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Glossary
Frottage
The act that often gets dismissed as foreplay, while for many people it is the point.
What is frottage?
Frottage (from the French frotter, to rub; in English also dry humping) is the sexual act of rubbing your body or genitals against another body, for the pleasure of it, without penetration. It can be clothed or naked, and it is a goal in itself, not necessarily a step toward something else.
| Dutch term | frottage; colloquially opwrijven, rubbing up against |
| Category | a sexual act, non-penetrative |
| What it is | rubbing your body or genitals against another, clothed or naked |
| Also known as | dry humping, frotting; frot for the variant between two men |
| Not to be confused with | frotteurism, the non-agreed rubbing against a stranger |
| Core condition | mutual consent, just like any other act |
How frottage works
Frottage works through friction and pressure, not through penetration. According to the encyclopedia, it is about rubbing almost any part of the body, from thighs and belly to the genitals, against the other person’s genitals. That can be clothed or naked, and in everyday speech it is then called dry humping. The arousal comes from the rhythm and the contact, not from going inside.
Why people do frottage
The draw is closeness without the pressure of having to go “further”. For anyone who doesn’t want penetration, can’t have it, or isn’t after it right now, frottage gives a full sexual experience with your clothes sometimes still on. For a couple it is a way to stay slow and still be pressed up close. Honesty demands saying that frottage often gets dismissed as “just foreplay”, while for many people it is the whole point. And like every act, it only works if both people want it. During an intimate togetherness I often let this last a long time, exactly because nothing has to go “further”.
Frottage or frotteurism?
The biggest misconception ties frottage to the uncomfortable image of someone pressing against a stranger on a crowded train. That is frotteurism, and the encyclopedia calls it a paraphilia in which the rubbing is precisely non-consensual. Frottage between people who both want it is the opposite of that: agreed and wanted.
Sources
- Non-penetrative sex. Wikipedia. Provides the description of frottage as rubbing body parts against another person’s genitals, clothed or naked, also called dry humping.
- Frottage. Wikipedia. Provides the distinction from frotteurism, a paraphilia in which the rubbing is non-consensual.
Related terms
Frottage is a sexual act, the umbrella term for what people do with each other in bed.
- Sexual acts. The pillar: frottage is one of the non-penetrative forms within it.
- Masturbation. The related act without penetration, alone or together.
- Sexual response cycle. How arousal builds, even without anything going inside.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about frottage.
What is frottage?
Frottage is the sexual act of rubbing your body or genitals against another body for the pleasure of it, without penetration. It can be clothed or naked, and in everyday speech it is also called dry humping. For many people frottage is a goal in itself, not a step toward something else.
Is frottage the same as frotteurism?
No, frottage and frotteurism are opposites. Frottage is rubbing between people who both want it and have agreed to it. Frotteurism is non-consensual rubbing against a stranger, for example on public transport, and it counts as a paraphilia. The difference is consent.
Who can you go to with questions about frottage?
To Victor, a gigolo with about twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. He believes not every meeting has to work toward penetration, and he will tell you with no obligation what closeness without haste looks like. You can ask him a question through the contact form or first chat for free.
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Want to know more
Still have questions about frottage?
I am Victor, a gigolo. Not every meeting has to work toward penetration. Sometimes staying close is exactly enough. Want to know how I go about it, ask your question with no obligation, and I will text you back at your ease.