.
| Also known as | facesitting; kinging when the seated party is a man |
| Category | a form of smothering, and so related to breath control |
| Furniture | the queening stool or queening chair, a stool with a cut-out a head fits under |
| Core problem | with a covered mouth, no spoken signal is possible at all |
| Biggest risk | oxygen shortage without anyone being able to report it |
Where the word queening comes from
From slang, and with breathing in it from the start.
Green’s Dictionary of Slang describes queening as sitting on someone’s face so that their mouth and nose are covered, and marks it as gay slang. The oldest recorded citation is in the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices by B. Love from 1992, which describes queening as the European custom where a dominant woman uses a man’s head as a throne. It adds the line that the aim is bondage or breath control and not cunnilingus. A second citation, K. Cage in Gayle from 2003, puts it the same way: the covering of mouth and nose, obstructing the breathing.
So anyone who reads queening as “oral sex with the woman on top” misses what the word itself points to.
Why breathing decides the whole agreement
Because the supply is smaller than people assume, and because the person with the covered face cannot report anything about it.
What is still in the lungs after a relaxed exhale is called the functional residual capacity: according to StatPearls, about three liters in a healthy adult. That forms the oxygen reserve once nothing more comes in, and that reserve is smaller lying on the back than upright, because part of the airways then collapse.
So the agreement in queening is not a matter of feeling but a sum. Agree on a number of seconds and have someone count out loud. Alongside that, choose a signal that works without a voice: two squeezes on a leg, or an object that drops from a slackening hand. From above there is no view of the face below, and then the time elapsed is almost always underestimated.
Where this fits on this site
The risk side of restricted breathing is covered in detail at breath control, and facesitting describes the position in both forms. If you want to play once in a space where such furniture is simply there: the BDSM room I rent has a queening chair, and what can happen during a BDSM date we go through beforehand.
Sources
- Physiology, Functional Residual Capacity. Erin Hopkins & Sandeep Sharma, StatPearls, updated 26 December 2022. Medical reference work from the NCBI Bookshelf. Provides that the functional residual capacity is the volume that remains in the lungs after a normal, passive exhale and is about three liters in a healthy person, that this capacity forms the body’s oxygen reserve, and that it is largest in an upright posture and decreases lying on the back or front because parts of the airways then collapse.
- queening, n.. Green’s Dictionary of Slang, digital edition by Jonathon Green. Lexicographical reference work of English slang, with dated citations per sense. Provides the description of queening as sitting on someone’s face so that mouth and nose are covered, the marking as gay slang, and the two recorded citations: B. Love, Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices (1992, p. 225), with the description of a dominant woman who uses a man’s head as a throne and the statement that the aim is bondage or breath control and not cunnilingus, and K. Cage, Gayle (2003, p. 90), which describes it as the covering of mouth and nose obstructing the breathing.
Related terms
Queening is a form of facesitting; that page lays the position out in full, including the variant where the nose stays free.
- Facesitting. The overarching position, with both aims and the research into weight on the torso.
- Breath control. The risks of restricted breathing and the rules of thumb that go with it.
- Edgeplay. Why some practices keep their risk, even with careful play.
- Furniture. The neighboring form in which a body becomes furniture rather than the other way round.
- Smothering. The act of which queening is the targeted version, with the forensic side included.
- Femdom. The angle queening is usually placed in, given the throne in the word.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about queening.
What is queening?
Queening is the form of facesitting where someone sits on another person’s face so that the mouth and nose get covered. The word refers to a throne: the other person’s head serves as the seat. In the dictionary descriptions, restricted breathing is central, not oral gratification.
What is the difference between queening and facesitting?
Facesitting is the overarching word for sitting on someone’s face, with or without the nose staying free. Queening is the variant where the covering itself is the point; kinging is the word when the seated party is a man.
How do you agree queening safely?
With a signal that works without a voice, because with a covered mouth no one can say a safeword. Alongside that, agree on a number of seconds and have someone count out loud: from above the face below is not visible and the time elapsed is almost always underestimated. More on that is at breath control.
Who can you turn to with questions about queening?
Victor, a gigolo with more than twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. Breath and choke play is part of his work, he always agrees a wordless signal first and counts the seconds instead of going by feel. You can ask him a question with no obligation through the contact form or chat for free first.
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Still have questions about queening?
I'm Victor. Breath and choke play is part of what I do, and the thing I always agree on first is the signal you stop with, without words. Want to know how that goes? Feel free to send me a message. No obligation.