Glossary
Couples arrangement
An arrangement where a couple does something together with another person, with the limits talked through beforehand.
What is a couples arrangement?
A couples arrangement (Dutch: stellenafspraak) is an arrangement where a couple does something together with another person: inviting someone over together, visiting someone together, or going to a swingers club together. It is a term from the swinging and lifestyle scene. The heart of it is that the couple agrees together beforehand what is and is not allowed, and sticks to it.
| What it is | an arrangement you make together as a couple |
| Forms | inviting someone over together, visiting together, or going to a swingers club |
| Part of | swinging and the lifestyle |
| The heart of it | agreeing together beforehand what is and is not allowed |
| Often | a distinction between soft and full |
| Falls under | swinging |
How a couples arrangement works
A couples arrangement starts with a conversation between the two partners. According to Sensoa, swingers are couples who have sexual contact with other couples, usually in a swingers club, and the partners agree beforehand what they will and will not allow with each other, such as whether it happens in the same room and what kind of contact is okay. A distinction is often made between soft, without intercourse with the other person, and full, with. The therapy practice PolyamTherapie stresses that these agreements are always made beforehand and evaluated regularly, and that swinging calls for clear communication and respect for each other’s limits.
Why the agreement beforehand matters so much
The whole setup stands or falls on tuning in beforehand. For the couple, a good couples arrangement means there are no surprises that damage the trust: you both know where you stand. For the third person it means clarity about what is and is not the intention. What it is not: a couples arrangement is not a free pass to stretch the limits in the moment. The agreement you make beforehand is exactly the agreement that holds.
Where this fits on this site
I work as a gigolo for women and couples, and a couples arrangement is exactly how a meeting with a couple begins: first talking through together what you both want and where the limits lie, then the rest. Curious how that goes? Take a look at my services for couples. A message beforehand is always welcome. You are not committed to anything.
Sources
- Parenclub (swingen of partnerruil). Sensoa. Backs up that swingers are couples who have sexual contact with other couples, that partners agree beforehand what they allow with each other, and the distinction between soft and full.
Related terms
Frequently asked questions
Questions about this term
What is a couples arrangement?
A couples arrangement is an arrangement where a couple does something together with another person: inviting someone over together, visiting someone together, or going to a swingers club together. It is a term from the swinging and lifestyle scene. The heart of it is that the couple agrees together beforehand what is and is not allowed, and sticks to it.
What do you agree on as a couple beforehand?
According to Sensoa, partners agree beforehand what they will and will not allow with each other, such as whether it happens in the same room and what kind of contact is okay. You often draw a distinction between soft, without intercourse with the other person, and full, with. Those agreements are made beforehand and evaluated regularly.
Who can you turn to with questions about a couples arrangement?
I am Victor, gigolo for women and couples, and a couples arrangement is exactly how a meeting with a couple begins: first talking through together what you both want and where the limits lie. Want to know how that goes? I am glad to talk it over with you, with no obligation or through chatting for free.
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Still have questions about a couples arrangement?
I am Victor, gigolo for women and couples. A couples arrangement is exactly how a meeting with a couple begins: first talking through together what you both want and where the limits lie. Curious how that goes? Message me any time, and I will reply as soon as I can.