Glossary
Karezza
An 1896 method for making love without racing to the peak, thought up by a doctor who wanted women more rest and more say.
What is karezza?
Karezza (from the Italian carezza, caress) is slow, drawn-out lovemaking where you deliberately leave out the orgasm and put your attention fully on the connection. The physician Alice Bunker Stockham gave the practice this name in 1896, as a method and not as an accident. Karezza is a named, spiritual branch of coitus reservatus.
| Word origin | from the Italian carezza, “caress” |
| Also known as | the karezza method; the modern, secular branch of coitus reservatus |
| Category | a technique within tantra and the stretching of arousal |
| Who came up with it | physician and feminist Alice Bunker Stockham, 1896 |
| Goal | connection, equality, and calm, not the peak |
| Main point | not a reliable contraceptive; it’s a practice, not a trick |
Where karezza comes from
Karezza was thought up by one person with a pronounced idea. Alice Bunker Stockham was a physician and one of the first women to work as a gynecologist in the United States. She borrowed the word from the Italian carezza, caress, and described the method in her 1896 book Karezza: Ethics of Marriage. According to the biographical entry on Stockham, she saw karezza as a means to equality between partners, to fidelity within a marriage, and to a woman’s say over pregnancy. The orgasm, which she called “the crisis,” wasn’t chased but set aside, so the energy stayed in the being-together rather than in the release.
Why people try karezza
The pull is in lovemaking that doesn’t have to go anywhere. Without the goal of a peak the hurry disappears, and that makes room for attention, eye contact, and a tenderness that otherwise gets used up in the last few minutes. For anyone who notices sex is over too fast, or feels too much like a performance, karezza can feel calmer and more intimate. It does ask something: it’s a practice that takes time, it doesn’t work for everyone, and as a contraceptive it’s unreliable. It’s a way of being together, not a technical fix.
What I see of it
I’m Victor, a gigolo. A lot of women are surprised that sex is allowed to exist without an endpoint at all. The pressure to “have to get somewhere” gets in the way more often than people think. The moment that goal comes off, something goes quiet, and only then does the real enjoyment begin for many women.
Where this fits with me
Karezza asks for time and calm, and that’s exactly what a meeting without hurry can offer. If you want to find out how lovemaking feels when it isn’t racing toward a peak, the page on intimate togetherness explains how an evening like that works. You don’t have to be able to do anything or perform; you set the pace.
Sources
- Karezza: Ethics of Marriage. Alice Bunker Stockham, 1896. The original book in which Stockham names and works out the method as lovemaking with the orgasm deliberately left out.
- Alice Bunker Stockham. Wikipedia. Provides that Stockham coined the word karezza in 1896, its origin in the Italian carezza, and her motives of equality and self-determination.
Related terms
- Tantra. Karezza is a Western, secular offshoot of the tantric idea that arousal is stretched, not drained off.
- Edging. Also a way to steer arousal without coming, but aimed instead at playing with the edge of the orgasm.
- Orgasm control. Deliberately deciding when and whether someone comes, of which karezza is a gentle, mutual form.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about karezza.
What is karezza?
Karezza is slow lovemaking where you deliberately leave out the orgasm, so attention goes to the connection instead of to the peak. The physician Alice Bunker Stockham coined the word in 1896, from the Italian carezza, caress.
What is the difference between karezza and coitus reservatus?
Coitus reservatus is the broad, classic name for intercourse without ejaculation; karezza is the nineteenth-century, spiritual variant of it, aimed at connection and equality. Karezza puts the emphasis on the experience and the calm, while coitus reservatus mostly describes the act itself.
Who can you turn to with questions about karezza?
Victor, a gigolo who is used to making love without hurry and to taking the pressure of a peak off. You can ask him a question about karezza with no obligation through the contact form or first chat for free.
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