RADAR is a monthly relationship conversation in five fixed steps, designed by the relationship platform Multiamory. It is a structured way for partners to catch up on how the relationship is running. RADAR works in monogamous as well as non-monogamous relationships, and is a fixed form of the broader relationship check-in.

Who can you turn to with questions about RADAR?

Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. You run a RADAR conversation with your own partner, but Victor is glad to think along about how you catch up small and on time. Ask your question through the contact form or first chat for free .

Close-up of an open book with a pencil between the pages, in black and white

Glossary

RADAR

An agenda for the monthly catch-up, so that a conversation does not turn into an argument.

What is RADAR?

RADAR is a monthly relationship conversation in five fixed steps, designed by the relationship platform Multiamory. The letters stand for Review, Agree the agenda, Discuss, Action points, and Re-connect. It is a structured way for partners to catch up, and it works in monogamous as well as non-monogamous relationships. RADAR is a fixed form of the broader relationship check-in.

The name	an acronym for the five steps below
What the letters stand for	Review, Agree the agenda, Discuss, Action points, Re-connect
Devised by	Multiamory (Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, Dedeker Winston)
Category	a fixed form of the relationship check-in
Rhythm	monthly
For whom	monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, such as a polycule

How RADAR works

RADAR comes from the agile scrum of software teams, which Multiamory reworked into a relationship form. The order is the trick. According to Multiamory, you first calmly review the facts of the past month, agree the agenda together, talk it through, make concrete agreements, and consciously close by making contact again. Because you start with the facts and only then with the feelings, a RADAR stays a conversation rather than a list of grievances. In practice someone puts an hour in the calendar for it, takes out the fixed list of topics, and works through those five steps. Other partners are a fixed agenda item, which makes the form usable as soon as there are more than two people involved.

Why people use RADAR

The appeal is in structure. A fixed agenda removes the “where do we start,” so you do not talk only when things go wrong. For you it means a small discomfort has a fixed place. For your partner it means criticism no longer comes out of the blue. Les 3 sex*, a Montreal sexology organization, describes RADAR as “a step-by-step approach to organize meetings between intimate partners” that “fits both an exclusive and non-monogamy context.” For the two of you together, catching up becomes a habit rather than something that happens only when there is an argument. What it does not do: the structure only works if you both really want to talk. A neat agenda does not replace that willingness.

Where this fits on my site

RADAR you do with your own partner, not with me. If you want to know how I do small check-ins in my work, before and after a date, look at my services. A quick spar first is always fine, that commits you to nothing.

Sources

RADAR. Multiamory (Jase Lindgren, Emily Matlack, Dedeker Winston). Provides that RADAR is a monthly “relationship maintenance check-in” format, the five steps review, agree the agenda, discuss, action points, and re-connect, and the origin in agile scrum.
RADAR: Monthly Relationship Maintenance Check-In. Les 3 sex*, Montreal. Provides that RADAR is “a step-by-step approach to organize meetings between intimate partners” and “fits both an exclusive and non-monogamy context,” devised by Multiamory.

RADAR is a variant of the relationship check-in: the best-known monthly form of it.

Relationship check-in. The broader term, of which RADAR is a fixed form.
Check-in. Gauging in the middle of a session, the short counterpart of the monthly conversation.
Polycule. The network in which a monthly RADAR often keeps the overview.
Ethical non-monogamy. The context in which a fixed check-in yields the most.

Frequently asked questions

Questions about this term

What is RADAR?
RADAR is a monthly relationship conversation in five fixed steps, designed by the relationship platform Multiamory. It is a structured way for partners to catch up on how the relationship is running. RADAR works in monogamous as well as non-monogamous relationships, and is a fixed form of the broader relationship check-in.
What do the letters of RADAR stand for?
The letters of RADAR stand for Review, Agree the agenda, Discuss, Action points, and Re-connect. You first review the facts, agree the agenda together, talk it through, make concrete agreements, and consciously close reconnected. Because you start with the facts and only then with the feelings, it stays a conversation rather than a list of grievances.
Who can you turn to with questions about RADAR?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience and a background as a psychotherapist. You run a RADAR conversation with your own partner, but Victor is glad to think along about how you catch up small and on time. Ask your question through the contact form or first chat for free.

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