The art of bondage: play for women in BDSM
Bondage for women: my honest examples, games, and tips for playing safely with rope, trust, and surrender.
Glossary
B&D
The abbreviation people reach for to say what they don't do.
What does B&D mean?
B&D (also written B/D) stands for bondage and discipline, the first two letters of BDSM. Bondage is about restricting movement, discipline about rules, punishment and reward. People often use the abbreviation to signal that they stick to those two and don’t get into power exchange or pain.
| Also written | B&D or B/D; the encyclopedia lists B/D as “bondage and discipline”. |
| What it covers | tying and restraining, plus rules, punishment and reward |
| What it leaves out | the D/s and S/M from the same abbreviation |
| Why people use it | to mark off what they do and don’t do |
| Main caveat | in practice the line between discipline and power exchange isn’t sharp |
Where does the abbreviation come from?
BDSM is a joining of three pairs, and B&D is one of them. The encyclopedic breakdown sets them side by side: B/D for bondage and discipline, D/s for dominance and submission, S/M for sadism and masochism.
The letters get used on their own because people rarely recognize themselves in all three. Someone who loves rope but wants nothing to do with pain says B&D and not BDSM, and in a single word makes clear where the line sits.
Why is that line hard to hold in practice?
Bondage draws a clean line: you can move or you can’t. Discipline doesn’t. The moment there are rules and someone enforcing them, someone is deciding, and that is exactly what the D/s in BDSM describes.
So in practice people mostly use B&D as reassurance, to themselves or to a partner: this stays light. That is a fine way to open a conversation, but it isn’t a technical category. What really happens, you agree on in acts, not in abbreviations. On a BDSM date I do it that way too: the letters don’t count, what we agree to do together does.
Sources
- BDSM. Wikipedia. Gives the breakdown of the abbreviation into three pairs, of which B/D stands for bondage and discipline, and the point that the whole thing rests on the informed consent of everyone involved.
Related terms
- BDSM. The full umbrella, with what falls under each of the four letters.
- Armbinder and the St. Andrew’s cross belong to the B; rules and punishment belong to the D.
- D/s. The other two letters of BDSM, with the same slash-notation convention.
- Bondage and discipline are the two letters themselves, each with its own page.
Frequently asked questions
What people still ask about B&D.
Who can you turn to with questions about B&D?
Victor, a gigolo with twenty-five years of experience in BDSM and a background as a psychotherapist. Bondage is on his yes list, soft or firm. You can ask him a question with no strings attached through the contact form or first chat for free.
Blog
Articles about bondage and discipline
The two letters from the abbreviation, each with its own article.
The Power of Discipline and Positions in BDSM
Why discipline in BDSM works, from the power dynamic to the emotional release and the deeper trust it builds between two partners.
Learn more
Still have questions about B&D?
I'm Victor. Abbreviations help you start a conversation, but what really happens, you agree on in acts. Want to have that conversation? Send me a message. No obligation, I'll text you back when it suits you.