Unicorn hunters

What are unicorn hunters?

Unicorn hunters are a couple, usually straight, who look for a third person to add to their relationship as a whole, usually a bisexual woman. In the scene that sought-after woman is called a unicorn. The term is often meant critically, because the couple sets the rules and the third has to follow them.

How unicorn hunting works in practice

The couple looks for someone who gives both of them equal attention and sees no one else. The description of unicorn hunting names exactly those conditions: equal attraction to both partners and relational exclusivity. The name unicorn points to how rare such a third is, someone willing to meet all those demands, as rare as the mythical animal.

The reason the term sounds critical sits in how the roles are split. The existing couple keeps control and the new person adapts, rather than the three negotiating together as equals. From that comes the charge that the unicorn is treated more as an acquisition than as a person with wishes of her own.

Why couples do it, and where it goes wrong

The appeal makes sense. A couple wants to add something without putting their own relationship at risk, and a third who suits both of them feels like the safe way. It keeps everything manageable.

The flip side is exactly that neatness. The magazine The Swaddle describes how unicorn hunting turns queer women into merchandise, because the freedom and feelings of the woman they seek become subordinate to the couple’s comfort. Anyone who looks for a third but is not willing to open up their own agreements is really asking for an addition without the messiness of a real relationship. That is rarely what the third person wants.

What I make of it

Couples who carry this idea around almost never mean any harm. I’m Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist, and what I see is that the hurt shows up in the place where the third gets no voice of her own. The moment that woman is just as free to say no and to hold wishes of her own, the problem the term warns about disappears.

Where this fits on my site

If the wish to discover something as a threesome is there, and you want someone to join who brings no agenda and moves at your pace, then a date with me can fit that. On the page what I do you can read how I approach it, with clear boundaries up front. Feel free to ask first.

Sources

• Unicorn hunting. Wikipedia. Gives the description that a couple, usually straight, seeks a third partner, usually a bisexual woman, under conditions like equal attraction and exclusivity, plus the criticism of the power imbalance and the fetishization of bisexual women.
• Couples Looking for Bisexual Girlfriends Often Commodify Queer Women. The Swaddle. Gives the point that the freedom and feelings of the queer woman they seek become subordinate to the couple’s wishes.

Related terms

• Swinging. The pillar: recreational sex between couples, from which the wish for a steady third often grows.
• Ethical non-monogamy. The broader practice where everyone’s wishes and boundaries count, exactly the point where unicorn hunting falls apart.
• Polyamory. The form with real, equal relationships, where the equal triad stands against the unicorn dynamic.
• Metamour. Your partner’s partner, a connection that does get its own room in an equal trio.