Male companion

What is a male companion?

A male companion is a man you hire for his company and attention, with or without intimacy. You pay for his time and his presence: talking, going out together, being close. It is the broader, softer term for what a gigolo or male escort does, and he is there for women and for couples.

What a date with a male companion looks like

A date with a male companion looks from the outside like an ordinary date. The difference is that what will and will not happen is talked through beforehand.

Take an evening that comes up often. You book a few hours, we go out to eat or stay in, we talk, and only when you want it does it turn physical. You set the tone and I follow. A couple does essentially the same thing, with a third man who stays inside the boundaries you agreed. According to the encyclopedia, a gigolo is a male escort hired by a woman for sex or companionship, and he may also accompany her to social engagements. That last part, showing up somewhere together, is often the whole appointment with a companion.

Where the term male companion comes from

The word companion means someone who goes with you and keeps you company. In English a companion is someone you spend time with, or a person employed to accompany you. That is the heart of it: a male companion does not sell an act, he offers company.

That is why it works as an umbrella term. A gigolo, a male escort and a boyfriend experience all sit under it. What they share is that you pay for a man’s time and attention, and that sex is at most part of it, never the starting point.

Why women and couples want a male companion

It is rarely about sex itself, which is easier to find than real attention. It is about a few hours in which someone is fully there for you and you owe nothing back. Sociologist Elizabeth Bernstein showed in her book Temporarily Yours (2007) that the sex trade increasingly sells not an act but an experience of genuine connection. That is exactly what a male companion offers.

What you get out of it differs. For you as a woman it is being seen, without having to give anything back. For a couple it is a chosen third who stays inside the agreed lines, so the two of you can share something without it getting out of hand.

It is no more than an evening. A male companion does not mend loneliness that sits deeper, and the limit that keeps it safe is the same one that keeps it temporary.

How people book a male companion

You usually book a male companion directly with the man himself or through an agency, and you agree beforehand what the appointment involves, how long it lasts and where you meet. That talk up front is what sets a companion apart from a blind date: nothing has to surprise you.

The forms vary. A dinner where you would rather not sit alone, an evening at home, a companion as your plus-one at a wedding or a party, or a couple inviting a third. In every form the appointment is built the same way: first a talk about what you want, then the evening itself.

Male companion versus gigolo and escort

“A male companion is a gigolo kept by a rich woman.” That picture, the classic kept man, is dated. Today a male companion is not a man living off a woman but an appointment you pay for and steer, by the hour or by the evening.

“Companion is just a nicer word for escort.” Not quite, either. With an escort sex is usually the product, and the conversation hangs around it. With a companion it is the other way around: attention is the core, and sex comes into it only as far as you want. The confusion exists because the same man can be both, depending on what you agree.

What I see myself

I am Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. Most of what I do is company: talking and being somewhere together. The sex is a small part of the whole and often not on the table at all.

The question that almost always comes up, before anyone books, is whether it is strange or sad to pay for this. It is not. You are hiring a few hours of attention, the way you buy a good evening out, and what you do with it is up to you.

What to arrange beforehand

• Say beforehand what you do and do not want from a male companion, so the evening is not guesswork.
• Agree on a place where you feel at ease, and feel free to set up a safety call with someone who knows where you are.
• Start small. A dinner or a coffee tells you more about whether it clicks than a whole evening does.
• The mistake beginners make is hoping it will feel right on its own without saying anything. Better to just say what you like, and the rest follows.

Where to learn more about a male companion

If you want to dig deeper, these take you a step further.

• Companionship service. Explains how paid company works, the service a male companion falls under.
• Gigolo. The best-known kind of male companion, with the history of the word.
• Gigolo on Wikipedia. The encyclopedic definition and the social role, useful for seeing where the term comes from.
• Temporarily Yours by Elizabeth Bernstein. The academic book on how paid company shifted from an act to an experience of connection.

Where this fits on my site

If this is what you are looking for, an evening with someone who is really there for you, that is most of what I do. My services shows how an appointment with me unfolds, from meeting to the evening itself. If you would rather work it out quietly first, you can also ask a question with no strings attached.

Sources

• Gigolo. Wikipedia. Establishes that a gigolo is a man hired by a woman for sex or companionship, and may accompany her to social engagements.
• Companion. Wiktionary. Establishes the meaning of companion: someone you spend time with, or a person employed to accompany another.
• Temporarily Yours: Intimacy, Authenticity, and the Commerce of Sex. Elizabeth Bernstein, University of Chicago Press, 2007. Establishes the shift from paid sexual acts to a paid experience of genuine connection.

Related terms

A male companion is the man behind a companionship service, the paid company in which attention is the product.

• Companionship service. The service a male companion provides, with presence and attention at its core.
• Gigolo. The best-known kind of male companion, though that word carries more of a sexual charge.
• Escort. The related form in which sex is usually the product, as against attention with a companion.
• Boyfriend experience. A male companion whose company is made to feel like a relationship.
• Courtesan. The historical, female example of paid company in which conversation counted as much as sex.