Glossary
Poly/mono
The relationship where one wants several loves and the other only one, and together they still look for a form that works for both.
What is poly/mono?
Poly/mono (also mono/poly) is a relationship between someone who calls themselves polyamorous and someone who calls themselves monogamous. One partner wants or has several love relationships, the other wants just one: this one. From the poly partner’s side it’s called poly/mono, from the monogamous partner’s side mono/poly, but it’s the same arrangement.
| Also known as | mono/poly |
| What it is | a relationship with one polyamorous and one monogamous partner |
| Category | a form of ethical non-monogamy |
| The poly partner | has or seeks several partners, with everyone’s knowledge |
| The monogamous partner | is exclusive with this one partner, by choice |
| Main point | it can work, but it asks for honest agreements about what each one needs |
How poly/mono works
Poly/mono is about two people who want different things and stay together anyway. More Than Two’s poly glossary puts it simply: a relationship between someone who calls themselves polyamorous and someone who calls themselves monogamous. The monogamous partner usually has the freedom to see others too, but chooses not to, often simply because the need isn’t there. Researcher Elisabeth Sheff notes that such relationships can look strange to outsiders while making sense to the people in them, as long as the boundaries are clear.
Why poly/mono chafes, and can still work
The appeal is that you stay together despite a difference that would split many couples. For the monogamous partner it means giving room to something they don’t seek themselves; for the poly partner it means not having to choose between a lover and their own nature. Consensual non-monogamy is a seriously researched field, and the review by Gupta and colleagues shows there isn’t one right form. Where poly/mono runs aground is almost always the unspoken part: jealousy that isn’t allowed to exist, or a monogamous partner who goes along without really wanting to. It works best when both are honest about what they can handle, not when one of them puts themselves last.
Where this fits on this site
Do you live in a poly/mono relationship, and is the question alive whether a date outside your relationship fits? Then that’s something to talk through together, not to arrange on the quiet. If you’d like to spar calmly first about what does and doesn’t work for the two of you, that’s what the conversation beforehand is for, no judgment.
Sources
- A scoping review of research on polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. Shivangi Gupta, Mari Tarantino & Caroline Sanner, Journal of Family Theory & Review, 16(2), 151-190, 2024. Establishes that consensual non-monogamy is a seriously researched field with a range of relationship forms.
Related terms
Poly/mono is a mixed form within ethical non-monogamy. The terms below place it in that frame.
- Ethical non-monogamy. The umbrella poly/mono falls under as a form.
- Polyamory. The poly partner’s side: several love relationships at once.
- Monogamy. The monogamous partner’s side: faithful to one.
- Open relationship. A wider form in which partners agree on room for others.
Frequently asked questions
Questions about poly/mono
What is poly/mono?
Poly/mono is a relationship between someone who calls themselves polyamorous and someone who calls themselves monogamous. One partner wants several love relationships, the other only one. From the poly partner’s side it’s called poly/mono, from the monogamous partner’s side mono/poly.
Can a poly/mono relationship work?
Yes, as long as both are honest about what they can handle. A poly/mono relationship runs aground on the unspoken part: jealousy that isn’t allowed to exist, or a monogamous partner who goes along without wanting to. It works when the boundaries are clear and no one puts themselves last.
Who can you turn to with questions about poly/mono?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. He doesn’t coach relationships, but he’ll think along without judgment about what a poly/mono arrangement means for you. You can reach him through the contact form or first chat for free, no obligation.
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Still have questions about poly/mono?
I'm Victor, a gigolo with a background as a psychotherapist. I don't coach relationships, but I'm glad to think along about what a poly/mono arrangement means and how a date within it fits. Curious how that goes? Send me a message and I'll text you back whenever it suits you.